A significant financial disparity between a new couple can often cause conflict.
In some cases, the one earning significantly less might feel intimidated when they’re taken to restaurants they couldn’t normally afford, or embarrassed when they meet with their partner’s equally rich friends.
While the one making more money might become paranoid that their money is the only reason their partner is with them, leading them to fear they’re being used as a meal ticket of sorts.
Often resulting in some paranoid, and ridiculous, behavior.
The brother of Redditor shwnwneneb2929 was concerned that his girlfriend was doing just that, and went to great lengths to ensure she wasn’t.
Eventually resulting in his girlfriend dumping him.
Upon hearing about the way he treated her the original poster (OP) didn’t have any sympathy toward their brother, and wasn’t afraid to tell him so to his face.
But worried they might have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my brother he got exactly what he deserved when he pushed his girlfriend away for being a ‘gold digger’?”
The OP shared how their brother’s distrustful nature put an end to his relationship, which the OP felt was exactly what he deserved.
“My brother is a very hardworking man and at 27 he is now very wealthy and doing well for himself.’
“He’s been with this girl for six months and throughout the time we have gotten close because we both like hair, makeup, and shopping.”
“I never knew there was anything wrong with their relationship except when she texted me last week saying she would love to hang out but thinks it’ll be inappropriate because she and my brother broke up.”
“I asked her why and she said she was sick and tired of ‘auditioning’ to prove she was with him for the right reasons.”
“She went on to say that my brother is paranoid she’s after his money so he would test her like leaving out his bank statements on their bed and getting upset when she picked it up.”
“Going out to eat at high end restaurants he requested and leaving his wallet on home at purpose to make her pay the bill and prove she’s not going out with him for money.”
“Never buying her gifts and questioning her when she asks why he doesn’t.”
“I was shocked so I had to hear my brothers perspective.”
“We spoke and he told me everything she said was true and that there’s nothing wrong with making sure his girlfriend is with him for the right reasons.”
“He said he left his bank statements on the bed and was peeking through the door to see if she would be curious and when he saw her pick up the papers he knew in his gut she was using him for his money, so he set up the restaurant idea to see if she would get upset at paying a 500$ bill which she was.”
“I asked him if he thinks her being an elementary school teacher could’ve contributed to her being upset at a 500$ bill at a restaurant he wanted to go to and he said no.”
“He said the straw that broke was when she asked him why he hasn’t bought her a single gift since they’ve started dating when she bought him a gaming console and new rims for his car and he knew she was just discretely asking him to buy her an expensive gift.”
“He confronted her and said he thinks she’s with him for his money so she said let me do us both a favor and dumped him and blocked him.”
“He’s upset about the ‘gold digging bitch’ and when I laughed he called me an a**hole.”
“He said I would never understand what’s it’s like being a rich man and being used and I get that concern, but I told him if he thinks any woman will be okay with his tests and auditions he’s delusional as hell.”
“If he doesn’t want to be used for his money he should start dating people as wealthy as him or leave lower income people alone if he’s not going to be genuine in his relationships unless they pass his ‘test’.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for calling their brother out on his behavior.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s brother was extremely rude and paranoid, which his girlfriend didn’t deserve at all, and he needed someone to tell him so if he ever wanted a successful relationship.
“Your brothers tests are flawed.”
“Papers on the bed, hmmm, let me glance at them to see if it’s relevant to me and if not, put them out of the way.”
“If he wanted her to buy dinner, go somewhere she can afford.”
“No teacher I know would pay $500 for a dinner.”
“That was his biggest a**hole move.”
“Your brother is a massive a**hole.”
“The items she got him as gifts are not cheap, so I don’t know where he gets off saying she is a gold-digger, if anything sounds like he is.”
“She isn’t a gold digger she’s a nice person.”
“Your brother needs to go to therapy for his paranoia.”- Speedywins
“I could be a millionaire and I’d still be pissed if I had to pay $500 for dinner.”
“He’s s very delusional for thinking people would be okay with those test.”
“I feel like nothing she could’ve done would’ve stopped his thoughts of her.”
“He sounds awful.”
“I can’t imagine why any woman would want to be with him with that terrible personality.”
“’I’m going to treat women I date like garbage, and if they break up with me, I’ll know it was because they only wanted my money’.”
“It kinda sounds like HE’S a gold digger tbh.”
“‘Testing her’ would be taking her out to eat and getting separate tabs, not making her pay for everything.”
“And leaving his bank statements on the bed and getting pissy that she looks?”
“HELLO; EVERYONE LOOKS AT PAPERS JUST LEFT ON THEIR BED.”
“Heck, all of her reactions are NORMAL and he’s just acting like a brat.”- KyonaAidoneus
“Sounds like you told your brother the truth.”
“He sounds immature and testing a partner never turns out well.”- Veritas_man
“Only a**hole here is the brother.”
“Also, where does she teach that she can afford game consoles, rims, and $500 dinners?”
“Clearly she’s really responsible with her money, something you’d think the brother would appreciate.”
“If he weren’t such a shallow a**hat.”- Comrad1984
“Your brother sounds extreme, and his tests are completely absurd.”
“You were completely in the right.”
“He needs a reality check.”- Twolegging
“Something tells me that if your brother is driving a car with rims, he’s not as rich as he thinks he is.”
“Regardless, dude has a terrible relationship with the money he does have and apparently a pretty low opinion of himself and what he has to offer.”
“It’d be sad if he wasn’t such an a**hole.”- J0sey_W4les_23
“The sad thing is the only women who will put up with being treated this way will be playing the long game to get his money.”
Because someone after a loving, equal long term relationship will want to be treated with respect.”-Cevanne46
“Your brother has some serious mental issues.”- FSF_VVG
“Your brother sounds like the gold digger.”
“She has bought him 3 expensive items in 6 month.”
“Rims for his car.”
“Forced her to pay for a $500 dinner at a restaurant he insisted they eat at.”
“Just because he has his own money, doesn’t mean he’s not trying to get all of hers too.”
“Many rich people are rich because they are tight-ass cheapskates who refuse to spend their own money.’
“I hope you stay in touch with the ex-girlfriend.”- AlexisRosesHands
“I sort of get the desire to see if she was just using him, but his way about doing so would piss off anyone.”
“Like not even getting her flowers or something in 6 months?”- HellblazerHawk
“Your brother sounds like a miserly mess of a man.”
“He got what he deserves and no woman with any self respect is going to suffer that sort of treatment for very long.”
“You may want to inform your brother that if this is how he sees women and thinks it’s appropriate to treat them that way that money is all he actually has to offer so he should either straighten himself out, get good with being alone or learn to love him some gold diggers because that’s all his attitude earned him.”- WayiiTM
Perhaps it’s the downside that comes with being wealthy, thinking that your money is the only thing people like about you.
But if the OP’s brother continues to test friends and girlfriends in this paranoid, duplicitous manner, he will likely find himself spending many nights alone, with his money.
As the saying goes, money can’t buy you happiness.