We’re all human here and we all make mistakes, sometimes some pretty big ones.
Also, some family genes run very strong, leading some family members to bear striking resemblances to one another.
While both of these statements are true, most people will not make such an insufferable mistake to assume that a man fathered his nephew just because they resemble each other, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit
Redditor PotentialTwos was taken aback, disgusted, and furious all at the same time when his wife demanded that he take a paternity test to prove that he was not the father of his sister’s son.
But when she refused to let go of the fact that he and his nephew looked alike, the Original Poster (OP) lashed out at his wife for making such a weird claim.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for snapping at my wife and calling her crazy because she wants me to take a paternity test for my nephew?”
The OP was very close to his sister and preteen nephew.
“My wife and I have been married for 10 years and together for 14. We are child-free.”
“I also have a nephew who’s currently 13, and I’m not going to lie, he looks a lot like me and has a lot of the same facial features as me.”
“I am really proud of him, and we have a close bond. I have played a father-like role in his life since he was a kid. He has a deadbeat father, and my sister divorced him long ago.”
The OP became alarmed by how insecure his resemblance to his nephew made his wife.
“A couple of my family members have commented on how my nephew looks a lot like me, and while I initially thought it was wholesome, my wife, for some reason, became very insecure and started getting doubts.”
“She was questioning why I needed to play such a prominent role in my nephew’s life, why my nephew had autism, etc.”
“The insinuations just became weird and made me uncomfortable.”
“I do agree that my sister has played some part in my wife’s insecurities because of her dry humor.”
“During family gatherings, my sister jokes a lot about how wholesome it is that her son looks like me and that she couldn’t be happier. It’s obviously a joke, but I spoke to my sister and asked if she could tone it down a bit because it was making my wife a bit crazy.”
But then the OP’s wife took her worries too far.
“However, last night, my wife asked if I could take a paternity test just for her peace of mind.”
“That’s when I finally snapped, called her crazy, and told her that marrying her was the biggest mistake of my life.”
“I immediately regretted saying it because I meant none of it. My wife is the love of my life.”
“But my wife got quiet and started crying shortly after, and I had to console her.”
“Was I the AH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were disgusted and suggested the wife take at least one biology class.
“Your wife’s new homework is to learn and master Punnett Squares.” – Beginning-Square-4607
“My sister and I look a lot like our cousins, as in my father’s older brother’s kids. It’s to the point that people in the past said the four of us look like sisters. We have also been told we look a lot like our fathers.”
“If some family member or anyone had suggested something like this, we all would have laughed super hard. Especially given that when all the cousins were conceived, my father and his brother lived more than 1000 miles away from each other. There clearly must have been a teleporter involved (sarcastic comment).” – Sleipnir82
“My daughter looks more like my sister than me, and my sister and I look nothing alike. She looks more like my mom’s side of the family, and the rest of us look more like my dad. Genetics is a strange thing.” – JaimeLW1963
“There’s this semi-well-known family in my town, and I swear to god, ALL the girls in this family have the same face. Like, I can walk by them on the street and instantly know, ‘Oh, that’s a Smith girl.’ It’s kinda creepy, to be honest.”
“I went to school with two of the girls and worked with one of the second cousins of my classmates, and yeah, they still look alike even though they’re kinda distantly related, lol (laughing out loud).” – ladynutbar
“She needs to study Punnett Squares AND go to therapy.”
“It’s disturbing how many people are completely uneducated when it comes to the human body as well as genetics. There is a frightening number of men and women who do not understand what a period is or how it works, let alone that traits such as eye color and facial features will occur in siblings and their kids due to genetics.”
“Get the woman a solid education AND then address everything in therapy.” – DitzyKat105
Others agreed but also pointed out that this would be a relationship-breaker for them.
“Sorry, but if someone accused me of sleeping with my sibling, I’m gonna say some kinda something to them. It won’t be pretty. She doesn’t get to cry and act like she did nothing wrong.”
“NTA, and love-of-your-life or not, your wife thinks you slept with your sister. How do you come back from that?” – BeachinLife1
“An accusation of ‘ordinary’ cheating is bad enough for a marriage and can definitely justify some not-so-nice words. Throw incest into the mix, and yeah…”
“OP’s wife is definitely in the wrong here. She needs to pull her head out of her a** and apologize. Then she should probably seek therapy.” – HoldFastO2
“Your wife needs therapy and an education, and she’s also totally deserving of a strongly-worded divorce. How dumb do you have to be to not understand that a nephew looking like an uncle makes perfect sense without the need for incest?” – JarbaloJardine
“My eldest looks like my aunt. While I have jokingly said she used me as a surrogate, no one believes it. That would be about as crazy as thinking you had an incestuous relationship with your sister.”
“Your sister has the same genetic pool to draw from as you did. There is no big surprise about family resemblances.”
“NTA, but I’m not sure I could stay married to someone that distrusts me that much. To accuse you of an incestuous affair with your sister, while you were dating her… does she even like you?” – Suitable-Tear-6179
“Let’s pretend she goes to therapy and apologizes, and let’s pretend OP decides to personally forgive her.”
“How does OP ever trust her around sister or nephew again? How does he ever trust that she won’t burst out with insane accusations and anger his sister or traumatize his nephew?”
“Personally, I’d be calling the divorce lawyer because even if I thought she could make it up to me, I don’t think she could make it up to my family, and I wouldn’t ever be able to trust her again.” – themcp
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in a second post.
“Hey everyone, here is quick update. The gist of it is that I’ve agreed to take the test but under certain conditions.”
“I understand my wife is being paranoid and delusional, but I want to take the test just to ease whatever irrational fears she has. Sometimes these fears have no logic, and I too have had some irrational fears before, and there was no logic in them.”
“I spoke to my sister about it today, and she was obviously pretty angry at my wife. However, my sister and I discussed it at length, and she agreed to the test under certain conditions.”
The OP had three conditions for taking the test that his wife had to accept beforehand.
“I spoke to my wife after and told her I would take the test under some conditions. My wife was very happy that I had agreed to take the test, and I then told her the conditions.”
“The first condition was that she had to stop these insinuations immediately. My wife immediately agreed to it.”
“The second condition was that there would be no more arguments about me spending time with my sister and nephew. My wife and I have had some arguments over the years where she asks why I spend so much time at their house. My wife agreed to the condition, although she took some time to think about it.”
“The third and final condition was that I had the liberty to go on vacations with my sister and my nephew, without my wife being there. I told my wife upfront that my sister doesn’t want her to come on these vacations anymore because of her accusations. My wife was a bit more hesitant about this, but she ultimately agreed to it.”
“That’s probably my final update. Thanks everyone for the advice.”
Fellow Redditors were surprised that the main condition wasn’t a stack of divorce papers.
“Honestly, if I agreed to take the paternity test, the results would come with divorce papers.” – Jay7488
“For me, divorce papers would have to be a condition, and I wouldn’t tell her the divorce papers are coming, either. I’d just be like, ‘Congrats! I’m NOT the father, and you’re NOT my wife!'” – Afraid-Information88
“Fine, I’ll take the test, but the condition is that you sign these papers uncontested.”
“I give the wife six months until the next vacation that she cannot attend before throwing a fit. It would be better to cut your losses now when she’s agreeable and somewhat apologetic.” – jxher113
“This is beyond jealousy or suspicion. It’s disgusting and I do NOT see how you come back from it. Your SPOUSE accused you of INCEST with your sister. That accusation will forever be an aspect of your relationship.”
“I mean, what could she even say when the results come back negative (assuming she believes them)? ‘Whew, glad that’s behind us. Want to go apple picking this weekend?’ This cloud will never lift. I’m really sorry.” – Fancy_Average5440
“Lol (laughing out loud), dude, it’s not gonna matter what the test says. Your wife has an irrational delusion in her head and will go through whatever mental gymnastics she needs to justify it.”
“The test is not going to help. If anything, it’s going to get worse, especially based on the conditions you set. She’ll just assume the test was inaccurate or that you’re still doing stuff with your sister even if the kid isn’t evidence of it (shudder).”
“Save the money for the DNA test and just spend it on the lawyers. Your wife thinks you are incestual, and on top of that, you don’t practice safe incest. I don’t know how you move past that.” – Agoraphobe981
The subReddit was disturbed by the mental gymnastics the OP’s wife had gone through to reach this conclusion, when it’s perfectly normal for nieces and nephews to look like their aunts and uncles because of gene pool they share.
Even though it was obvious to the subReddit that the paternity test was going to come back negative and that there was nothing nefarious going on, they couldn’t see how the wife could ever apologize enough to make this right with her husband, let alone her husband’s family.