We tend to think about storming off from the dinner table as something relegated to the hyper-drama of movies and theater.
But it does happen in real life. And when rage gets to that level, there is inevitably a story to come along with it.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated one example.
The Original Poster (OP), known as yagirldebbie on the site, kept her title short and sweet.
“AITA for walking out on dinner?”
OP started with some demographic information.
“I’m [19-year-old female], Indian, living in America in a white area. This will be important later.”
It began with some big news.
“I got my EMT Certification a couple days ago (yay!). My parents decided to take me out for dinner to celebrate.”
“While at dinner, we ordered an appetizer, and the waitress forgot. She seemed overwhelmed, and the food was taking a while to come.”
OP’s father then made some assumptions.
“My dad immediately started spouting off about how she was racist and he could ‘feel it,’ how she hates us and was avoiding us.”
“My mother and I knew this wasn’t the case – we watched her get bombarded with other tables, but he wouldn’t listen to us.”
Eventually, enough was enough.
“I snapped after 15 mins of him just yelled and destroying the mood, threw my napkin on the table, and said ‘okay, so you have to ruin every special moment I have, don’t you? Let’s just go, I don’t feel like eating here anymore anyways.’ “
“He looked at me and said ‘don’t behave like that.’
“And I completely snapped at him and told him that he’s always destroyed every award I’ve gotten, then left.”
OP closed with some relevant background information.
“For context, every time we go out to dinner, he always ruins the mood.”
“Last time it was because he didn’t let me eat anything but the starter salad at Olive Garden, citing my kidney infection as an excuse, but later admitting it was a way to control my weight (I’m 5’2 130lbs and declared healthy by doctors).”
“Any other time, it’s been constant arguing about stupid stuff where he pushes my mothers or my boundaries and tells us to behave when we retort. I’ve never had a true celebration with them.”
“So AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors took OP’s side. They were upset by her dad’s behavior too.
“NTA. Quit celebrating with him. Celebrate with people who are truly happy for you, not those just trying to control you.” — Dramatic_Grocery_105
“NTA Your dad sounds like he has a lot of anger and, for some reason, likes to ruin your accomplishments. Maybe he’s jealous. Maybe he doesn’t like not being the center of attention. I don’t know.”
“What I do know is I wouldn’t go out to eat with him anymore. I’d also ask why your mom doesn’t stand up for you.” — LoveBeach8
“NTA, your dad sounds controlling…. It might be time to stop sharing any important things with him, and especially stop celebrating with him. And people who call things ‘racist’ or any form of ‘-ist’ when they clearly are not are horrible people, and a huge problem in todays society.” — aroundincircles
“NTA – Your dad is being ridiculous. Do not plan any celebrations including him, as he will continue to ruin it. I am curious – are you an only child?”
“I only ask because my Indian female friends (we are all in our 40s) who are only children have dads who act like this, and they realized it was because they did not have a son and their families constantly gave them grief for it… It might be ‘another generation’ thing, but my friends had to learn not to expect their dads to change.”
“None of this is your fault. You should be so proud of yourself for this wonderful accomplishment. You mom is openly proud of you, perhaps celebrate with a lunch just with her? You deserve to be proud and lauded.” — Wild_Pomegranate5772
A few tried to focus on the good parts.
“NTA First – CONGRATULATIONS! That’s quite an accomplishment!! Make sure you have a good support system and take advantage of any therapy/counseling that your work provides. EMTs see some crazy sh**. Take care of your mental health!”
“Second, it reads like your dad isn’t happy unless he has something to complain about. I know the type and it’s exhausting to deal with. But you’re 19 and just qualified as an EMT. The days of being forced to listen to and accommodate your dad are nearly over.”
“You spoke your mind and exited an unhappy situation. So it was in public. Sh** happens. In the future, you choose who you want to celebrate with and if it isn’t your dad, that’s okay!”
“Best of luck to you!” — NannyOggsScrumble
“NTA I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this. SUPER CONGRATS ON THE CERT!!” — InsertDramaHere
Some even shared related experiences.
“NTA There’s only so much you can take, and you sound completely in the right with this.”
“I’m drawing parallels with my experiences of special occassions with my alcoholic grandfather, where he’d ruin birthdays, graduations etc because he wanted to go for a drink, or drink far too much and make a nuisance of himself, ruining the day for the rest of us.”
“We only didnt react the way you did because we know alcoholism is a disease that can’t be helped. But what your dad doing can be helped, so you were completely in the right here!” — Feraiir
“NTA. On my second day ever as a cashier, a Black man heavily implied I’m racist and told other people in my line the same because my service was subpar (I accidentally made some of his bags too heavy, as one of the things I learned in training was to shove as much into one bag as possible, and I put his change on the counter rather than in his hand because he didn’t hold out his hand for the change) when really I just sucked at my job.”
“I appreciate your sensitivity to your server and acknowledgment that is was busy at the restaurant, that makes you a kind and empathetic person in my book…”
“…and I’m glad you stood up to your father, who doesn’t not seem as kind and empathetic, especially to you. And of course, congratulations on your EMT certification, I hope you get to have a proper celebration” — diagoat