Weddings are exciting times for family, but that doesn't mean they can't cause major tensions.
Wanting to avoid drama, a new mom made a decision she thought would be best for her sanity regarding an upcoming wedding for her sister-in-law (SIL).
But when things went south, she visited the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor LargeChallenge6242 asked:
"AITA for telling my husband to book a hotel for us while we attend my SIL's wedding, rather than share accommodations with his family?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My husband and I are going to be traveling soon to attend his sister's wedding along with our one year old son. The plan was that we would land at his parent's place and attend one of the wedding ceremonies there."
"A few days after that, there's another wedding reception in my SIL's soon-to-be husband's city. My in-laws plan to book a few train compartments for the entire family, and an airbnb for the stay there (2-3 days)."
The OP continued:
"I really don't want to be in a confined space with my in-laws for that long, especially with my son. My in-laws and I used to be cordial with each other until my son was born. A few weeks after delivery, my MIL and SIL visited us to 'help.' "
"All they did was just find any opportunity to hold him, regardless of whether he was asleep or in my arms, criticizing me for being too clingy with him when I would put my foot down and basically started locking myself in my room with him, lament how poor my cooking was and how sorry they felt for their poor son/brother who had to endure it, until both my husband and I had had enough and my husband hinted heavily that they had overstayed their welcome."
"Since then, I get hounded for not sending enough pictures and videos of him, and how I dress him. I'm so grateful we're far enough away that we see them rarely."
"I told my husband a couple of days ago that I'd rather we just fly from his parent's place to the other city and just stay at a hotel while we attend the second ceremony. My husband said that would make us look snobbish, that he himself wasn't over the moon about the whole itinerary but it was a family event and we should be with family."
"The fact that he wasn't into it frustrated me even more because like we're all making ourselves uncomfortable for what then? We got into an argument, his mother and sister's stay got rehashed and I told him he was choosing to make me uncomfortable rather than potentially risk his family being affronted. AITA?"
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
"NTA- while it is a family event, being locked in with family for the train ride and then in an Air B&B will be very uncomfortable for everyone since you have a 1 year old. They need routine and peace and quiet to rest, and your family will want to pass him around and he will end up possibly sick."
"It's fine to have him visit with family for a reasonable amount of time, but he needs time to nap and play without the overstimulation. Use him as your reason for the alternate trip plans and advise the family that you would feel horrible if his crying ruined everyone's fun time."
"You can even let them know he is teething/starting his terrible twos early/possessed by a demon so there is no push back. If your husband really wants to stay with the family, let him know he will be in charge of the cranky one year old and you will be in another car getting a nap in yourself." – ShaggiemaggielovsPat
'But it was a family event and we should be with family.'
"The weddings are the events, NOT THE TRANSPORT IN BETWEEN VENUES."
"We are travelling for a wedding later this year, yes we are all getting a B&B together (it was the cheapest option and closest to the venue), and yes technically we are travelling together."
"I say technically because we are driving in a convoy picking up family members along the way (meeting up at designated break spots) but we are doing it because the stretch of highway we will be travelling can be notorious for accidents and this is our way of staying safe."
"NONE of that can be used as an excuse in OPs situation, there is literally no reason why they can't fly, infact, the distance with a kid gives every reason to fly over train because you can get there as quickly as possible, and as a mum, as little time with kids in confined spaces is always a win (our kiddos are having sleepovers with family not attending the wedding)." – Environmental_Art591
"NTA. Let your husband 'spend time' with his family. Make the flight and hotel arrangements for yourself and your son. Let him deal with the fallout. They already treat you poorly, who cares if they think you're a snob. You are never going to be 'good enough' for their son/brother."
"Why bother trying to 'keep the peace' as so many people love to make others do? They didn't care about offending you by sh*t talking whilst you recovered from birth. (Which WTF, they would NOT have eaten if it was me because I would not have cooked for them.) Both now and before your husband failed you."
"Do what you want and let him do as he sees fit. (Maybe don't bother going at all-your SIL doesn't seem to like you why bother supporting her?)" – Foreverforgettable
"NTA put your foot down, point out that you, he and baby are a family of your own. You don't want to get enmeshed in the passive aggressive bullsh*t."
"He needs to say, Hey we decided to give you guys more space and sort out our own accommodation. Junior can be cranky and we don't want to spoil your peace. We will see you at all the functions! Make it a declaration not a request." – Foundation_Wrong
"What? 22 HOURS? Mother of God! I'd fly alone with the child and leave your husband on the train. He gets to have fun with his family and doesn't have to worry about the baby being entertained or pooping in a confined space, and you get there faster to get set. It's a complete win-win. It's not snobbish. It's practical. I'm in the US, though, where trains are more expensive and less utilized for long distances than air travel."
"And on the hotel: I know, this is really tough. I would want a hotel, too. Does your kid get up a lot still and that's an excuse? What are the sleeping arrangements?"
"I might cave on the Airbnb provided your husband agrees he won't 'hint' but will fully tell MIL and SIL to back off at every overstep. (or cave on the train because that's 22 hours and trade it to get a hotel?) That's going to be hard because frankly, he's not going to be paying attention to the dynamics among you and his family. That argument alone might be strong enough for him to agree to a hotel. You WANT him to have fun, but you feel like you have to be on guard, and he won't be available to defend you."
"And practice saying, 'No, thanks, I've got this.' 'No, just relax, I'm feeding the kiddo.' For unsolicited advice responses:
"Something to consider. Something to think about."
"Oh, all parents do their best with the information available."
"I'd also take lots of naps with the baby. I'm assuming you won't have a car, either, which could be totally normal for you but would drive me insane."
"NTA." – Shaking-Cliches
"I'm Indian and idk why your post is giving me south asian vibes. Culturally if you are south asian, there is gonna be fallout if you decide to take a flight and stay in the hotel. There is also gonna be fallout if you don't do it and accompany them on the train and stay in the same house as them."
"So f'k it and choose the peaceful option for yourself. Let your husband grow a spinal cord and cut his umbilical one. Stay at the hotel for the sake of your baby."
"NTA." – Pretentious-fools
"NTA - I have a feeling your husband hasn't properly stood up to his mother and sister about their mistreatment of you during their visits after your son's delivery. If HIS family is causing you discomfort, it's HIS responsibility to fix that."
"And if he isn't willing to have those difficult conversations with his family, then you shouldn't have to act as part of that family. Put your foot down and either demand the space from them, or that he sets boundaries with them." – strawberryfrog3
Overall, Redditors sided with the OP for wanting to book separate accommodations for herself and her husband.
They also thought that if the husband took issue with this, he could opt to spend more time with his family.
What would you do in this situation?
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.