There are few greater joys than bringing a baby home.
Of course, bringing a baby home also comes with more than its fair share of challenges.
None more so than an almost complete lack of sleep.
Indeed, sleep with a newborn baby in the house tends to be such a precious commodity, that when those rare moments of sleep being interrupted, there can sometimes be hell to pay.
Redditor Helpful_Task_8591 and her husband recently brought home a new baby.
As is the case with all new parents, both of them found themselves at a sleep deficit to feed their baby in the middle of the night.
The original poster (OP)’s husband, however, accused her of making it even more challenging to sleep than it should have been.
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for unintentionally waking up my husband while feeding baby?”
The OP explained why her husband felt she was as or more at fault for his lack of sleep than their newborn baby:
“My husband and I just had our first baby.”
“She’s 2 months old and we are ‘in the trenches’ as you can imagine.”
“Recently we’ve had a lot of fights over night-time feedings.”
“At night our baby sleeps in a bed-side crib and wakes up every 3-4 hours to take a bottle then goes straight back to sleep.”
“He takes the first half of the night, I take the second half.”
“I find it most efficient to feed her by her crib.”
“On several occasions, I’d wake up to feed the baby, it would be quiet except for sounds from her drinking from the bottle, but my husband would get woken up and finds it difficult to go back to sleep, saying he finds the baby’s lip-smacking sounds disturbing.”
“He asks that I go feed the baby in a different room.”
“I refused.”
“I believe moving to a different room creates more work and discomfort for me, also risks baby crying and not going back to sleep easily.”
“My husband not liking a certain sound is not my fault, and I don’t believe he has the right to ask others to work around something that I see as a personal preference.”
“Further, I felt quite offended that he’s complaining about disturbed sleep when I get up several times a night to not only feed the baby but also pump breastmilk, wash/disinfect bottles, etc.”
“My husband thinks his ‘condition’, i.e. sensitivity to lip sounds is not something he could change.”
“He has tried to wear earplugs but they sometimes fall out in the middle of the night.”
“He feels it’s a small request and feels hurt that I refused to accommodate and called his condition ‘stupid’ and ‘ridiculous’.”
“We both work from home on a flexible schedule, so it’s not like he has a stressful job and need to wake up early for work.”
“My husband has never mentioned his reversion towards lip sounds until recently.”
“He likes to stay up late so usually he stays up until baby wakes up for first night feeding, then go to bed.”
“He usually keeps the baby with him in another room until he goes to bed.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not the OP was the a**hole for unintentionally waking up her husband.
Many felt that the OP’s husband was being immature and ridiculous, feeling that if he was as sensitive to sound as he claimed to be, that he should not sleep in the same room as the baby during this time:
“My baby is five and a half weeks now and does the same as yours for night feedings.”
“He’s in a bedside crib as well.”
“I breastfeed at night so my husband is able to sleep through the night and take the morning shift so I can sleep in.”
“If I accidentally wake him up with noise, he looks over and smiles at us, refills my water, and fixes the blanket on me.”
“He had an early shift last week and you know what he did?”
“He slept in another room because he knew he needed to sleep through the night without any distractions.”
“The baby is learning new routines and needs consistency.”
“The adults need to adjust and adapt to the baby.”
“NTA but your husband is being unreasonable and needs to chill.”- polkadotd
“Oh, I’m sorry!”
“Did having a baby change his life?”
“Poor husband.”
“A baby that goes nicely back to sleep after a night feed is a real blessing; some babies need patting back to sleep after every feed!”
“He should move to a different room, not make you move.”
“NTA.”– Meowth_the_kitten
“NTA.”
“If your husband is so ‘disturbed’ by you feeding HIS child, he can go sleep in another room.”
“He’s being a selfish a**.”- NorthernLitUp
“NTA.”
“But remember you guys are not enemies, you are lovers.”
“The baby is the enemy.”- sippinonginaandjuice
Some, however, were a bit more sympathetic to the noise sensitivity of the OP’s husband, even if they still agreed the OP did nothing wrong:
“NAH.”
“I get the feeling, I’m a light sleeper as well, and weird noises wake me up.”
“Once I’m up, it’s hard as heck to fall back asleep.”
“I also understand your side, and the convenience it is.”
“Those times are hard (and sadly, don’t get easier for awhile).”
“Everyone is just in survival mode.”- FaithlessnessFar6547
“NAH.”
“Mother of 3 here with my youngest being 10mo.”
“First thing to remember is that this isn’t you against your husband but rather you AND your husband against the problem, the problem being lack of sleep.”
“Does your husband feel that you should take the baby out of the room because he keeps her with him while you sleep by yourself?”
“He probably thinks that since you get to sleep alone ‘without disturbance’ that you should be doing the same for him.”
“You mentioned that you both work from home, but only that his job isn’t stressful.”
“Is yours stressful?”
“Do you need to wake up very early?”
“If so, then maybe the suggestions for him wearing earplugs, using white noise, or relocating to another room are most beneficial.”
“If not, then I must ask what the harm is in taking her out for feeding?”
“How much longer does it take to put her down if she’s removed from the room?”
“30ish minutes or a few hours?”
“If it’s the former, you’ll probably just need to bite the bullet and remove her for a little while, but if it’s the latter then he needs to make an adjustment.”
“Is it possible to swap shifts?”
“In my personal experience, the 2nd shift was way harder on me.”
“You say he normally stays up late, but if it’s truly causing him this much stress, then maybe change it up where he goes to bed earlier.”
“This may also help you understand each other’s perspectives.”
“Lastly, while you may think he sounds ridiculous about his ‘condition,’ try to refrain from insults.”
“I suggest looking up the Rules to Fair Fighting.”
“Sit down and have a genuine conversation and work together on compromises.”
“I hope you can both get some good rest soon.”- Passionate_Salt
“NAH when everyone is tired.”
“We all get miserable and irritated by random things when we’ve had no sleep.”
“This is why my partner and I did bed hopping (so we’d both start in the same bed, then one goes into the spare room at around 2am).”
“Usually him, unless I was losing my mind, as I was on maternity leave.”
“However, you could also dip to the spare bed if the baby is walking a lot in the first half of the night, then you switch.”
“This way you all get some uninterrupted sleep and some snuggle time together as well.”-RemoveComfortable982
“Misophonia is a real thing and it creates a high level of agitation so there is little chance a person who has been triggered by it could fall back asleep easily.”
“Basically hearing these noises is like giving him a double shot of espresso.”
“BUT It’s his disorder and he can contribute to finding a solution that works for both of you.”
“White noise machine.”
“Separate rooms. There’s options.”
“If you are splitting the nighttime feedings, it defeats the purpose for both parents to be awake, especially if one can’t go back to sleep afterwards.”
“NAH – just figure it out.”- rialtolido
It shouldn’t come as a surprise to any new parent that an overall lack of sleep is guaranteed for a while.
That being said, few, if any, new parents are fully prepared for just how much sleep they will likely lose.
Something that can be a particularly rude awakening for inherently light sleepers.
Sadly, a solution that will please everyone in this situation might be hard to come by.
Hopefully, the OP and her husband can at least find a solution that will please everyone a little bit more.