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Guy Upset After Wife Won’t Let Him Drink Heavily On Itinerary-Packed Trip Her Parents Paid For

man drinking on the beach
Burak Karademir/Getty Images

Vacations are for letting loose with no inhibitions, right?

Wrong! At least in Redditor WannaVacaitionDrink’s case.

The Original Poster (OP) is typically a light drinker… except on vacation.

He is going on a family vacation with his wife and in-laws and recently learned new parameters are being set on his alcohol consumption.

The OP’s wife recently told him she expects him not to go out the entire vacation since her parents paid for the trip.

This confounded the OP, driving him to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?’ (AITA).

He asked:

“AITA for wanting to get drunk on vacation?”

He went on to explain:

“My [30-year-old Male] wife [26-year-old Female] and I (no kids yet) are going on vacation with her side of the family (parents, 2 siblings and spouses and some nieces/nephews).”  

“I’m not a heavy drinker.  Maybe 2 beers a weekend and that’s not even every weekend.  But on vacation I like to let loose and have many  drinks. The next day when i’m hungover, i just relax.”  

“This vacation had a packed itinerary of activities and meals.  I asked which night we were going out.  Because based off the plans, there wasn’t really a day to just relax.”  

“She said that wasn’t happening on this trip.  I asked her if we had to do everything and she said yes because her parents are paying for everything.  All we had to do was pay for flights.”

“I told her I used my precious vacation days for this and I want to do some things ourselves.”

“She told me that this trip we won’t be doing that and I can skip a trip getting hammered.  But I don’t want to and this has led to some arguments between us in the lead up to next weeks trip?”

“Am I the a**hole here? “

“Edit: I assumed (turns out incorrectly) that my wife would vouch for a night out and day off from activities. We have historically done this on our vacations.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“I hate when a ‘gift’ comes with strings attached. I wouldn’t use my limited vacation time on a trip where I couldn’t let loose or do what I want.”

“This has nothing to do with drinking. It has to do with control and being treated like a child where you’re expected to have no say and to go along with whatever you’re told.”

“Have your wife go without you. I’d sit this one out.”

“NTA” – Katiew84

“Why go on a trip at all if your only plan is just ‘getting hammered’? You can do that right at home.”

“A vacation is an opportunity to see and experience a new place, not to just hang out in your hotel room getting wasted.”

“YTA.” – prairiemountainzen

“Really not a fan of wasting vacation time drinking and being hungover, but each to their own.”

“And you thought this was going to be a vacation you could enjoy as you normally do.”

“I’d pick a day where there’s something you’re not into and inform everyone you’re taking a pass on that days activities, you’d prefer a lazy day etc.”

“And let come what may.”

“NTA” – NatashOverWorld

“NTA. I’m totally with you on this one.”

“Everyone is different, but one major problem my wife has with visiting her family for a week or for planned vacations is that her parents fill every hour of the day with activities.”

“We are adults, and we would also like to have a vacation that doesn’t necessarily involve checking the boxes on someone else’s agenda. If you’re not on board with it, do your own thing for a day.”

“The real question seems to be whether or not your wife is on board with it. Her parents, so her relationship to them is very different than yours.”

“If you ask me, someone offering to pay my way for something I have no interest in doing is not really something that I’m interested in.”

“You have no obligation to take them up on every single one of the activities, and just because they are paying for the stay does not make you a prisoner to their schedule.”

“You are indeed paying for your flights, and you are using your vacation days.”

“This is your vacation as well.”

“You can say no, and so can your wife if she wishes.” – Inevitable_Ease_2304

“NTA. Just because her parents are paying for it doesn’t mean you have to go do everything they planned.”

“I hate ‘vacations’ that are packed with activities every hour of every day. That’s not a vacation, that’s more work.” – Extreme_Assistant_98

“hmm – maybe ESH?”

“I would totally understand asking for a day just to relax and hang out together without a schedule packed with family activities. There needs to be room for some downtime.”

“However, at some point in your life it’s no longer cool to get embarrassingly sh*tfaced and then spend an entire day basically recovering from alcohol poisoning.”

“It’s a little concerning that you are so disappointed you won’t be able to get that drunk.” – Used_Mark_7911

“NTA choose one day for yourself. Tell them ahead of time. If they paid, pay them back for whatever activity you are skipping. Your wife sounds controlling” – Dry-Cellist-8440

“NTA. If you want one night to let loose and get hammered and one day without a schedule full of activities, I don’t see the issue with that.”

“You are, in fact, using vacation days YOU earned to go, and even if it’s mostly paid for by your in-laws, other than flights, you’re still entitled to enjoy yourself for one day/night.”

“If there’s something expensive they prepaid for that you’re ducking out of, pay them your portion and do your own thing.”

“Otherwise, I would be inclined to let your wife go with her family and save your PTO for something you want to do with just your wife.”

“As a wife myself, I say she is being unreasonable and controlling.”

“Edit to add: Personally I prefer not getting hammered and hungover on vacation, or any time, really, but to enjoy the time in a place I don’t normally get to go.”

“But it’s not fair to judge someone for that, so if that’s what you want, and she seems to be well aware of this…”

“…I don’t think spending on night/day doing what you want is too much to ask for.” – SeveralImagination74

“NTA – the point of a vacation is to relax and do things you enjoy. If the trip doesn’t sound like fun, then don’t go. Or go, but make it clear that your itinerary isn’t going to be the same as your in-laws.”

“The Reddit Temperance Team will get fired up because you mentioned wanting to drink, but it doesn’t actually matter what it is you want to do.”

“Could be drinking, could be sky diving, could be playing YuGiOh cards. It’s still your time, regardless of who’s actually paying for the vacation.” – No_Introduction1721

“‘her parents are paying for everything.'”

“You sound immensely grateful for an essentially free vacation.”

“‘I told her I used my precious vacation days for this, and I want to do some things ourselves.'”

“No you don’t. You just want to get wasted. You’ve made that abundantly clear.”

“If you wanted to do an activity on your own, that would be entirely fine. You just need to speak up. But there’s more—far more—to life than getting drunk.”

“How often do you get to go on vacation? Probably not often. How frequently could you get smashed if you wanted to? Just about whenever.”

“Here’s where you border on AH in my mind: you pat yourself on the back for how like you drink.”

“Then, when given a nearly free (other than the flights) trip, you suddenly want to spend the time getting trashed.”

“HOWEVER, you are entitled to your views on what you find fun. You’ve expressed them. I cannot fault you for that. So, begrudgingly, NTA” – ironchef8000

“Maybe save getting hammered for the last night of the trip & dry out on the flight home?”

“NTA for wanting to but put some thought into the timing so you’re not wasting a day being hungover” – BleachedA**whole [edited]

“Straight up, my guy. No one likes a drunk. I like to drink as well, but I am not going subject my family to it.”

“This is a family trip it sounds like. Order a drink at mealtime or maybe at some point. If the whole point is to get wasted, then you don’t sound very fun to be around. I vote YTA” – DragonDanno

“I’m going with YTA for this”

“You say you want to ‘do some things ourselves’ in reference to getting hammered, and I assume relax/nurse the hangover the next day.”

“The ‘ourselves’ part gives me the impression you are expecting her to join you on this, which she has made it clear she has no intention of doing.”

“If you want to go out by yourself, that’s a bit better… but your wife and her family clearly were hoping for this to be a family vacation.”

“I’m generally all for adults being able to do what the want, but when you accept the gift of a mostly free vacation, it’s courteous to follow the one footing the bill.”

“You make it sound like getting drunk and relaxing happens every vacation with you and your wife. I do think you’ll be fine skipping out on it this time.”

“Especially if you want the in-laws to keep funding future vacations. Just make it much more clear in the future that you require a night out/followed by a day of relaxing.” – Forsaken_Avocado737

So, to each his own or follow the money?

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)