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White Mom Called Out For Giving White Daughter Box Braids To Match Her Biracial Sister


We are in very fragile times right now.

Culturally, as far as we have come, there is still a ton of confusion and misunderstanding permeating.

But the only way to move forward is communication.

So why is that such an issue?

Case in point…

Redditor LaceeBee wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for making my MIL leave after she gave me an ultimatum about my daughter’s hair?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“This might not be the right place to talk about this, but I genuinely need to know if I’m in the wrong from an outsider’s perspective.”

“I (27 F[emale]) have been married for six years to an African American man.”

“We have two biological kids: a 7 year old (Nia) and a 1 year old, and guardianship over the daughter of a friend.”

“I am white which might be why I’m not getting why all of this happened.”

“So when I found out I was pregnant the first time with a girl, I asked for advice from my M[other] I[n] L[aw] about raising a mixed child.””

“She was very helpful and gave me a crash course on how to take care of textured hair.”

“I practised on my S[ister] I[n] L[aw] and her kids, so much so that they literally refer to me as a personal stylist.”

“I found that doing hair is really relaxing and I went on youtube to learn more styles.”

“Needless to say, my nieces/nephews and daughter are always sporting different hairstyles and look great. “

“I can do just about anything.”

“Currently, my 7 year old has an obsession with box braids, especially when I put pink or yellow beads in her hair.”

“Our other daughter, Rachel, is 8 and has been with us for a year and half.”

“We plan on adopting her and she thinks of us as her family now.”

“She and her sisters are extremely close.”

“Recently, when I did my daughter’s hair, Rachel expressed that she wanted braids and beads to match her sister, which excited Nia.”

“The girls would not stop talking about matching hair and clothes at school.”

“I was hesitant because Rachel is caucasian and I wasn’t sure if the braids would damage her hair.”

“After some research on how to do it, it took a lot of trial and error.”

“I managed to get braids like her sister, but I used pink and yellow rubber bands instead of beads.”

“This last weekend, after church, I hosted Sunday dinner at my house as it was my turn.”

“We attend different churches, but always meet up to eat so my MIL hadn’t seen Rachel beforehand.”

“While we socialized and cooked, the kids were playing.”

“I noticed my MIL staring.”

“In front of everyone, she basically told me that I needed to undo my daughter’s braids because it was offensive and upsetting to her.”

“She relayed that she hadn’t taught me to braid for me to give her culture away to a white child and asked how I thought it was appropriate.”

“MIL told me that I needed to teach Rachel now what was and was not appropriate and that when Nia grew up, she wouldn’t have a sense of culture because she had to share it.”

“She told me if I didn’t fix Rachel’s hair, she’d leave and not ever come back.”

“I was fuming and told her that the girls liked it and I didn’t see a problem with braiding her hair, so she knew where the door was.”

“She left and has been causing a fuss ever since.”

“My husband said while it didn’t bother him, I need to apologize and give Rachel a different style but I don’t feel like I should have to.”

“Some of my in-laws and my husband have been after me about making her leave our dinner.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA- mixed girl here.”

“These are kids, with no concept of appropriation or hatred.”

“Your MIL is the one who is trying to introduce that to them before the world even has a chance to harden their hearts.”

“Intent is everything and there’s no malice here to poison said intent.”

“Your husband needs to support you fully and drop the apology ask.”

“You did nothing wrong.”

“For reference, I’m Black, Mexican, and Choctaw.”  ~ CuriousTsukihime

“Kim K got into hot water for this once as well.”

“Her daughter had Fulani braids and wanted her mom to have a matching hairstyle.”

“Kim did the matching style and people freaked out.”

“I’m with the moms on this one… two innocent girls wanted to have fun with matching hair and clothes, which is sweet and adorable.”

“Let them play and have fun while theyre young, before assholes start showing up and ruining everything.”

“NTA. For reference, I am biracial black and white.”  ~ jennyfromtheeblock

“I just wanna introduce here that the MIL is from a different generation and is reacting to her own experience of exclusion and fetishization.”

“Nia and her sister will (hopefully) belong to a generation that is more open and sharing of cultural artifacts.”

“But that doesn’t change what their grandmother experienced.”

“OP, I understand you wanting to protect what your daughters have with each other, and their grandmother might have a little to learn from them.”

“But, and with all the best will in the world, YOU are not the one to teach your MIL.”

“I would STRONGLY urge you to reach out to your MIL and ask if she will sit down with you to a mediated conversation about this issue.”

“And anything else that might be affected by your raising these children together.”

“See if you can find a Black woman from your MIL’s community who has training in conflict resolution, community accountability, and racial dynamics.”

“But who is of YOUR generation, not your MIL’s, so she can maybe help you and MIL bridge that gap.”

“But, OP, you must give yourself over to the mediation and accept responses and solutions you might find ‘unfair.'”

“I think there are NAH, but who the AH is is really not a question you need answered.”

“How to proceed with raising your children is the only important question and for that, as she’s already proven, you need your MIL’s help.”  ~ JadieJang


“I mean, sure, she’s from a different generation, but people use that as an excuse for ignorance all the time and we don’t tolerate it.”

“I’m a Black woman and I get where MIL is coming from – my mom or one of my aunts, all Black and in their 60s, would likely have a similar reaction.”

“It’s the same doodoo face reaction they have when they see biracial couples, especially if the woman is white (in hetero relationships).”

“It took me a while to realize that s**t was unacceptable… but it is.”

“They don’t get a pass because they’re old, Black, and biased.”

“Cultural appropriation is different; that’s not what this is.”  ~ roseofjuly

“This is a great response, and you are exactly the right person to give advice here.”

“And this sentence applies to everyone, independent of race and culture:”

“They don’t get a pass because they’re old and biased!!!!!!”

“I wished more people would think like you!”

“Both my mother and mother in law are racists ( they are both in their late 80s) and it’s not possible to change their mind, we have tried.”

“I hate AHs, and I like nice people, I don’t care what colour their skin is, or their hair, or their nails or clothes for that matter.”

“I really just don’t get it why that makes a difference to other people.”  ~ VirtualMatter2

“THIS. I think people posting need to distinguish between the two.”

“As does the MIL. Cultural appreciation is a wonderful thing.”

“But for over a century, black peoples in the Western Hemisphere have suffered from their culture as a whole being denigrated, whilst elements of it have been appropriated, exploited, and literally billions of dollars being made out of it.”

“Usually with no acknowledgement.”

“OP has done well to learn how to braid, etc and share her skills with her family.”

“Her daughters should all be able to enjoy their matching hairstyles.”

“Her MIL needs to accept ALL the children in the household.”

“MIL needs to walk back her position, and apologize.”

“Rachel growing up in a multi-racial family will likely be a natural ally to POC and other minorities.”

“As an older Black woman, I applaud your efforts OP. NTA.”  ~ Successful_Dot2813

“NTA! As a black woman I get where your MIL is coming from but I would have politely escorted her out of my home if she voiced her demands on how I did my daughter’s hair.”

“If your husband has an issue with it, which he didn’t seem to have before his mother chimed in, then he can follow her out the door.”

“They’re children. It’s hair. Your MIL was the AH & should apologize.”

“Honestly, I would be leery to have her around my children for fear she would treat them differently.”  ~Travel_Eat_Read

Looks like Reddit supports you OP.

This is a tough situation.

Generationally this may never be solved in a way where everyone is happy.

But it’s good to keep trying.