Most of the time, the best thing about a present is not knowing what’s underneath the wrapping.
That being said, when an occasion for presents arises, such as birthdays, holidays, or weddings, many people tend to want one specific thing, and are not afraid to lay hints, or flat out tell, their nearest and dearest.
With this in mind, we can’t really blame people if they’re disappointed when they don’t receive said present on their special day.
The wife of a recent Redditor made it clear what she wanted for her birthday.
Unfortunately, it was a gift that the original poster (OP) wasn’t terribly comfortable following through with.
As such, they didn’t end up getting their wife what she wanted, much to her very noticeable disappointment.
Having some doubts about how they handled things, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not booking a getaway for my wife’s birthday because she showed no enthusiasm?”
The OP explained why they found themself at odds with their wife over her birthday:
“My wife’s birthday is in a couple of weeks, and she said she wants to spend some time in a hotel or somewhere away from the house.”
“She also wanted to do something with her twin sister. I was thinking of going abroad (we’re in the UK for context), but she didn’t want to travel.”
“We have children, which we won’t/can’t part with when on holiday, and her sister has children too.”
“Part of the problem is when it comes to me suggesting a holiday, a place to go etc. she shows no enthusiasm or engagement at all.”
“A couple of nights in a hotel is going to cost at least £500, so I want to make sure she’s on board, etc.”
“I arranged a call with her sister, and she didn’t even bother to get involved, just walked off.”
“I try to talk to her about suggestions, and I get the typical short answers, ‘whatever you want,’ etc.”
“Now, I appreciate she would want me to put together something and sort it all out myself, but when we’re spending so much money next to Christmas, it would be good to have some kind of discussion about it or her at least show some kind of excitement.”
“I just don’t want to book somewhere, and she spends most of the time staying in the hotel or complaining that she doesn’t feel safe (which has happened the last two times I’ve arranged a family holiday).”
“I’ve ended up not booking anything (her sister pulled out because of the cost) and told her we’ll just do a dinner or something.”
“Now she’s upset.”
“AITA? Should I have just booked something or right to be skeptical after she showed no enthusiasm?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little support from the Reddit community, who almost unanimously agreed that the OP was, indeed, the a**hole for not booking their wife a getaway for their birthday.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP missed that what his wife wanted more than checking into a hotel was a gesture from the OP that she didn’t need to plan herself, finding the OP’s logic and actions selfish and obstinate:
“So it didn’t occur to you to book a spa package for her with a room with two double beds and send her and her sister off while YOU look after all the kids.”
“AKA give her a real weekend vacation?”
“YTA.”- K_A_irony
“YTA.”
“You didn’t listen to what your wife wanted: an evening in a hotel without her children, with her sister, in a place where she feels comfortable and safe.”
“A hotel in the next county would have been sufficient for her, I’m sure.”
“Instead you jumped to ‘abroad’ which isn’t what she wants, and even then bailed on the idea because she didn’t show the right enthusiasm for it.”
“Get her and her sister a weekend at a nice hotel, maybe a spa day.”
“Have a lovely dinner, though.”- mother_cryptid
“What she wants for her birthday:”
“Spend some time in a hotel away from the house.”
“Spend some time with you and her sister.”
“Not travel.”
“What you have suggested: travel abroad.”
“When she doesn’t want to travel, and her sister can’t afford it.”
“She doesn’t show enthusiasm?”
“You’re doing nothing.”
“Yes, you should have booked something that she asked for.”
“Get a nice hotel for a night or two, someplace nearby.”
“Have a nice evening, dinner, and get a babysitter.”
“Spend the day with the kids and her sister doing something fun together the next day.”
“You don’t think a hotel is a worthwhile expense unless you’re doing a big trip.”
“She doesn’t want a big trip.”
“She does want to get away from the house.”
“It’s not your birthday, it’s hers.”
“YTA.”- SummitJunkie7
“YTA.”
“You want to get her a gift, but you want her to pick it out and plan it herself?”
“Your wife wants a break from the mental load.”
“The way you are handling this puts the burden back on her.”
“And instead of trying, you just give up and go with ‘dinner out’.”
“If she doesn’t want to leave the hotel, find a resort that has everything on site: restaurant, spa, pool, etc.”
“This isn’t hard.”- rialtolido
“‘Hey honey, I noticed that you don’t seem very excited for the vacation. Is something wrong?'”
“YTA.”
“Communicate with your wife lol.”- insert_skill_here
“So, as a Mum I don’t want ‘me time’.”
“What I want is ‘Not always asking mum even though dad is right there’ time.”
“She probably would love a weekend away where she heads off on the Friday afternoon, has a delicious dinner, a late sleep in, breakfast all to herself, a wonder around a quaint town/village, maybe a spa treatment or two, followed by a few cocktails and another amazing dinner, sleep in a bed all to herself and then heads home on Sunday afternoon to a clean house, no piles of laundry, a full fridge and dinner cooking quietly in the oven.”
“But you aren’t just doing it, you are expecting her to plan it and I bet she’d have to map out the weekend for you as well if your kids have weekend activities, and then she’ll come home to a messy house, no dinner and you’ll probably disappear off to the toilet for an hour cos you’re exhausted after babysitting the kids all weekend.”
“So what kind of a break would it really be?”
“YTA.”- KoalaCapp
“YTA.”
“I’m guessing that a big part of what your wife wanted was to not have to deal with the logistics.”
“She told you what she wanted, and it was up to you to figure the rest out.”
“But you didn’t even half-a** this, you completely failed.”
“It doesn’t matter if you stayed in the hotel.”
“That’s what she asked for.”
“But it’s not your preferred vacation, so you did nothing.”
“You suck.”- No_Beyond_1995
“You want to go abroad, but she’s specified not abroad.”
“Why not book a weekend break in one of our beautiful spa towns, Harrogate and the like.”
“Book a table at Betty’s Tea Rooms or something similar.”
“Or if she prefers something like a zoo, Chester is nice.”
“Does she prefer the countryside?”
“Because there are endless amounts of beautiful little villages with bnbs or self-catering places.”
“YTA for not paying attention, you must know something your wife likes, if not, no wonder she’s upset.”- HollyGoLately
“OK, let’s figure it out then.”
“She wants a city break but somewhere safe, so more cutesy than metropolitan.”
“North that’s York (or a Lake District town).”
“Middle that’s Cambridge.”
“South that’s Canterbury, Bath or Oxford. South Coast, this time of year that’s, I donno, Corfe.”
“Smallest option but everywhere else will just be a rainy beach.”
“Pick one near you and find a cute, old style hotel.”
“Bam. Done.”
“She wants you to take some initiative for goodness sake.”
“YTA.”- Mmm_hummus
“YTA.”
“Book her a night in a hotel in town with a spa and let her order unlimited room service.”
“No kids.”
“Just her, and her sister if she wants.”
“It’s not that complicated.”- noodle_bear2124
“YTA.”
“Sir.”
“Can you not even remotely see that you tried to give her something she literally did not want?”
“No duh she wasn’t ‘appropriately enthusiastic’ about it.”- AniCatGirl
“YTA.”
“It’s not hard to book a weekend vacation somewhere.”
“You’re blaming her for your lack of enthusiasm.”- mooncrane606
It would be one thing if the OP were pestering their wife to make sure that she was getting exactly what she wanted for her birthday.
Instead, they seem to be trying to persuade her away from the very thing she wants the most.
Perhaps if the OP receives a half-hearted birthday present from their wife, they might finally understand her disappointment, and put in a little more effort next time.