Exhaustion can often hit us at the most unexpected of times and places.
Many people have stories of times they fell asleep on a train or a bus, and ended up missing their stop.
Others similarly thought they could shut their eyes for a few minutes on the sofa, only to wake up two hours later, just in time to realize they’re now late for something.
In almost all these cases, people usually wish they stayed asleep, and didn’t have to wake up to the unpleasantness that greeted them upon waking up.
Redditor ice-0-lator, a parent of a new baby, found themselves in a fairly constant state of exhaustion.
In one particularly inopportune instance, the original poster (OP) missed several calls and alerts from their wife.
Putting their wife in a somewhat unlucky situation, not to mention somewhat at odds with the OP.
Feeling they weren’t one hundred percent at fault for what happened, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for falling asleep and my wife not being able to enter our house?”
The OP explained how their taking an early night resulted in their wife needing to find alternate accommodations:
“My wife works shifts till late at night.”
“Usually she comes home between 11:30 pm and 12:00 pm.”
“She didn’t bring a house key with her, which I already expected.”
“I send her chat message about it to make sure, but before she even answered I already fell asleep together with our 1 year old.”
“This particular day I was extremely exhausted.”
“I had only slept 6 hours per night or less for the 3 nights before.”
“Apparently, she came home but I didn’t wake up from the door bell (isn’t very loud anyway) and my phone was on silent mode.”
“Though, she couldn’t enter via the front door, the back door was unlocked.”
“So if she wanted she could have climbed the fence and enter the house via our backyard.”
“But instead she went back to her work (hotel) to sleep there and blames me severely.”
“So my question is: AITA based on this situation?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, most had trouble sympathizing with the OP.
Some had trouble sympathizing with either the OP or their wife, feeling that as the OP knew their wife would be home late, they should have either left the door open or left a key on the porch, but also finding that the OP’s wife should have brought a key with her:
“ESH.”
“She needs to start carrying her house keys, wtf?”
“There are many situations in life that may come up, she needs to break this ridiculous habit.”
“You for being so dead to the world and with a phone on silent when you’re responsible for a baby and you knew your wife was relying on you too.”
“Both of you needs to get it together.”- ElectricityBiscuit86
“Two words: lock box.”
“ESH: your phone shouldn’t be on silent and she needs to bring her keys.”- Additional_Day949
“ESH.”
“Wife: I don’t get home til midnight but expect hubby to stay awake for me so I don’t have to carry around a tiny object.”
“OP: I figured my wife didn’t have her key so I locked the door, turned off my phone, and went to sleep.”- RealTalkFastWalk
“ESH.”
“She needs to have a key.”
“She’s an adult.”
“You need to not put your phone on silent until your wife is home.”
“You’re married and a father.”
“What if something happens?”
“And can you get a lock with a keypad on it so this doesn’t happen again?”- GenoFlower
“ESH.”
“You knew enough that this could be a concern that you texted her.”
“Maybe go unlock that door?”
“Your back door was unlocked so you have no issue with unlocked doors.”
“This is also why we have hidden keys.”
“Our neighbor even keeps a combo look box.”
“You both messed up.”- motaboat
“ESH.”
“Full stop.”
“You KNEW she didn’t have a key and turned your phone to silent expecting her to climb a fence.”
“She I’m not having a house key.”- RebootDataChips
“ESH.”
“Per your comments, she rarely takes a key; that’s foolish.”
“You both should have come up with a solution before this.”- CythraulGoch
“ESH.”
“Yes, she should be carrying her keys on her.”
“But you knew she didn’t have them and you didn’t leave the door unlocked and didn’t leave your phone ringer on so you could be woken up when she gets home to let her inside.”
“Idk any adult who would jump a fence, and the fact that you left the back door unlocked but not the front door is ridiculous.”- rmg418
Others, however, felt the OP was the one solely at fault, pointing out how their wife was likely sleep deprived as well, and the OP should have taken that into account and figured out a solution for her constantly forgetting her key:
“You knew she didn’t have a key, sent her a text to confirm that, then put your phone on silent and locked the door?”
“YTA.”
“From her perspective, that probably looks less like a mistake and more like a punishment.”
“Moving forward, get an electronic lock or lock box rather than relying on physical keys.”-HodorTargaryen
“Climb the fence at midnight?”
“Yeah no.”
“Adults should have their keys, but humans make mistakes.”
“You knew she didn’t have her house key, you locked her out anyway, and you left her with no way to reach you by silencing your phone.”
“So basically, your sleep was more important than your wife getting home safely.”
“And as far as sleep.”
“6 hours a night for three nights in a row?”
“Welcome to parenting a one year old.”
“Suck it up.”
“YTA.”
“If you have an iPhone, you can make her an exception to a Do Not Disturb, so that if she calls or texts you will get the alert, but that’s the only alert you get.”
“Nothing else will sound.”
“Try that.”- Independent_Prior612
There were a few, however, who felt that the OP’s wife constantly forgetting her key was a habit she needed to break, and hopefully being locked out of the house will be the starting point to changing that:
“NTA.”
“Her own habit, which she must be conscious of, is the sole thing that creates the problem, and it shouldn’t be on OP to go without sleep or think of and set up alternative solutions for an issue that is as simple as choosing to take your key with you.”
“In a case like this, if anyone should suffer consequences, it should be the one who is creating a problem out of nothing for no good reason.”
“Surely she must have know you hadn’t gotten much sleep lately, so it’s ridiculous for her to expect you to go without sleep just to let her in when carrying a key is the extremely obvious and easy solution.”- kurokomainu
“The normal solution here is for her to have a house key with her.”
“It’s really odd that she doesn’t.”
“Good alternatives: Install a keyless lock (if you own the house).”
“Have a lockbox with a key (if you don’t).”
“Leave the door unlocked until she gets home.”
“I’ve also known families where a ‘hidden’ key was used routinely, but at that point you’re better off just leaving it unlocked.”
“Hard to pass judgment until we know why she doesn’t carry a key, and what conversations you’ve had about it before.”
“Like, if you think it’s normal for her to rely on you letting her in instead of carrying a key, that leans toward YTA.”
“But if you’ve told her she needs to be responsible for letting herself in, like a normal adult, NTA.”-NapalmAxolotl
While others didn’t think either the OP or their wife was an a**hole in this situation, feeling that both of them fell into situations that could have happened to anyone:
“My daughter always lost her house key.”
“Finally got fed up and got a lock with a code/key entry.”
“Best decision ever.”
“My brother got one too after someone found the key they leave for people watching their place when his wife and him are on holidays.”
“No more issues.”
“I’m gonna say NAH, it’s happened to many people, falling asleep at a bad time.”
“But either the lock change or make it easier for her to get in, just in case it happens again.”-sneekerpixie
It’s understandable that the OP gets constantly frustrated by their wife constantly forgetting her key, especially if she’s always coming home at a later hour.
However, seeing as this is an ongoing problem, perhaps alternative solutions to an old-school lock and key are necessary.
Especially while the baby is still so tiny, depriving both of them of sleep.