Picking the name for your child is one of the first choices that can affect the rest of their lives. There are pros and cons to many name choices, but some names might have more issues than others.
It can even lead to an argument with your significant other, as Redditor Carpet_is_not_cheap found out.
The original poster (OP) can’t decide if they’re wrong for not wanting their partner’s choice of name.
This fight has made OP ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) board if they’re wrong and should give in to their partner’s choice.
OP asked the subReddit:
“AITA for not wanting to name our first child ‘Black’?”
What is their partner’s reasoning?
“My partner and I are having our first child (yay) and I stupidly made a deal with them where they got to name our child if it’s a boy, I get to name it if it’s a girl (I know, I f’d up).”
“Well, we are having a boy and the names my partner is coming up with are…not for me. I have managed to convince them to forget the deal we made so at least that element is gone BUT this does still mean they seem to have a little more say than I do in the situation.”
“Anyway, the name they are really eager to use is ‘Black’. We both want something a bit different without being too hippy-dippy and this is the outcome.”
“Their reasoning is something along the lines of: colours as names are already a thing (e.g. Violet, Blue) and black is just a cool colour. They just think it sounds cool really.”
“However, I think it’s a bit odd as we are both white. It just seems to me like, yeah it’s a colour, but it’s more than that – it’s a race and race is pretty sensitive topic.”
“They think this is crazy logic, that it has nothing to do with race and making it about race is absurd. FWIW we are not American so race isn’t this huge deal like it is over there.”
“Just to clarify – we will not name our child anything we don’t both agree on, but this convo has now become more about whether or not the name is just a colour or something more charged and neither of us can really see the others perspective.”
The choice of name should be one the two can agree on, but understanding why one likes the name and why one does not is important to know.
Was OP wrong to shut down their partner’s name choice? To figure that out, the comments judge OP for their reaction.
This is done by including on of the following in their reply:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The commenters determined that OP was NTA for not wanting this name. There are other names, and despite OP’s assurances, almost many countries have race related issues, even if they aren’t exactly the same as the USA.
It’s pretty easy to see why they wouldn’t want to name their white child “Black”.
“There are a lot of other names that mean black:”
“Jett Coal Ebony Sable Night Slate Onyx Shadow Obsidian” – DarcyKnits
“This is for your partner: Don’t name your white kid Black. American or not. It’s tone deaf and not Cool.”
“As a teacher, I will tell you now, your kid will HATE you because all his classmates with HATE him and terrorize him. He will cut all contact with you the day he turns 18 and will change his name to Michael on the same day.”
“Give him a ‘cool’ name but a name that you wouldn’t be embarrassed to have yourself. For the next month, introduce yourself to strangers as ‘Black’ and ‘Black Last-name’ and see how that goes with adults and also children.” – Constant_Camera3452
“A white kid… ‘Hi I’m Black’… nope . Better to call them Diesel or something like that then a word that has potential to get them into fights.” – didico207
“NTA, and your husband is exhibiting some really questionable judgment. Like seriously questionable judgment.”
“And for what it’s worth, America is not the only place on the planet with a race relations issue. There are black people literally everywhere, and while it might be less outwardly spoken about in the Netherlands or Finland or whatever, it’s still a real issue.” – Main-Watercress-5829
“NTA. Some color names can work as given names for a person, like Violet, but Black isn’t one of them. It also comes with a lot of implications and is heavily prone to misunderstandings.” – ScorchieSong
“Violet is also a flower so I think it’s not always immediately associated with a color. Similar with Rose.”
“Black is the equivalent of naming a kid green, yellow, or purple…it’s just weird.” – PrincessPeach1229
Other commenters really wanted OP to know it’s weird that their partner was so adamant on this name.
“NTA that is really a terrible name.” – yourlittlebirdie
“And why do you think it’s terrible (I agree!)? That is the point we are struggling to agree on.” – Carpet_is_not_cheap (OP)
“Because it sounds like the main character from a cheap romance novel, for one.” – yourlittlebirdie
“Imagine your future child introducing himself: An obviously and visibly white boy walks up and says ‘Hi, I’m Black’.”
“Will this ever go well? Not really. It will be especially awkward when he introduces himself to people who are actually black.”
“He will constantly have to explain his name, give excuses for it, etc. That name will set him up for a burden regardless of how your husband intends for the world to interpret it” – hexagon_heist
“The entire trend of giving kids Special Snowflake names is extremely cringe.”
“I’m not saying every name should be Bob or Samantha but there are a million names out there to choose from that are uncommon and interesting but won’t make it seem like a five-year-old naming a puppy his family just adopted.” – ElizaThornberry4
The issue isn’t that OP can’t articulate why they don’t want the name, but rather why their partner really wants it. The name has obvious social issues, and there are many other options that wouldn’t.