When one of our loved ones comes home with a new addition to their family, many of us will immediately want to go visit them to meet their youngest.
But sometimes more company is exactly the last thing that the new parents need, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Specific-Sleep-9276 was not on the same page as his wife about wanting to have company over or not, however.
Shortly after returning home with their baby, the Original Poster (OP) wanted to have friends over to play games in order to “have his needs met,” which left his wife feeling like hers and their baby’s needs were not.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my wife that I’m mad that she didn’t let me have my friends over?”
The OP’s visit with friends was recently cut short.
“Last Saturday, I went over to a friend’s house to hang out with the guys. My wife (who gave birth to our son six weeks ago) also had her friend over to our house. So I finished up at the gym, headed over there, and sat down to play some games.”
“After playing for about 30 minutes, my wife called me (her friend was gone by then) and asked if I could come home because a bump on her skin had gotten more painful and she didn’t want to be taking care of the baby alone while it was painful for her to stand and walk at this point (previously it only hurt while she was sitting).”
“Obviously, I was disappointed that I have to leave, but it is what it is. So I got up and told my friend who gave me a ride over that I needed him to give me a ride home.”
“Everyone was confused and upset that I was leaving, especially since now they were going to be short a person for their game.”
The OP came up with an alternate plan.
“On the ride home, I called my wife and suggested that I just bring my friends over to my house instead, that way I could help with the baby whenever she needed me to and I’d still get to hang out with my friends whenever I’m not needed by her.”
“She said that she didn’t want people over, and we hung up.”
“At this point, I was mad. After I got home, I laid down next to her.”
“15 minutes of silence. She obviously didn’t need me at the moment.”
“I finally asked myself out loud, ‘What am I gonna do for the rest of the day?'”
“She immediately started crying and saying, ‘Are you seriously mad right now?!’
This quickly turned into an argument.
“I told her yes. I wasn’t mad that she wanted me home, but I was mad that she wouldn’t let me have my friends over when in my mind, it makes no difference to her.”
“They’d be out in the living room the whole time, it’s not like she’s going to be leaving the bedroom anyways since it hurts for her to walk. She has no reason to in the first place when I’ll be in the house and will be available at her beck and call.”
“She said my priorities were all wrong.”
“I told her that she comes before my friends, but that I don’t see why I can’t be there for her when she needs help, and then also be able to go out into the living room to see my friends when she doesn’t.”
“That way we’re both happy, right? She gets all the help she needs and my Saturday plans that I’ve been looking forward to all week aren’t spoiled.”
“She said I didn’t get it, that she needed moral support and I wouldn’t be able to provide that if my friends were over.”
“I didn’t understand this, because I knew for a fact that if I came home and just hung out playing games in the living room (when not actively helping her) that she would be fine with that. She even admitted this was true.”
“After we argued, she took an ibuprofen and felt no pain at all until the next day.”
The OP wondered who was in the wrong.
“Please don’t leave negative comments about my wife being a baby or anything. I’m not here to make her look bad or to bash her, I love and care about her a lot.”
“I just need to know if I was being a jerk or not.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP’s line about making negative comments toward his wife was hilarious.
“YTA and so are your friends. Why on earth would they be confused that you were going home to your wife and newborn?”
“You have a NEWBORN and a wife who hasn’t physically healed from the birth yet. You should be at home taking care of the two of them.”
“Your job right now is to make life EASIER for your wife. Not harder.”
“It’s also hilariously optimistic of you to think people are going to say anything negative about your wife.” – OrangeCubit
“I’m glad I’m not the only one who found the last line funny. I read that and started laughing immediately.”
“OP, you are very much the a**hole here.” – Marple1102
“The cackle that exploded out of me when reading that last sentence…” – anxietykilledthe_cat
“I couldn’t even fathom why anyone would pick on the guy’s wife… YTA without question.” – LoudSheepherder7
Others agreed and thought the OP was being inconsiderate of his wife’s and baby’s needs.
“I don’t even have children and know YTA. In what world is it okay for you to bring a group of loud guys over with a healing wife and a newborn in the house?”
“Her one friend being there to look after her and help with the baby (which is your job, by the way), is NOTHING like your friends coming over! She’s not up to company after a major medical procedure!”
“It takes a MINIMUM of six weeks to recover from vaginal delivery and eight weeks to recover from a C-section. MINIMUM. Obviously, it’s going to take her longer: SHE HAS TROUBLE WALKING!” – MaleficentExtent1777
“A six-week-old newborn has no vaccinations and no immune system. A small gathering at the house is a great way to end up in the children’s hospital.” – MrsNLupio
“Another Redditor said, ‘Her one friend is there to look after her and help with the baby.’
“I want to add, she may be more comfortable with her friend seeing her with crazy hair, haven’t showered in a few days, shirt covered in spit up, bra probably non-existent if still trying to figure out the whole deal with breastfeeding (and a six-week-old needs for every couple hours), oldest and baggiest pants, both mom and baby in a diaper…”
“And probably not as comfortable with her husband’s friends seeing her like that.”
“Plus, her friend was likely there with at least the nominal goal of helping out or looking after the baby for a little bit. Husband’s friends would be there with the stated goal of (checks notes) playing a game? So wife would likely feel socially pressured to ‘host’ those friends more than with her own.” – BabyCowGT
“In what world are your friends, who are upset you have to leave to take care of your recovering wife, going to be super chill when you have to pause the game to take care of your newborn?”
“Your whole attitude and lack of self-awareness has me believe that you would tell her ‘in a minute’ like a teenager and then huff when you had to pause the game.”
“You are an adult that decided to have a kid.”
“You don’t get to act like a kid anymore.”
“The kid is now above you on your priority list. Your wife should be at the top as well as she is a human who you swore to love always and she is recovering from pushing a baby out of her body.”
“How on earth do you think gaming with your friends is a priority?”
“She wasn’t just being crabby for no reason. She is IN PAIN.”
“You have no empathy for your wife and no ability to stop for a second and think of anyone but yourself.”
“Lord help this woman. Another woman who had a baby with a baby.”
“Are you hot? How do men without an ounce of responsibility keep tricking women into being with them? YTA. Obviously.” – Quirky_Number4460
“But why should HIS plans be ‘spoiled’? Hah! I hate to break it to him, but his plans are spoiled for the foreseeable future. Babies/kids take over your life. They are a wonderful, challenging, beautiful, frustrating plan spoilers. It’s so hard and so worth it.”
“I was pregnant for d**n near 10 months. Baby didn’t want to come out and then wouldn’t come out after my water broke. I labored on Pitocin torture for three days, the baby was in danger, and I had an emergency c-section and then lost all the blood in my body.”
“Nine blood transfusions later, I survived but was beaten to h**l. Thank god my husband wasn’t like OP, wanting his friends to come over and play. Sorry OP, YTA big time!”
“Get your s**t together. You’re a dad now. Congratulations on the new baby though. Focus on THAT and helping your wife heal emotionally and physically.” – weezulusmaximus
While the OP had told the subReddit not to criticize his wife for her behavior, the subReddit saw nothing to criticize her for. Rather, they took issue with the OP’s priorities.
Wanting to spend time with his friends wasn’t wrong, but demanding that they be in their private space where his wife was healing was clearly crossing a line.