We've all heard sayings - at least one of the many - about what the people you hang out with says about you.
"You are the sum of who you surround yourself with," or, "The people you surround yourself with are an extension of your energy, beliefs, goals, etc..." or a loose version somewhere in between.
So, it's kind of tough to ignore when someone you love - you know, like a spouse - knowingly accompanies a friend on "cheating" vacations.
A guy on Reddit is furious that his wife has agreed to such a girls trip, so he turned to the "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Hairy-Union-7654 asked:
"AITAH for being very upset that my wife is helping her friend cheat on her husband?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"A while ago, my wife and her friend went on a weekend trip, which seemed fine."
"Turns out, the friend didn't really want to go on the trip, she was meeting a guy ('her best friend, her soulmate')."
"Apparently, these two have been messaging each other for years."
"My wife didn't know this, but obviously found out about it, and told me, but she just ignored it because it wasn't our business, we didn't tell the husband."
"It was a weird, wtf, kind of thing. I do not know the husband at all, i barely know this friend."
"I was thinking 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'"
"SO HERE'S THE THING."
"The friend asked my wife to go on another trip, and that she will pay (probably about $3k) for the sole purpose of cheating on her husband again."
"My wife was gleefully ecstatic about going on a free trip."
"She will be the alibi for her friend cheating."
"AITAH for being outraged, feeling betrayed, feeling that our marriage is a f**king joke, and frankly wanting to end it."
"If her and 'the girls' make such a farce of marriage, and help each other out and cover for each other cheating, wtf is our marriage?"
"I am seriously considering telling my wife that she can make her own decisions, but they have consequences."
"And when she returns for the f**k fest cheating weekend, the locks will be changed and the divorce papers will be pinned to the front door."
Redditors weighed in on the situation and declared OP was not the a**hole (NTA), with many agreeing that his wife aiding and abetting an affair is just as wrong as doing it herself... that is, if she hasn't already.
"NTA"
"Ask your wife if you were cheating, would she want people to tell her?" - RaddishSlaw
"My friend, you know your wife is happy to facilitate cheating and that says a lot about her and none of it is good."
"If you continue to trust your wife would never cheat on you then you are thicker than mattress baguette NTA" - FruitcakeAndCrumb
"NTA"
"Divorce her."
"If she would assist someone else cheating, you can bet she would have no problem asking her friend to do the same for her." - BlueGreen_1956
"She will cheat on you on her free trip."
"After all her friend is doing it without conséquence so why bother being loyale?"
"NTA" - I_ship_it07
"Sorry, but your wife has already cheated on you or is planning to on this next trip."
"Her openly talking about her friend is gagging your reaction."
"If you are okay with her friend cheating the wife's math's is you won't pull the pin if she does the same."
"Let her go and when she returns, wait for the conversation on O/M."
"Or take the hit now and free yourself." - Stay_sharp101
"Ya dude lol."
"The old Chinese saying… 'if they will cheat with you they will cheat on you'"
"1000000% your wife is cheating on you too."
"This is likely her way of soft-telling you / rationalizing it / warming the waters."
"Your wife's participation in all of this already shows you that she doesn't value marriage and allows low-integrity people in her life."
"Hell you didn't even care about the first time. You kept that secret, too."
"You allowed yourself to allow this behavior."
"It's called conditioning. And all you will do is delay the inevitable."
"You will continue to live with stress, paranoia, and misery."
"Just get it over with."
"The most valuable asset anyone has is time… and you are choosing to waste yours every. Single. Day." - LegalStatistician172
"If she is ok with the friend doing it then she is ok with cheating.. period!!"
"Who is to say they aren't in this together."
"Both of them could be cheating maybe he has a friend."
"Maybe the other wife is saying the same thing to her husband."
"How would you know?"
"She obviously is ok with lying to the friend's husband about his wife, if the topic ever came up she would cover for the friend, she could be doing the same thing to you."
"Ask her if you can go along with them you need some time away and you could just pay for you since the friend is paying for the two of them."
"Or just book a trip without her knowing and surprise them there." - First_Assignment9773
"NTA. My ex-wife cheated on me non-stop."
"People knew, but they didn't facilitate it. Your wife is the AH."
"Plot twist... Your wife is the one cheating and using her friend as the alibi."
"I'm not saying that's what is happening, but it's certainly a possibility." - chzeman
"At this point, even if your wife chooses not to go on the trip, you now know that she was gleefully ecstatic about it in the first place."
"'It' = being an alibi for her friend to cheat more than once."
"I feel like the damage is completely already done."
"The blinders are fully off, and you can see your wife for what/who she is. Not good. Also, NTA." - Complete-Design5395
"NTA - but it's very telling of your wife's character that she would even want to go on a trip like this."
"I'd be suspect of her if I were you and would tell the friend's husband about it."
"Not your circus, yes, but your monkey is about to make it yours." - Comfortable_Log_4128
"I'd say it's about an 80% chance your wife is also f*cking other guys."
"Especially when covering for her friend."
"The friend needs something in return to ensure she'll keep silent. 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'"
"Tell her straight out."
"I appreciate you being honest about your friend cheating, BUT she's a bad influence, and IT IS AFFECTING OUR MARRIAGE."
"Put it on her to decide who or what is more important, your marriage or BFF??"
"THIS WILL GIVE YOU YOUR ANSWER AS TO WHAT YOUR WIFE IS UP TO!!!" - IntentionUsed8474
"NTA. It is one thing to not rat out a friend for cheating (but still not good), but actively facilitating an affair is messed up."
"I wouldn't be surprised if this trip is actually a couples vacation for both women and their boyfriends."
"Or if your wife and her friend are hooking up" - professorfunkenpunk
Many also urged OP to tell the friend's husband what was going on.
"Yup, 💯."
"Also tell the husband. Now."
"Cheaters suck, and people abet them are just as bad." - cthulularoo
"Bro, listen here!"
"F**king expose her friend now, send that husband an anonymous text, letter, email, whatever, just get it done."
"Secondly, watch your wife closely. She can't be trusted either."
"Years ago, my wife wasn't helping a friend cheat, but her/our friend was confiding in her."
"When my wife told me, she made me swear not to say anything to our friend's husband."
"At the time, I reluctantly didn't tell him because we were newly married ourselves, and well, I was still whipped."
"Fast forward a few years, and I catch my wife trying to cheat on me."
"She defended her friend's behavior back then because truthfully, she herself was not only ok with it but capable and willing to do the same."
"That was over 12 years ago, and to this day, I still feel guilty for never telling my friend what his wife was up to."
"Sorry to say but your wife can no longer be trusted with absolute certainty, take my advice or not."
"Been there and learned the hard way." - norcalfit
"NTA"
"Question.. while your wife's friend is f**king her side piece... what - or who - is your wife doing??"
"Tell the guy.. and don't warn your wife that you're doing it.."
"If I had a spouse with the morals yours seem to have, I would be VERY concerned about the true state of MY relationship..." - clearheaded01
"NTA. Definitely tell the husband."
"Sorry to say it, but you married a loser." - Icy_Bath_1170
According to his fellow Redditors, OP has every right to feel the way he does.
Perhaps he should take some of their advice and have a tough conversation with his wife so she knows where he stands on the matter.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.