Serving alcohol can often be a… situation.
So many people look younger than they are.
And some get moody when asked for ID.
But that’s just age.
What if a server thinks someone is pregnant?
How do you handle that situation with decorum?
Is it a server’s business?
Case in point…
Redditor YouGottaStopThat wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for serving a pregnant woman a non-alcoholic cocktail?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have waited tables for the last three years.”
“During my shift last night, a group of four women in their late 20s came in.”
“They were a pleasure to have as customers.”
“They ordered four of our house cocktails to start with and then went over the menu for their entrees.”
“When I was on my way back to their booth with the drinks on a tray, I walked by the back side and overheard one of them talking about how she was 14 weeks along.”
“When I rounded back, they were talking about the same topic and it was clear to me that she was pregnant.”
‘I figured her having one drink wasn’t a big deal.”
‘They ordered their entrees and I went off to handle other tables.”
“About five minutes later, they called me over again and asked for another round.”
“At this point I started getting concerned, but I took the order and cheerfully said I’d be right back.”
“This time, I went to the bartender, and asked him to make one of them a virgin cocktail.”
“He was confused but since he’s a good friend of mine, I told him to just trust me.”
“A few cocktails later (hers strictly virgin) they started getting rowdy, and Mrs. Pregnant Woman was also getting into it.”
“I figured that since she didn’t notice, things were OK. “
“The problem came when I took them their check, and they asked to split the bill at the register.”
“When Mrs. Pregnant Woman got to the counter, I saw her cocktails were marked with (virgin).”
“My bartender had edited each in the system for inventory.”
“It was too late for me to edit them back, so I just had her pay, hoping that she wouldn’t look at the receipt.”
“They all thanked me and left, leaving a generous tip in the process.”
“They were talking in the parking lot for the next short while, presumably waiting for an Uber.”
“Several minutes later Mrs. Pregnant Woman came back and asked what (virgin) on the receipt meant.”
“I fessed up that it meant non-alcoholic.”
“She blank stared at me for a few seconds and then asked if she had ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail.”
“I said no, but told her that I assumed she wanted one seeing as she was pregnant.”
“It was a lame lie and I’ll admit it, but she looked me in the eye and asked me to return her part of the tip. I did so.”
“Then she talked to my manager.”
“My manager took me into her office and literally shrieked at me until hoarse.”
“I stood my ground and told her that I’m not going to be responsible for f[etal] a[lcohol] s[yndrome]
“She told me that she was taking me off the calendar until she decided what to do with me.”
“She also informed me that I could get the restaurant in serious trouble for discrimination, and upon examination of my state’s laws, she is correct.”
“But when I talked to my mother and father about it tonight, they told me that they understood my position.”
“The entire staff at the restaurant is against me and I think that I’m going to call in and tell my manager that I quit.”
“But I still feel in the right here.”
“I would like some perspective on this and if I’m the a**hole here.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“To be honest, if an obviously pregnant woman asked for a cocktail, I might do OP’s lie but honestly.”
“Plenty of people call mocktails by the same name as their alcoholic counterparts which gets confusing.”
“I might just assume she dropped the virgin, I’d check though.”
“This is kind of better than the other way around, putting alcohol where there shouldn’t be.”
’14 weeks isn’t by any stretch obviously pregnant though, in fact some are of the opinion (rightly or wrongly) that you can drink in the first trimester.”
“Hey, at least she saved money, they didn’t charge her for a more expensive alcoholic cocktail, but she didn’t get the night out she wanted” ~ SapphicGarnet
“As a childfree person this was literally my thought!”
“Op was so stuck up his /her own self righteous butthole they forgot not everyone wants a kid.”
“She very well could have an impending abortion date or it could be the pregnancy isn’t viable and they have to abort for safety reasons.”
“OP is TA no way around it.”
“And I have yet to see any definitive evidence she was pregnant for sure, OP just thinks they overheard something and then ran with it.” ~ REDDIT
“She might not be pregnant even if you think it looks obvious that she is.”
“She could be waiting to give birth to a stillborn.”
“She could have a metabolic disorder that gives her huge stomach distention.”
“She could be fat and carries it on her stomach.”
“She could’ve had a laparoscopic surgery that included gas to inflate her abdomen.”
“She could’ve given birth a few days ago and her stomachs not back to normal.”
“The thing is that a customer isn’t obligated and doesn’t want to give you their medical history to justify their dietary choices.”
“Besides, 1 drink in late pregnancy is not harmful.”
“It’s much worse during the stages when you wouldn’t be able to guess just by looking.”
“Maybe the woman in OPs story is awaiting an abortion appointment.”
“Or maybe she’s not even pregnant at all and he overheard some random conversation and leapt to a conclusion!” ~ REDDIT
“Thank you for clearly laying out the jumble of thoughts that ran through my head upon reading this complete nonsense.”
“OP is an a**hole.”
“There are numerous reasons why a pregnant woman would drink and from the looks of it I’m still not convinced she even was pregnant.”
“You’d think she would have corrected the assumption when confronting OP.”‘
“And the manager but if the pregnancy isn’t viable and she’s waiting on a scheduled abortion I could understand not even wanting to go into it and she shouldn’t have to!”
“Maybe this dinner was her friends trying to cheer her up and move towards getting back to normal knowing the baby is stillborn or that she’s getting rid of her rapist’s baby or something.”
“WTF OP?!” ~ REDDIT
“But the woman doesn’t suck for obvious reasons.”
“OP didn’t actually know for sure that she was pregnant, no matter what they thought they heard.”
“She may have been talking about a past pregnancy (or worse, past miscarriage), someone else, a surrogate carrying for her, or even just a play in which she was acting as a pregnant woman.”
“And even if she WAS pregnant, she may have been planning to terminate soon.”
“IF she was pregnant, for all OP knew, the woman was going to have to terminate a wanted pregnancy due to fatal fetal defects, the woman’s friends took her out to make her feel better.”
“And the OP came along and made her feel worse.” ~ torchwood1842
“I mean she could’ve been 14 weeks along on a new diet or workout schedule.”
“OP definitely didn’t give any further info on why she assumed this woman was pregnant.”
“Also, you can’t inflict your personal morals on other people.”
“She’s within her rights to be an idiot and drink while pregnant or perhaps she was planning to abort.”
“Either way, I think YTA is more accurate, since OP had no way of absolutely knowing.” ~ ClaireTrap
“YTA. Unless you saw the woman pee on a pregnancy test, you had no way of knowing for sure that she was pregnant.”
“She could have been talking about someone else, a past pregnancy, or she could be planning to terminate the pregnancy.”
“That wasn’t your call to make.” ~ REDDIT
“ESH but you had good intentions.”
“She sucks for obvious reasons, you suck because you had no way to prove she was a pregnant.”
“You altered her drink without informing her, and you made a big decision without speaking to your manager.”
“Edit: If she isn’t pregnant, OP is the sole a**hole here (for the same reasons mentioned above).”
“OP won’t even expand upon what he overheard, just keeps quoting himself saying she was definitely pregnant.”
“And to the snarky a**holes saying ‘is that the only way to tell if someone is pregnant?’ and let me just carry a test around.'”
“Obviously not, but this also isn’t about the customer trying to prove she’s pregnant.”
“It’s about OP and his choice to assume the customer is pregnant simply by overhearing a conversation.”
“OP could’ve ASKED the customer, but he still should’ve talked to his manager first before altering someone’s food without telling them.” ~ Underground_Queen
Well OP, Reddit is pretty much clear.
You may have had the best intentions.
But intentions work best with communication.
Next time a little chat may go a long way.