We all handle the pressure of our over-scheduled world a little differently.
Some of us plan everything out to the minute while others largely ignore the clock until they have no choice but to get in gear.
What happens though when these two people start dating?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Junior-Coyote-5116 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for leaving my girlfriend behind because she was taking too long to get ready?”
OP began with the background.
“I (female 24) have a girlfriend “Hannah” (f26). We were friends in college and reconnected and have been dating for around 7 months.”
“A few days ago, it was my cousin’s wedding and everyone was allowed a plus-one, including myself.”
“I asked Hannah in advance if she wanted to go with me and she agreed, she’s a huge social butterfly and loves big events.”
“The venue is around a 2 hour drive from my home so I made it clear to Hannah that we need to leave in plenty of time to not be late.”
“The ceremony started at 2pm, so I said we should aim to leave a little after 11am to allow for traffic and stop on the way if we need to.”
“Hannah is super into makeup and hair, and she was taking a very long time to get ready.”
“When 10:30am rolled around, I gently reminded Hannah that we need to leave soon in order to get there on time. She told me she was nearly done and not to worry.”
“10:50am rolls around and Hannah doesn’t look anywhere near ready. I tell her that we really need to leave soon and reminded her of what time it is.”
“Hannah told me to chill and that she’s nearly ready.”
“Once it reached 11am, Hannah still wasn’t ready. I told her that we need to leave ASAP.”
“Hannah told me to calm down and that she’s nearly ready, she wasn’t even dressed yet!!”
“I started getting panicky and told Hannah to please hurry up. Hannah got mad and said that she’s told me she’s nearly ready.”
“By the time it was 11:20am, Hannah STILL wasn’t ready.”
Everything was fine, until…
“I got really annoyed and told Hannah if she’s not ready in 10 minutes, I’m leaving without her. I don’t think she believed me: she just laughed and told me I’m being silly.”
“I ended up leaving without her because by 11:30 she was still in her pjs. I managed to get to the wedding on time and it was great.”
“After the ceremony, I noticed that Hannah had been blowing up my phone.”
“I called her back and she immediately started screaming at me and said that I’m obsessed with being ‘ridiculously early to things’ and said that I need to be more understanding and that if I waited 5 minutes she would’ve been ready.”
“She said I’m a selfish jerk and need to evaluate my priorities. I wasn’t able to get any word in before Hannah hung up the phone.”
OP was left to wonder if she’d been too hasty.
“Since then, Hannah has been ignoring me and I’m wondering if I was in the wrong.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some pointed out time saved is time earned.
“NTA.”
“She had a whole extra 30 minutes. There is no excuse for not getting out to the car.”
“I say this as someone who has issues with time management.”
“It’s not fair to make someone else late for something that’s important to them.”
“Put on the outfit at the 10:50 warning and take your makeup and hairbrush to the car. She’d have two hours in the car to primp.”
“I disagree with those who are questioning what time you actually got there, the implication being if you were 1/2 hour early, you could have waited to her longer.”
“You needed to make sure a traffic setback that hadn’t even happened yet wouldn’t make you late.”
“Everyone is supposed to be in their seats before the bride starts walking. You need to leave extra time for traffic, it’s a bonus if you don’t hit it.” ~ JazzyKnowsBest13
“‘I disagree with those who are questioning what time you actually got there, the implication being if you were 1/2 hour early, you could have waited to her longer.”‘
“Plus, the time to have the ‘you are ridiculously early to things and I don’t like that pressure / time wasted being there too early’ is well in advance of the important event.”
“Not 30 minutes (or 5 hours) after the time OP said she wanted to leave.” ~ AuntJ2583
There was also propriety to consider.
“It’s also a wedding. Isn’t etiquette to arrive around 30 mins before the ceremony starts?”
“The ceremony begun at 2, that’s not when you are meant to be arriving. Sounds like with the half hr delay she was there on time at 1.30pm any closer and she would be approaching late.”
“Edit: corrected gender of op” ~ chooklyn5
Commenters also had personal stories.
“I was late to a wedding once because as a broke college student I hitched a ride with a couple of friends.”
“The one driving his car showed up late despite me and a few others telling him when to leave and checking in often.”
“I was so pissed and he kept trying to explain to me that the wedding always starts later than stated on the invitation and every wedding he has ever been to starts 30 minutes after the invitation time.”
“We roll up to the wedding and of course the bride and groom are already up at the altar and everyone turns to look at us despite a vendor coming and sneaking us in a side entrance.”
“I was beyond pissed! I missed my favorite part of watching the bride come down the aisle.”
“Also humiliated because I wasn’t expecting them to already be at the altar. Had I known I wouldn’t have even entered until after the ceremony…” ~ filthy_kasual
“Yep.”
“My wedding was yesterday and I put ‘seating begins at 3:00 and the ceremony is at 3:30 pm sharp’ – and I posted my DOC on the steps to block any latecomers from ruining our entrances or getting into the videographers/photographers way.”
“Luckily for us, everyone turned up in a timely fashion and it all went off without a hitch, but man I spent a lot of nerves worrying about latecomers!” ~ ladyrockess
Some commenters had very strong opinions about tardiness.
“I’m so pissed when people say ‘you could’ve waited!”‘
“No, people don’t need to wait for you and be almost late.”
“If you have a set time, you leave by the set time.”
“You don’t play with someone else’s time, you do not disrespect it and say ‘by we made it on time for the ceremony'”.
“My husband is time blind.”
“I actually commented on this forum mentioning how he was late for our wedding.”
“And how he always late to every children’s appointment.”
“And how he’s yelling at the receptionists for not taking him in after arriving 30 minutes late.”
“Many people commented and suggested to leave him. And I was actually considering it because his lateness made me cry many times.”
“I have anxieties, sadly, out older son inherited it as well.”
“I have a time frame when I need to arrive to places, usually 10 minutes in advance.”
“I make a time frame, because, 1) it prevents anxiety or panic attacks when stucked in traffic all of a sudden.”
“2) It won’t make the whole class, or office, or a wedding party staring at me going in and to my seat.”
“3) it prevents excessive sweating because I get into a worrying mode.”
“4) it gives me sense of control.”
“5) it allows me to plan a few events (appointments) a one day to save time and money. My husband doesn’t care.”
“I tell him that appointments are 2 hours earlier, he knows that, so he’s an hour late to an actual appointment.”
“He always swears in the car, always moody, always blames the traffic and everyone else but himself.”
“We were warned that CPS will be involved if children were late to school again.”
“He was supposed to drop the kids at the bus stop 1 day a week (I did the other 4) last year, but he was always late and missed the bus, then had to drive them to school, but always thought that he had more time.”
“In our school 2 lateness are considered a day missed. Imagine how many ‘missed’ days our kids got because their father didn’t give a shit about time?!”
“It’s f**ing toxic! It makes my anxieties go wild, our older child is having panic attacks because of his daddy, but he still cannot be bothered.”
“He still needs his 30 minutes breakfast, 40 minutes on the toilet, checking GPS for 15 minutes when everyone is in the car already, but doesn’t want to get up earlier.”
“I want to hurt him so badly because of it. I’m getting my first car soon, so I will be leaving like OP if husband is not ready, let’s see how he likes it.”
“NTA, OP. I wish I had your shiny spine.” ~ MashaSP
Sometimes the concern is etiquette.
Sometimes you don’t want to miss how the movie starts.
In either case it’s important to listen to your partner and make sure everyone is on the same page as much as possible.