We’ve all gone through our unfair share of hurtful moments in our lives, and many of those memories remain tender for a long time.
Sometimes other people just don’t understand why these moments hurt us the way they did.
So much so, some people continue to invite those hurtful people around, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor ThrowRAwanna_know was placed in an awkward and painful position when he showed up at his brother’s wedding.
When his family started criticizing him for his feelings, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he overreacted.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for leaving my brother’s wedding right before it started?”
The OP was married under false pretenses.
“I (27 [male]) got married pretty young at 20.”
“My ex told me she was pregnant, it would’ve looked bad to both our families, plus the people in our neighborhood, and they pushed us into getting married before the baby was born.”
“I only found out a year and a half after her son was born that he was never mine. I’d started having doubts and got a paternity test.”
“We divorced and it was a huge thing trying to get myself removed from the birth certificate and not be legally responsible for him.”
“My family was really against this because of how long we’d been a ‘family.'”
“They finally stopped and left me alone about being involved and haven’t mentioned anything in years.”
The OP was shocked when he went to his brother’s wedding.
“My older brother’s getting married and I don’t know why nobody decided to tell me this, but his wife wanted my ex invited.”
“They didn’t tell me because he wanted me there and thought I wouldn’t show up at all if I knew.”
“So I guess in a way he was right because the second I saw them at the church, I got mad and started asking my mom and everyone else, ‘What the h**l??'”
“One of my brothers told me the bride wanted her there since they became close back when they were SIL’s (sisters-in-law) and he had to invite her.”
“It was a small wedding too with like 30 people in one backyard and I could see her kid with her.”
The OP was incredibly overwhelmed.
“That’s just not something I could be around. I told my brother I’m sorry but this isn’t gonna happen.”
“I had a lot of emotions hitting me at once and everything was overwhelming.”
“He apologized for ambushing me but he told me to stay.”
“But that was way too much for me and I ended up leaving an hour before the ceremony.”
But others thought the OP was being selfish.
“Suddenly I’m an a**hole and a few relatives are mad at me.”
“My new SIL is the most p**sed off because it could’ve been a chance to talk and enjoy a family moment together, but now my brother’s going to remember that I wasn’t there.”
“It feels like there’s a lot going on right now since I’m still mad at them for everything.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP that it sounded like a terrible ambush.
“NTA, they ambushed you with an ex who tried to pawn off someone else’s kid on you. That’s not a small thing.”
“I don’t see how the bride could remain friends with someone so dishonest.” – TCTX73
“If they felt it was so important for OP to be there, they should have not set it up so he would leave.”
“They knew how he’d feel or they wouldn’t have ambushed him and they even said they thought he wouldn’t come if they knew she was going to be there. Maybe they didn’t think it through?!!”
“Apparently, the ex was more important to the bride so she can’t be p**sed. If it was a large wedding, maybe OP would have opted to stay but with 30 people they had to know. Wow.” – JuryNo7670
“NTA. You were blindsided and that s**t is not ok.”
“Your family kinda sucks.”
“They forced you to marry someone and then tried to bully you into staying in a marriage that you didn’t want to be in, to begin with. Especially after finding out the kid isn’t yours.”
“That’s a lot to process.” – queen_perra
Others thought the family chose the ex-wife over the OP.
“It was obviously one or the other. The bride was foolish to think a friend would trump a brother like this.” – bakarac
“The rest of the family apparently took the ex/friend’s side here.”
“And regardless of OP’s reasons and ‘the whole story,’ I guarantee you that the ex who just… attended a wedding and mingled with guests like a typical wedding guest… came out of this looking better than the guy who ‘had an episode,’ threw a tantrum, and ran out on their own brother’s wedding.” – tryandbereasonable14
“I can’t believe that anyone would expect you to gloss over such awful, deceitful abusive behavior.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that. Your family is making it worse by expecting you to act as if nothing happened. NTA.” – Duthchas
A few pointed out the sister-in-law was trying to pin the blame on the OP.
“Your SIL is p**sed because your brother is upset and will remember that you missed his wedding and knows that it was because of her.”
“This is on them, that’s why she is trying to put the blame on you.”
“NTA” – roguishevenstar
“Your SIL is the a**hole here. She has bad taste in friends and she’s the reason you weren’t at the wedding.”
“Your brother is also an a**hole for allowing this to happen. I’d go NC (no-contact) because this s**t will just happen again. NTA.” – Littleballoffur22
Though the OP’s family was criticizing him for how he walked out of his brother’s wedding, the subReddit sympathized with him for needing to leave.”
“Inviting someone to the wedding who put the OP through such a terrible experience is hardly okay, not to mention expecting him to tough it out and have a good time for the sake of his brother’s wedding memories.