There’s no denying that planning a wedding comes with numerous challenges.
While a wedding should primarily be everything the happy couple wants, a fair amount of thought needs to go into accommodating their guests.
As wedding guests are the nearest and dearest that the happy couple wants to spend their special day with, they will have to take into account that some guests will need certain concessions.
Even if taking everyone’s needs into account may prove prohibitive.
The future sister-in-law (SIL) of Redditor SuccessfulPeanut6132 had a medical condition that required specific medical help.
Unfortunately, this specific medical help had a direct impact on the health of the original poster’s sister.
As a result, the OP and her fiancée felt that the OP’s SIL would need to find an alternative method at the wedding.
A decision that did not sit well with the OP’s SIL at all.
Wondering if she was being out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to have my SIL service dog at my wedding?”
The OP explained why the health of her SIL and sister posed a serious problem for her upcoming wedding:
“I’m getting married in 5 months with my fiancé.”
“And we sent our invitations last week.”
“Context; my SIL (my husband’s brother’s wife) as a medical dog since she had brain cancer around 5 years ago.”
“She has seizures where she feels dizzy 20 seconds beforehand and the goes unconscious for couple minutes.”
“This happens 3-4 times a week.”
“She has a dog who senses the seizure 1-2 minutes beforehand and it gives her the time to lay down in a safe place and warn people that a seizure is coming.”
“The dog (Labrador) is an angel, but SIL, not so much.”
“She is not a good person.”
“She claims wrong facts about my fiancé and I’s respective fields (med and biology/environnment), and screams at us when we politely call her out.”
“We don’t like her, but we are civil because my BIL loves her.”
“My own sister on the other hand is my favorite person on earth.”
“She is my maid of honor (MOH).”
“She is very allergic to dogs.”
“If she’s in the same room, her eyes get red and very itchy, she sneezes constantly and she has a little asthma attack.”
“Anti-histaminic don’t work on her.”
“She isn’t an entitled person, prefer to ‘sacrifice’ herself than to penalize the person with the service dog.”
“But if in the same closed room with a dog for 5 hours, she will obviously have a strong asthma attack.”
“Me and my fiancé want my MOH to be comfortable in our wedding.”
“And it’s shallow, but I want her to feel pretty in the pictures and not to have swollen red eyes.”
“And we want our SIL to be safe, but we thought that with her husband always around her, she will have someone to lean on.”
“We even proposed to bring a +1 to be there for her at all instants.”
“And the venue is a 50 persons room so it’s not possible to have them separated enough and no backyard wedding in winter.”
“We wanted to announce those proposition face to face, but SIL cancelled our lunch together last minute and the invites needed to be sent, so we wrote her on messenger all our points and propositions.”
“And we thought it was a good idea because it gave her the time to think and not feel pressured to answer our invites at the immediate moment (compared to a phone call or face to face).”
“She called me and screamed that I was ableist and an A** for suggesting to remove her from her medical help, and that I want her to create a scene at our wedding and get a concussion from falling.”
“BIL just said ‘what she says goes’ and we don’t know what he thinks.”
“MIL is furious and start to say she won’t come to the wedding if SIL can’t bring her dog.”
“I know I’m biased because I obviously prefer my sister, and because I myself have (food) allergies and believe allergies should be accommodated in my wedding.”
“The time is in the winter because MIL, BIL and SIL and others cousins travel in the USA for 3 months.”
“So the time is only because we wanted my fiancé’s family to be present.”
“The place was chosen because it is wheelchair accessible and we have 2 persons that needs wheelchair (my grandma, my fiancé’s aunt).”
“So sadly, no it was not possible to have big spaces / outside.”
“The place we chose was our only option in our city (and even there we went over budget).”
“And the place needs to be in our city and this year if i wanted my grandma to be present because of her medical treatments.”
“What should I do?”
“Is it an a**hole move of me to suggest that?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow her SIL to bring her service dog to her wedding.
Some felt the OP was somewhat between a rock and a hard place, owing to the complete incompatibility of her sister and SIL’s in-laws condition:
“NAH.”
“In disability justice, we talk about how some accessibility needs are incompatible with others.”
“Some people are in wheelchairs and can’t use the stairs.”
“Some cane users find slopes are dangerous and can’t use ramps.”
“Some people are autistic and can’t be around loud sounds.”
“Some people are hard of hearing and need sounds to be loud in order to hear them.”
“And yeah, some people have debilitating dog allergies and other people have service dogs.”
“There are some cases where you just can’t compromise and you have to make choices knowing that someone is going to get the raw end.”
“You physically cannot have both your sister and SIL in the same place.”
“This isn’t something you decided.”
“Nature and genetics and the nature of time and space have created this situation.”
“You have to side with somebody.”
“You just have to.”
“Both is not an option here.”
“And you’ve decided to side with the person who has been nice and supportive to you instead of the one who belittles you.”
“That’s incredibly understandable!”
“You just didn’t frame it in a way they would listen to, because someone who would belittle you for your job is going to belittle you for every other decision you make, so they’re deflecting it onto you being a jerk.”
“But also, where is your future spouse in all of this?”
“Who do they want at the wedding when they face the fact that ‘both’ is not an option?”-salaciouspeach
“NAH.”
“SIL is unpleasant.”
“SIL needs to have her medical equipment with her.”
“Her medical equipment happens to be a dog.”
“MOH is pleasant.”
“MOH has uncontrollable allergy to above medical equipment.”
“This could trigger a life threatening asthma attack.”
“Like a few others here I’m wondering how MOH manages in public normally if her allergy is this severe and unresponsive to antihistamine treatment.”
“Service animals certainly aren’t uncommon and pet ownership is very common so she would be exposed to allergens anytime she left home.”
“I understand your concern about photos but remember photos can be retouched later.”
“You would have been best to set up a video call with you, fiancée, SIL, and MOH to settle this before invites even went out.”
“MOH would have been the best person to ask ahead of time how to manage her allergy and then present possible options to the whole group.”
“Then after this send invites.”
“As that window has already passed you by now you are stuck. You can deal with potential allergy/asthma attack or uninvite SIL and MIL if finance agrees. Either one is sure to damage a relationship. Make sure you and finance have sat down and discussed which relationship is a higher priority to maintain and act accordingly
Most, however firmly took the side of the OP, as since the OP’s sister was not only the MOH, but also always treated the OP with kindness, which the OP’s SIL did not, and as such did not deserve to be accommodated:
“NTA.”
“These are two real medical needs.”
“You cannot separate SIL from the dog, a true support animal, but SIL is not essential to the wedding.”
“Your MOH, who cannot be around dogs, is.”
“You’re not ableist but SIL is if she cannot see your MOH also has medical issues and can’t be excluded from the wedding.”- ThatsItImOverThis
“NTA.”
“There is a 0% chance I’d invite my SIL over my own sister in this circumstance.”- indicatprincess
“NTA.”
“Clearly, it is impractical to have both people at the wedding.”
“It is your wedding and the MOH takes priority.”- Wise_Session_5370
“NTA.”
“You’re navigating two medical issues that cannot exist together.”
“An allergic reaction is potentially just as awful and dangerous as potentially losing consciousness.”
“The only difference is that the allergic reaction is guaranteed to occur.”- mortefina
“You don’t like your SIL.”
“You should just uninvite her for this reason.”
“That solves the dog problem.”
“Of course, your BIL might not come if you do, and your MIL might have a fit.”
“You and your fiancé will have to weigh whether that outcome is okay with you.”
“NTA.”- KyoshiThePowerful
The service dog of the OP’s SIL is necessary for her to get through each day.
However, dog allergies are common, a problem people with service dogs often encounter.
At the end of the day though, seeing as the OP’s sister has often let her allergy slide, and the OP’s SIL refused to even consider a compromise, it’s fairly clear who should be given priority consideration.