Not borrowing, using, or even touching property that doesn’t belong to us seems like it should be a given.
Sadly, not everyone appreciates the importance of doing so.
What’s more, people who do handle other people’s belongings without permission often find themselves getting into sticky or embarrassing situations.
The future mother-in-law (MIL) of Redditor youranonymoushater was paying an extended visit with the original poster (OP) and her fiancée.
Unfortunately, the OP’s MIL picked up an annoying, borderline invasive, habit during her stay.
Eventually leading the OP to come up with a rather unorthodox method of getting her to stop.
A method that gave the OP a good laugh, but left her fiancée fuming.
Wondering if she went too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ordering weird things in delivery to embarrass my MIL?”
The OP explained her bizarre plan to put an end to her MIL’s bad habit:
“My MIL is visiting our country, she has been here 6 months and will stay another 6 before she is her other daughter’s headache.”
“Me and my girlfriend have been planning on getting married, she is here to help us manage, and we naturally keep ordering a lot of stuff.”
“Most of the things we order are random household stuff, nothing private but I just find it weird that she opens my packages.”
“She also open her own daughter’s (my gf) packages.”
“I asked my girlfriend why she does it and she said ‘1. my mom thinks we are all women here, nothing to hide’.”
“‘2. It’s mostly kitchen stuff and she manages the kitchen now so she thinks it’s hers’.”
“‘3. Whatever she needs we order for her so it comes in our name, she checks if its hers and if it’s not hers she keeps it in our room’.”
“All of these reasons I didn’t understand.”
“She is at home when delivery comes.”
“No need to open the packages right away.”
“Let me get home and check it and if it’s yours I will hand it to you myself.”
“To handle this, I told her to not open packages because we need unboxing videos these case in case of damages.”
“That did not stop her.”
“She opened another package saying “I thought it was the mosquito repellent I asked for’.”
“The repellent is a long big can, the package was a dead small jewelry package’.”
“To combat this I started ordering weird stuff- female condoms, weird masks, handcuffs and today finally I ordered a strap on, and I am sure she was dead embarrassed seeing it.”
“I was having fun laughing at it, she said nothing, it was kept in my room.”
“I told my friends as well, and then my girlfriend came home and I told her.”
“Least to say, she was not happy about it.”
“She said I should not have embarrassed her mom like that, we don’t even use a strap on, I should not have humiliated her.”
“Very quick the conversation went to how I am making her feel uninvited and she is a widow and alone and we should be welcoming and caring towards her etc etc.”
“Girlfriend is pissed, really pissed.”
“Okay maybe I went too far.”
“But again, she should not have touched my packages in the first place.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for having weird packages delivered to her house.
Nearly everyone agreed that the OP needed to find a way for her MIL to stop opening her packages, with many pointing out that opening other people’s mail is often against the law, while others urged the OP to question if staying in this relationship was a good idea:
“Let me say be the first to say it – NTA, but you have a GF problem, not a MIL problem.”
“You came up with a silly/slightly passive aggressive response to this situation that has been bothering you.”
“OK. But now what?”
“You are allowed to have preferences and boundaries, and ‘Hey if packages are addressed to me, I will be the one to open them’ is perfectly reasonable.”
“But if you say that repeatedly, and are ignored, then your GF needs to have your back and not make excuses for her mom.”
“If GF can’t understand that, you need to insist on couples counseling before the wedding.”-BambooRaccoon13
“You’re NTA.”
“My MIL is visiting our country, she has been here 6 months and will stay another 6 before she is her other daughter’s headache.”
“Holy crap, that is an incredibly long visit and it’s about 51 weeks too long for a sleep-in guest.”
“Your future mother in law is nosy and intrusive and she earned what she got.”
“If she refuses to learn her lesson, you’re probably going to have to send your packages to a drop box since your future wife doesn’t have your back.”
“Fixed my original error with how long this extremely long visit is- worse than I thought.”-Dittoheadforever
“NTA.”
“But your gf and MIL are.”
“Your MIL is because she keeps breaking a boundary you are trying to create.”
“Your gf is a huge one because she is gaslighting you.”
“Your MIL is going to be with you 51 weeks too long.”
“You might want to consider if you actually want to marry your gf.”
“This isn’t going to get any better at all.”
“Your boundaries will never be respected.”
“TBH, I love how you’ve been ordering stuff to get your point across.”
“It’s petty and I love it.”- spymatt
“NTA, but your gf and MIL are.”
“Your MIL is because she keeps breaking a boundary you are trying to create.”
“Your gf is a huge one because she is gaslighting you.”
“Your MIL is going to be with you 51 weeks too long.”
“You might want to consider if you actually want to marry your gf.”
“This isn’t going to get any better at all.”
“Your boundaries will never be respected.”
“TBH, I love how you’ve been ordering stuff to get your point across.”
“It’s petty and I love it.”- spymatt
There were others, however, who felt that even if the OP’s MIL needed to stop opening packages that weren’t hers, they otherwise felt that the OP’s methods were unnecessarily petty.
“ESH.”
“Sucks that your GF and her mother aren’t listening when you ask not to open your packages, just because it doesn’t bother them doesn’t mean you’re wrong for it bothering you.”
“But.”
“If an item is being ordered for her…”
“JUST PUT HER NAME ON THE DELIVERY, as long as the address is correct it doesn’t matter whose name is on a package.”
“You’re purposely attempting to embarrass someone, that’s an AH thing to do.”
“You’re also wasting money by ordering stuff you don’t need – this is bad for your finances.”
“It’s also bad for the environment, think of all the waste that has happened because items are being shipped from who knows where just to sit unused in your place, not to mention the packaging.”-roosterSause42
“ESH.”
“Sucks that your GF and her mother aren’t listening when you ask not to open your packages, just because it doesn’t bother them doesn’t mean you’re wrong for it bothering you.”
“But.”
“If an item is being ordered for her… JUST PUT HER NAME ON THE DELIVERY, as long as the address is correct it doesn’t matter whose name is on a package.”
“You’re purposely attempting to embarrass someone, that’s an AH thing to do.”
“You’re also wasting money by ordering stuff you don’t need – this is bad for your finances.”
“It’s also bad for the environment, think of all the waste that has happened because items are being shipped from who knows where just to sit unused in your place, not to mention the packaging.”- roosterSause42
“ESH.”
“Your MIL for continuing to open packages after being told not to.”
“You for intentionally trying to embarrass your MIL.”
“Your girlfriend for not putting her foot down with her own mum.”- DogsReadingBooks
“ESH but I rather like you.”
“Your mother in law is being completely inappropriate.”
“I don’t really understand why you can’t just put the correct person’s name on each package when you place online orders (even if you pay on a particular persons card/account).”
“Regardless, you should enforce the rule about your mail not being opened.”
“In some countries opening another person’s mail is actually an offense.”
“I do think it’s a bit unfortunate that you’re deliberately ordering items to punish your MIL rather than enforcing boundaries in a more mature way.”
“Also, if your partner is fine with her mum opening her mail then you can’t really object to MIL opening things addressed to you both (as MIL got the permission of one of the addressees).”
“It sounds like the real conflict is between you and your gf.”
“You have different boundaries/norms here.”
“I personally would not want my in laws staying with me for six months even without the invasion of mail privacy.”
“Are you okay with the way your gf wants you to live your lives?”- Cat_got_ya_tongue
There were certainly other ways the OP could have come up with to stop her MIL from opening her packages.
That being said, at least her methods worked.
What remains to be seen, however, is whether or not the OP’s methods may have also put an end to her relationship.