Every wedding is meant to be special.
And there probably isn’t one single day in all 365 that isn’t an anniversary for some couple.
Sharing wedding dates IS going to happen in life.
So why can’t some people share nicely?
Redditor Grahamreaper12 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for having my wedding on the same day (different year) as my brother?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My G[irl]F[riend] and I just got engaged.”
“She has a brain tumor (not cancer) that has accelerated our timeline.”
“We are going to get legally married so that I can get her on my insurance for treatment and eventually brain surgery.”
“Because she is going to need brain surgery, which will require a good portion of her head to be shaved and will leave a scar, she wants to have the formal wedding this year so she can feel beautiful and not have a bald spot/ scar.”
“We have looked at a few venues, and we found one we love, and that is in our budget.”
“The problem is that the only date they have available in 2026 is Halloween.”
“My brother and his fiancée have said they are getting married on Halloween 2027, but they have not put money down on a venue, have not sent out save the dates, and honestly, I dont believe they have the money for this, so at best it is tentative in my book.”
“I understand that choosing the same date might be considered a faux pas, so I asked my brother if it would bother him and offered that my fiancée and I celebrate our anniversary on the day we get legally married going forward instead of Halloween.”
“This way, it could be considered his day, and we said we would have no Halloween theme or decorations if he wants that for his wedding and doesn’t want us to have a similar theme.”
“I expected some level of understanding, but he was bulls**t and told me not only can we not have our wedding on Halloween, but we also cannot have it in October at all.”
‘I am going to look at other venues and try and find something to not upset him, but ultimately, if I can’t find something else that we love and can afford, I am just going to go ahead with the Halloween date.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. No one owns a date.”
“Your situation is serious.”
“Get married and be happy.” ~ Confident_Gur_1635
“Agree, AND NOBODY cares about other people’s anniversary dates. NTA.” ~ 2Fluffy_Bunnies
“My sister ALMOST got married on my 6th wedding anniversary, and my husband and I were actually really excited to share an anniversary with them.”
“We told them it’s a great day to get married and how happy we were for them.”
“They ended up falling in love with a venue that was booked that day, so our wedding anniversaries are now a week apart. We send them flowers every year to celebrate.”
“OP NTA but given everything going on, your brother is.” ~ majesticallymidnight
“We don’t even remember our own anniversary, let alone someone else’s.”
“If the brother hasn’t actually booked or paid for anything, then it’s not his (their day).”
“The reason is strong enough that if my brother kicked up a fuss, I’d probably lose my sh*t at him and take the day regardless.”
“I certainly wouldn’t go to the effort of trying to find another venue/date.” ~ Alfredthegiraffe20
“NTA, They dont own the date.”
“My husband and I can rarely even remember our own, let alone anyone else’s.” ~ Organic-Mix-9422
“NTA. If the venue you love and can afford only has X date available and you’re open to the date, go for it!”
“No one owns a date.” ~ ehumanbeing
“NTA, but consider a legal marriage with a huge recommitment ceremony later.”
“Sooner on Healthcare, sooner the surgery.” ~ Repulsive-Hedgehog27
“NTA. Get married while you can; tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.” ~ Mukeli1584
“Your only mistake here was asking him in the first place and giving him a chance to object.”
“The idea of owning a month is ridiculous even without your individual circumstances. NTA.” ~ Possible_Day_6343
“NTA. Brain tumor surgery trumps all other considerations – just a complete free pass.”
“If there wasn’t a brain tumor, it gets closer, but you’re still probably not an AH because they haven’t booked anything.” ~ EntireKangaroo148
“NTA. Okay, I feel like I need to sit him down and explain: you get a day.”
“Not that date in perpetuity is reserved for you and only you.”
“Where’s his bloody compassion?”
“This is the stupidest thing to gatekeep.”
“There’s a whole year after your wedding for him to have everyone focus on him.” ~ Sweeper1985
“NTA. Dude.”
“I want to go off on your brother so fucking bad.”
“Have your wedding when you can, ASAP.”
“Don’t worry about the day, he can get over much faster than if you wait to get her on your medical, wait to get treatment, and she f**king dies because your brother was being possessive over a date.” ~ Thriillsy
“NTA. It’s Halloween, dude.”
“Like, no shade to anyone who’s gotten married on Halloween, but it’s not like it’s a unique thing.”
“It happens a LOT.”
“I could get it if it were any other random day of the year, being a little upset by it or asking if you could maybe reconsider, but HALLOWEEN?”
“Does he know that MANY other people will be getting married on that very day, with Halloween decorations??”
“He’d better start writing emails.”
“He definitely doesn’t own the MONTH either.”
“And I’m sorry, but if they haven’t made any effort to secure their plans, then they can’t say it’s definitely happening anyway.”
“You tried to give him a polite heads up, and it’s nice that you did, but you absolutely can do whatever works for you and your fiancé.” ~ justlemmeread
“NTA. He doesn’t get to gatekeep the wedding date in an entirely different year.”
“I think it’s nice that you’ll share an anniversary in future years.”
“I’m sorry he doesn’t see it that way.”
“Don’t let him impact your plans.” ~ catsaway9
“NTA. Get married on Halloween.”
“Multiple people in my family share anniversary dates.”
“My cousin got married on my 5th anniversary.”
“They brought out a cake for my me and my husband in the middle of their reception!”
“We hugged them and thanked them and sent it back to the kitchen and continued to celebrate their wedding.”
“We took the cake to a different aunt’s house and ate it with the family the next day.”
“Your brother can’t call dibs on a date, and especially not a month.”
“When they have kids, are they going to say no to trick or treating because mommy and daddy have to celebrate their anniversary?” ~ Professional_Cat_996
“NTA In my experience, a wedding anniversary isn’t something you generally celebrate with others. “
“It’s a meaningful day to you and your spouse.”
“Get married when you want.”
“It’s not even in the same year.”
“Nobody owns a day or month in perpetuity.” ~ beachbumm717
“NTA. My son and his wife have the same anniversary as his Mom and I do.”
“It wasn’t intentional, he’s just a knucklehead (saying that lovingly) who didn’t remember when our was.”
“Not upset at all about it.”
“We think it’s cute.” ~ DirectAccountant3253
“NTA- So, Halloween this year will just be the wedding celebration, but you will legally get married and celebrate the legal marriage date anniversary as your anniversary?”
“Your brother needs to move along.”
“I get that technically you are having a wedding on a date he wants, but it’s not your wedding date or anniversary.”
“Choose the venue you like and enjoy your day.”
“Make your official wedding day special too!” ~ sleepygrumpydoc
“NTA. He doesn’t get to claim a day or a month.”
“I share an anniversary date with a cousin.”
“As far as parties in the future, no one has big anniversary parties except on the big years, and you won’t have the same years.”
“Let your fiancée have her dream wedding before she gets her scars and goes through that process.” ~ RoguesAngel
“Don’t know what obsession your brother has with Halloween.”
“In fact, as life progresses and they have kids, etc., it’s the worst day to celebrate a marriage anniversary, especially if they are gonna invite people.”
“NTA… and do as you please.”
“Your brother is a selfish AH.” ~ Fine_Carpenter9774
“There are only 365 days in a year, 366 if it’s a leap year.”
“Everyone is going to share important dates with other people, which means that no one can lay claim to a date, especially if it’s in a different year.”
“I was born on my grandparents’ anniversary and the birthday of a family friend.”
“We got married on my great-grandparents’ anniversary that they shared with great-grandparents on the other side of the family.”
“One of my siblings was born on our Gram’s birthday, my sister’s fiancé has the same birthday as our cousin, and his daughter was born on our aunt’s birthday.”
“Our son was born on my great-grandmother’s birthday.”
“Do your own thing, you aren’t trying to steal anyone’s thunder, you’re trying to make the best of a not great situation, and if your brother has a problem with that, it’s a him problem, not a you problem. NTA.” ~ tacotruckpanic
OP came back with an update…
“We are going to get legally married within the next couple of weeks, so she can get on my health insurance.”
“The tumor she has isnt large enough for them to currently safely remove, so the doctors have advised that it needs to grow a little more so they can safely remove it without worry of causing damage to her brain.”
“She still wants to have her day, even though we will technically be married, and wants it to happen before she has the surgery, which is what’s causing us to need to get the ball rolling.”
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your brother is out of line.
You and your love should go and have your fabulous day.
Here is to a great wedding and a speedy recovery for your lady.