There is nothing wrong with asking people for help.
Though some may view it as a sign of weakness, it is in fact a sign of strength and character when you know you might be in over your head and can’t accomplish something all on your own.
Of course, asking for help should also be taken as a learning opportunity, so you might not need help in the future.
There is also a very fine line between asking someone to help you and asking someone to do your job for you.
Redditor am2394 was asked by her husband if she could help her husband with an upcoming job interview.
While the original poster (OP) certainly wanted him to do well in his interview, the nature of his question made it seem like she would be doing much more than simply “helping him out,” resulting in her declining his request.
Something her husband did not take kindly to at all.
Wondering if she was being unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA: Husband wants my help on an interview presentation… I said no.”
The OP explained why she said no to her husband’s request for help on an upcoming job interview.
“Yesterday, my husband told me he needed help creating a PowerPoint for a presentation he has to do for an interview.”
“I told him I don’t think I should help you with that.”
“He got furious with me and told me I should have just said yes. What can I help you with?”
“I had a feeling he wants me to design a whole template, although he might insist otherwise.”
“I asked ‘how much have you done,’ and he said not much.”
“I feel like he needs to be able to google presentation templates and put something together, not just rely on me to do it for him.”
“I told him I’d be happy to proofread once he has something to show me.”
“Now he’s been ignoring me all last night and all this morning, but I feel very strongly about this.”
“I would say the exact same thing to our (future) kids. You have to at least try before asking for help.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to help her husband with his PowerPoint presentation.
Everyone agreed that the OP was right to say no, as her husband clearly did seem to want her to do the bulk of the work, with many pointing out how if she did, it could have made him look bad at the office down the line if he got the job and didn’t live up to his potential.
“NTA.”
“Been there, but unfortunately didn’t do that.”
“My ex asked for my help with an excel file, I said ‘sure!’.”
‘I helped him, making a simplified version of what I would have done for myself, and he delivered it.”
“Months later he asked for my help again for the same kind of thing.”
‘I said I couldn’t, and he gave me the cold shoulder.”
“Turns out, he had sold his managers the idea that he was an excel expert and was expecting me to ‘pitch in’ whenever his job would require a new spreadsheet.”- OrcaMum23
“NTA.”
“I completely agree with your rationale.”
“It’s like he’s tried nothing, and he’s all out of ideas.”
“Welp!”
“Hope you don’t get blamed if he doesn’t get the job.”- NomNom83WasTaken
“NTA.”
“If he can’t put together a PP presentation, perhaps he needs a job where he won’t need one.”
“I’m with you: if he would have bothered to try before asking, then sure.”- The_Ghost_Dragon
“NTA.”
“It was okay for him to ask for help, it was okay for you to say no, but it wasn’t okay for him to get furious.”
“I see where you’re coming from – sometimes people ask for help before they’ve put any effort in and it feels like they’re just trying to avoid work.”
“I probably wouldn’t assume that without more evidence, but you didn’t say no outright, you just asked for him to begin the process and get invested before you stepped in.”
“You were willing to compromise and communicate, and he was not and shut down on you.”-Glittering-State-901
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t either, mostly because how am I supposed to know what he wants to present on for HIS interview?”
“If they’re asking for slides for a presentation, there’s a good chance this job will require it often, and he needs to get used to it.”- SnooChickens2457
“I feel like there is some missing info here.”
“Do you consider him lazy in general?”
“Does he ask for your help on all things and then expect you to shoulder the most work?”-Abcdezyx54321
“NTA.”
“Are you applying for the job or is he?”- No_Scientist7086
“This all depends on the definition of help when it comes to your relationship.”
“If you’re already assuming that being asked for help equates to being asked to do something that’s his responsibility, then your relationship is already in trouble.”
“Bad relationship: He asks for help, and you end up doing it for him.”
“Good relationship: He asks for help and you help him learn how to make his presentation.”-zerostar83
“I would gladly help out a spouse WHO WAS WILLING TO LEARN.”
“I am not an assistant and I cannot be available to cover aspects of someone else’s job they don’t know how to do.”
“But I’m happy to do some coaching and help somebody learn how to do a thing.”
“NTA.”- Zealousideal_Bag2493
“NTA it’s his responsibility.”- FinnFinnFinnegan
“NTA.”
“I’m a teacher.”
“My husband is not.”
“When I interview for teaching jobs I usually have to include a demo lesson.”
“I have asked my husband to write this exactly 0 times.”
“I might bounce ideas off him (should I do paragraph structure or idea generation or…) but I put it together.”
“His biggest contribution is to sit and listen while I practice going through it, so be sure there are no bugs.”
“Why?”
“Because the committee is assessing MY ability to create lessons, not his.”
“It’s so weird that your partner thinks this is in any way appropriate.”
“Tell him to do his own work.”- SimoneBeaudelaire
“NTA.”
“I think your offer to proofread is perfect.”
“If he can’t do the job they’re asking him to do, is he just planning on you doing his job forever?”
“Hell no.”- LadySmuag
“NTA.”
“Weaponized incompetence.”
“Let the ‘girl’ do it.”
“Not presenting a realistic representation of your skills to a potential employer.”
“Tantrum.”
“Checks all of the entitled dude starter kit boxes.”
“Good for you for not allowing it, although you did more for him than I would have.”
“As a former director, if I gave someone tasks like that for an interview, it’s because I wanted to see their skillset.”
“Op your entitled child husband is dishonest and lazy.”- MissyJ11
“NTA.”
“You going to do his job for him too?”- No-Locksmith-8590
“NTA, can’t he do his own presentation?”
“He’s not a 9yrs old.”- AceAmphiptere
“Sounds like he’s just freed up a whole lot of time he can use to learn how to put together a PowerPoint presentation.”
“You’re NTA.”
“But learn from this because your partner has just given you a lot of information about his work ethic, his willingness to learn, and his attitude toward your time and talent.”- lschmeiser
“My wife wanted help with report writing and excel for her masters, but she wAnted me to show her, not do it for her.”
“She picked up quickly and now critiques my reports and can handle most stuff in excel.”
“I see myself as an excel/ppt whiz, but if I need something my best friends are google and youtube.”
“These are common applications, with plenty if detailed guides out there for even the most advanced stuff.”
“If you are willing to learn, there is no end to the possibilities, and I can almost guarantee it has been done before and documented.”
“The key is ‘willing to learn’.”
“Ask him what he wants to do and send him some links to youtube/google.”- Bravefish1
The OP later returned to offer an update, sharing how she and her husband finally dealt with the matter.
“I still feel like I am NTA, but I apologized for not listening to what he needed help with before shutting him down.”
“That being said, he DID want me to make his PowerPoint and do data analysis for him.”
“After I said no, he made his own PowerPoint.”
“Now I’ve spent a couple of hours with him giving suggestions and proofreading.”
“He was capable all along. He just needed to be grumpy for a few hours to get it done.”
Had the OP’s husband asked her for help on something he had just finished, or at the very least just started, one can only imagine her initial reaction would have been to say yes.
It’s hard not to think that he wanted her to do everything from the ground up, however, which wouldn’t have benefitted either of them at the end of the day.
As should he get the job, he likely would have been depending on her for all his work, which would likely not have resulted in a lengthy stay at this company…