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Bride Called Out For Planning On Wedding Cake With Strawberries Despite Mom’s Mild Allergy

Couple cutting wedding cake with strawberries
Halfpoint Images/Getty Images

Should wedding accommodate family members or are they just about those getting married?

That’s the question Redditor Akiyuu has found themselves asking after an incident with their mother.

The Original Poster (OP) ultimately took their question to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

She asked:

“AITA for not banning strawberries from my wedding cake?”

She went on to explain:

“I’m getting married next year. I love strawberries and I want some on my wedding cake.”

“My plan is to have a four tier cake where the bottom two are completely separate entities with different flavours and the top two are lemon/strawberry.”

“My mother is mildy allergic to strawberries. Will have a headache and a mild rash if she eats one but is fine with eating food that has touched strawberries.”

“She is absolutely incensed with my plan to include strawberries in my wedding cake and continously makes passive aggressive comments…”

“…about how wedding RSVPs include a section for the guests allergies and she would never serve something a guest couldn’t eat.”

“I explained to her that she is more than free to eat the other two cakes, they will be entirely strawberry free…”

“…aren’t even touching the top cake and more importantly, my mother has diabetes and won’t be eating more than a small slice to begin with.”

“My fiance agrees she’s being selfish.”

“I’m making this post because I was telling my dad about this issue and she walked in and added that…”

“…’this is my only daughters one and only wedding, I want to be able to eat every part of the cake.’ Haven’t been able to close my mouth since from the pure shock.”

“I mean. It’s MY only wedding. And she sees nothing wrong with saying something so insanely out of pocket??”

“Well. My dad agrees with her so maybe I’m taking this too seriously and I can skip strawberries for a day? I really don’t want to, but I also don’t want to make this a big drama.”

“My mom is used to getting whatever she wants and I’m used to my dad siding with her but I really thought my godd*mn wedding would be the exception.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“NTA as long as it’s actually safe for her to eat the cake, and you aren’t downplaying her allergy.”

“Even if she’s okay with being near strawberries, another tier of the same cake would be worrisome to me.”

“But as long as she’s not completely excluded from dessert, either the other tiers or another dessert, it’s fine.”

“She’s right that you should have a section for allergies on the RSVP though. Make sure there is at least one option for everyone, and that things with a certain ingredient are clear.”

“I have a friend who is allergic to lots of fruit, we gave him a heads up about our cake before the wedding.”

“But we were at another wedding, and the cupcakes had strawberries in them that weren’t obvious.”

“My husband happened to eat one and tell him ‘Hey, I just had a cupcake and it had a strawberry in it, heads up’. But had this guy grabbed a cupcake first, it could have been bad.”

“My husband is a vegetarian and we were at a wedding. A waiter was passing out egg rolls and he asked if there was meat in it and they had no clue.”

“Knowing allergies, you can say to the waiters, ‘Make sure you can answer that X has Y in it.’” – Usrname52


“She’s making it seem like the most important aspect of this day is her ability to eat, or not eat, cake.”

“She’s made a weird powerplay over cake. It’s bizarre. She is making it seem like this entire event is based on guests eating all layers of a cake.” – HeirOfRavenclaw


“My MIL (and 3 other guests) share the same, reasonably significant food allergy and didn’t expect our wedding cake to be suitable for them.”

“Hubs and I wanted them to be able to enjoy with us so I arranged for there to be a separate cake which they could eat, which was decorated to match the main cake.”

“They were over the moon and so appreciative but none of them expected it or would have kicked off if it wasn’t available.”

“You already have 2 tiers of cake that she can eat so to my mind there isn’t an issue, except that she’s not getting her own way 100%” – QuarantinisRUs

“NTA – Why is she demanding every part of the cake? What if your fiancé wanted something that she hated…would she demand he change his desires too?”

“I think by having 2 entire tiers of your cake separate, you’ve given her options. You are trying to accommodate. Her demanding all of your cake suits her is definitely selfish.” – Shai7809

“Do you and the fiancee have the 2k? Just give her money back. Then make the changes to suit you both.”

“You are 27 and never had a cake with strawberries for your birthday. I’m appalled on your behalf. Your mother is entitled to another level. She is so used to having you as a doormat.”

“You are starting a new phase of your life. Find your shiny spines and start saying no. Have that strawberry cake. It’s your declaration of adulthood and independence. Have an awesome wedding.”

“You also now learned an important lesson, money has strings. Your mother has controlled you enough and is now controlling your wedding.”

“Are you going to let her control the rest of your lives? When you get pregnant what rules will you have for your children?”

“You know she’s going to walk all over you, and your Dad will be useless in standing up for you.” – AmIarealbunny

“NTA — There are other layers/cakes available. If you made them *all* strawberry, that would be inconsiderate.”

“Mother of the groom here, my son’s bride really loves stuffed peppers. I have a strong sensitivity to stuffed peppers.”

“There will be stuffed peppers on the buffet, I don’t have to take one, there will be many other dishes for me to choose from.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having something that some guests can’t have, as long as there are reasonable options that they *can* have.”

“Maybe as a gesture of goodwill, offer to let her pick the flavors for one of the other layers?” – Low_Cost3404


“‘this is my only daughters one and only wedding, I want to be able to eat every part of the cake.’”

“It’s your one and only wedding……..and we don’t always get what we want.”

“‘She is absolutely incensed with my plan to include strawberries in my wedding cake and continuously makes passive-aggressive comments…’”

“‘…about how wedding RSVPs include a section for the guests allergies and she would never serve something a guest couldn’t eat.”

“I don’t know anyone who did this. I think it’s too much to expect a couple planning an event to mind everyone’s dietary needs.” – indicatprincess

“NTA. This is an insane demand. If she were gluten-intolerant, would she be insisting nothing at the wedding can contain gluten?”

“You have more than adequate arrangements for her allergy.” – extinct_diplodocus

“What if your situation was reversed? I’ll bet that your mom would never limit her choices for you like she wants you to do for her.”

“Ask her if she had food at her wedding that anyone was allergic to. She won’t know. So, why should she expect you to go beyond her standard?”

“Always, always turn these over-the-top demands around and present a mirror image. See how well it holds up (not very well, almost always.)”

“NTA.” – sezit

“NTA. Your wedding, your cake, your strawberries.”

“Your comment about your mom being used to getting what she wants is the key here. She hates that the cake isn’t all about her.”

“I think it’s very kind that two tiers of your cake are suitable for her anyway, they don’t have to be. F*ck it, make the whole thing strawberries.” – MaxGoldfinch25

“NTA but based on your other comment that you were never allowed a strawberry cake for your own birthday, EVER…”

“…it seems like your mom just doesn’t want you to have anything special for yourself for some weird reason and is using the strawberries to get her way again.”

“Don’t budge on this. It’s YOUR day.” – tasty_terpenes

“Some advice: stand your ground now because based on what you’ve said, your mother will try to run every part of your married life and make all the decisions.”

“You and your new husband don’t need that stress. I’m sorry you have a mother like this but it’s fine to go LC. NTA” – Littleballoffur22


“1. You don’t plan your entire menu around one guest’s allergies. You accommodate the guest with an alternative meal.”

“2. You have an alternative already planned out.”

“3. It’s not her wedding.”

“4. ‘able to eat every part of the cake’? WTF does that even mean? Your mother is f*cking weird.”

“5. ‘My mom is used to getting whatever she wants’ because no one ever tells her no.” – Character-Toe-2137

Not looking good for Mom, no matter which way you slice it.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)