Friendships are often more complex than people realize.
True, we all have friends who we can rely on, who are always a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to, who we’re equally happy to be there for as well.
That being said, it’s not uncommon for jealousy to arise within friendships.
Even with those we consider our nearest and dearest.
The wedding of Redditor Own-Prize-4078 was fast approaching, and her best friend was set to be her maid of honor (MOH).
The original poster (OP) was finding herself experiencing those all-too-common anxious episodes that come with planning a wedding.
Things took an unexpected turn, however, when the OP’s MOH made an announcement that not only added to her wedding planning stress, but might have forever affected their friendship.
Wondering if she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA my best friend is having her wedding a month before mine”
The OP explained why her MOH’s wedding date threw her into a tizzy and forever threatened their friendship:
“My wedding is in May 2026.”
“My best friend, I will call Sara, is my MOH.”
“I have been planning my wedding for a long time and it has been very stressful.”
“The issue is Sara over dinner informed me she is having her wedding in April of 2026.”
“I asked her why and she told me the venue was open and asked me to be her MOH.”
“I told her that it was about a month before my wedding.”
“She told me she knows and started talking about needed to go weddding shopping and that the bachelorette party needs to be planned.”
“I told her that she is making my life so much harder.”
“That she knows that I am stressed about my own wedding and now I have to do all this extra sh*t for her wedding. not to mention she knows I am tight on money due to my own wedding and I can’t buy the stuff without going in debt.”
“Like bridesmaid dresses or do an extra trip.”
“I also point out that I knew she had a problem with me getting married first (she is older, and made comments about how nice is was to get married, and that she should have been first and this was petty bullsh*t.”
“She got mad and told me I don’t control the wedding date, and she can have it whenever.”
“That if I am not going to be her MOH and help plan it to not come at all.”
“I told her okay and told her good luck.”
“I have gotten many mixed responses about this and want an outside perspective.”
“She got engaged last weekend, for her one-year anniversary.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for their reaction to Sara’s wedding date.
Many agreed with the OP that Sara planned her wedding when she did simply to one-up her, and was being petty and malicious:
“I have a feeling I will be downvoted.”
“NTA.”
“That is f*cked up to put her wedding a month beforehand and ask you to do all this extra stuff when she knows you are stressed about your own wedding.”
“She plans to do it in 6 months and expects you to be MOH and all that entails.”
“Weddings usually take a full year to plan.”
“Yes, she is doing it to be a d*ck.”
“The whole be my MOH or don’t come is stupid.”- SoccerProblem3547
“NTA.”
“You have no say in when she has her wedding.”
“And you’re not AH for declining to be her MOH since you have your own wedding to plan.”
“And normally I’d say no AH here, but Sara agreed to be YOUR MOH.”
“And that involves a lot of work, which she most likely won’t be doing a good job of, since she is planning her own wedding, getting married, AND having her honeymoon just before your date.”
“So she’s not going to be a good MOH.”
“Which makes her the AH here.”
“Plus if she has a bigger budget, her wedding will definitely overshadow yours.”
“If you’re ready to end the friendship, you’re free to decline to be her MOH and find a new MOH for your wedding.”- 1962Michael
“NTA.”
“You’ve been planning your wedding for a long time, she suddenly announces hers is one month before yours, and then she has a tantrum because you won’t shift essential money and planning energy from your own wedding to hers.”
“The ‘I should have been first’ energy is gross and will continue to show up in your friendship if you stay close to her.”
“Let this friendship die and enjoy your wedding without the presence of a fake friend who sees you as competition.”- Rich_Leather8124
“Do you have a backup MOH?”
“You’re going to need one, I’m betting.”
“But no.”
“You are NTA.”
“That’s just too much to handle at once.”- Aggravating_Sun7672
“NTA.”
“Given the precedence of her behavior while you’re planning your wedding, I don’t think you’re the a**hole.”
“I think you’re doing the right thing.”
“Congratulations on your wedding.”- Affectionate_Two2497
“NTA.”
“You’re well within your rights to decline being MOH when you’ve already spent so much time, energy, and money on your own wedding.”
“She should have known when she picked that date there’d be a huge chance you couldn’t be MOH or even a bridesmaid.”
“For her to basically say ‘be my MOH or don’t come’ is not something a best friend would do.”
“I’d start looking for a new MOH.”- Zadsta
“NTA.”
“Drop the so-called friend.”- InkBlot83
“NTA.”
“I agree with you.”- Elmy50
“NTA.”
“I had a friend who was a one-upper.”
“I’d be lying in a hospital bed and she would be trying to get in there with me, pushing me to the side to say she was sick too.”
“I get where you are coming from.”
“She sounds horrible.”
“I wish you had included in the edit for the whole story since most people are going say you are the ah.”- Beautyizdead
“NTA.”
“In my opinion.”
“While she is allowed to have her wedding anytime, suddenly deciding to do a wedding right before yours does reek of jealousy and control issues.”
“Additionally, if your budget is stretched tight.”
“It just feels shitty and like too much.”
“You two don’t really sound like best friends.”
“Maybe time to move on.”- IndicaRain
There were some, however, who felt that the OP didn’t need to sink quite so low, and wondered why she even chose Sara as her maid of honor if she brought on so much trouble, even if they still didn’t sympathize with Sara:
“ESH.”
“You don’t own dibs on the months around your wedding date.”
“You can just decline being a maid of honor without accusing her of being jealous and trying to sabotage you.”
“Are you two even friends?”
“If she’s saying the invite depends on your helping or not, that’s pretty rude and not what a friend would do either.”- thewhiterosequeen
“ESH.”
“‘I told her that she is making my life so much harder. That she knows that I am stressed about my own wedding and now I have to do all this extra sh*t for her wedding’.”
“This is rude as f*ck, you should have just politely declined and told her you wouldn’t be available to take on the responsibilities because of your own prior obligations.”
“But she’s also rude as f*ck for telling you not to come unless you agree to be her maid of honor, that’s extremely unreasonable and manipulative.”
“‘I talk about getting a dog , she gets one before me’.”
“Bro do you think you would have been the first person to ever get a dog?”
“Who f*ckin cares.”- BigBigBigTree
The OP later returned with an update, sharing where things currently stood between her and her maid of honor:
“You’re right, I responded badly to it, but I am done,”
“She has a habit of always having to be first, always having to be the center of attention.”
“And for once I thought It would be about me and she does this.”
“I talk about getting a dog, she gets one before me, and from the same place I talked about.”
“Literally was meeting them a few days after she dropped that.”
“I plan a vacation to the Finger Lakes, oh she does it two weeks before my date and tells everyone how great her idea was on vacation
“So on and so on, I bet if I talked about kids, she would get pregnant just to beat me to it.”
“Always having to be first for everything.”
“I am just done with her; I deserve better.”
“The wedding was the last straw.”
There’s no denying that Sara’s wedding date was bound to be an unpleasant surprise for the OP.
Even so, based on everything the OP said, it doesn’t really seem like Sara and the OP are friends.
Leaving one to wonder if either of them will be missed at either wedding.