While dress codes for weddings tend to vary greatly, it’s safe to say there are two hard and fast rules when it comes to what female guests shouldn’t wear at weddings.
Don’t wear white, and don’t wear an extravagant dress that will take attention away from the bride.
Even though weddings are about uniting a couple, it’s still hard not to feel that the day ultimately belongs to the bride, and all eyes should be on her throughout the event.
Redditor CoachOk618 was invited to the first wedding outside of the culture and traditions she grew up with.
As a result, the original poster (OP) went to great lengths to make sure the dress she had in mind for the big night was appropriate.
After showing the dress to the bride and groom, the OP was given an emphatic yes to her chosen dress.
On the day of the wedding, however, the OP’s outfit was met with sneers and disapproval from the bride and her bridesmaids, all of whom accused her of upstaging the bride.
Wondering if this was, in fact, true, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ‘upstaging the bride’ with an outfit that was approved prior to the wedding?”
The OP explained how her approved wedding outfit ended up surprisingly backfiring on her:
“It was my first Western wedding, so I was careful about avoiding any culture gaffe.”
“I’m friends with the groom & asked him for the dress code.”
“It was dressing up to our nines in neutrals & pastels.”
“I have this lovely saree that fit the bill.”
“I sent him a picture and he said it’s perfect.”
“5 months before the wedding, I met the bride with many other of the groom’s friends at a bar.”
“I showed her pictures of the saree to ask if it was appropriate.”
“I also told her I’d be happy to buy a new outfit if it wasn’t.”
“So whatever she says will go.”
“She said it was delightful & she’d be glad to have some ‘culture’ added to her wedding pictures (lol ikr?)”
“The day arrived.”
“Friends stayed in the back for the ceremony, so there weren’t many eyes on me.”
“For the reception, the bride changed into a gown that could be best described as grayish white.”
“It was the same fabric as my outfit.”
“The majority & outer layer of her gown was still white.”
“Only the embroidery was the same color as my saree & the underneath fabric had a hint of the same grey as mine (thus making it grayish).”
“The groom, his mother, and our friends complimented me for how nice I looked.”
“The groom’s mother especially loved it as she kept coming up to me to compliment me more.”
“She’s half-Indian & was brought up in the country.”
“She too had worn a saree for the special day and seeing someone else in it seemed to be sentimental for her.”
“The bride and her bridesmaids, though, were a different ballgame.”
“The bride gave me the stink eye.”
“A bridesmaid tried to spill her drink on me.”
“Another commented if my outfit was going to turn out white in the pictures.”
“When we showed up to get group pictures done, I thoughtlessly ended up standing next to the couple.”
“The bride made moves so that I ended up at the very corner by the time the photographer started clicking.”
“As we stood in a group for the bouquet throwing thingy, the maid of honor asked if I’m going to try to catch it like I haven’t gotten enough attention for the day.”
“On our way back, I asked my friends if my behavior or outfit was inappropriate.”
“They didn’t think anything of it.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for her choice of dress at the wedding.
Everyone agreed that as the bride not only approved of the OP’s choice of dress but even showed excitement towards it, she and her bridesmaids had no right to behave in the petty manner in which they did.
“NTA.”
“I mean, that saree is like the most basic and un-outstanding a saree can get.”
“It almost looks like a widow’s saree.
It’s still very pretty, don’t get me wrong, but in no way ‘eye-catching’.”- Many_Preference_3874
“Huh?”
“How on earth is she even surprised?”
“She saw the pictures… she approved the dress beforehand… and now all of the sudden she’s upset with your outfit?”
“NTA.”
“You asked her and she approved the outfit.”
“She should have spoken up when you asked or even a couple days later would be okay too.”
“But not giving you the stink eye on the big day itself after having approved and known of the dress.”- 2tinymonkeys
“NTA.”
“But if the bride approved it, she doesn’t get to change her mind on the day of.”
“Of course, you were going to get attention on the day for wearing a saree and adding ‘culture,’ but she made a mistake.”
“Oh well.”
“I never understand brides who want everyone else to never get complimented for their outfits.”
“Sure, it’s their wedding day. Other people can’t look nice?”
“Dress code should be burlap sack then, I guess?”
“I’d probably recommend going for a saree nowhere near white for Western weddings going forward, though.”
“It’ll save an ‘accidental’ drink spill in the future.”- tsweetsie
“NTA.”
“You just met a school of mean girls.”
“There is no telling what such people will get up to.”
“I think you had taken every possible precaution with your outfit, in fact much more than most people would have.”- FragrantEconomist386
“NTA.”
“I think it was very considerate of you to get her approval before the wedding.”
“Apparently she should have shown it to her friends before rendering judgement.”
“That way she could have known much sooner that she DIDN’T like it.”
“Mean girls gonna mean girl.”- DuchessOfAquitaine
“If you hadn’t shown the bride a photo prior to the wedding, I’d vote differently, but you did show her.”
“You asked her opinion, and the opinions of several other people.”
“Maybe she thought it was a darker grey than it is?”
“But it’s pretty clear in the picture that it’s a light gray.”
“Sounds like you just came upon petty mean girls who peaked in high school and have never left that mentality behind.”
“NTA.”- Perfect_Calendar9847
“NTA.”
“It sounds like the bride was being really friendly and kind, but as soon as other peoples’ opinions came in, she second-guessed the choice she made about your outfit.”
“Her friends were being abominably rude and had no respect for your feelings.”
“Sounds like a bit of cultural peer pressure around color choice.”- AccomplishedNose9541
“NTA.”
“Sounds like the bride was a bit jealous of the positive attention you got from her MIL.”-WomanInQuestion
“NTA.”
“The bride approved the dress, you very happily suggested buying a new one – but she said it was ok.”- Odd-Salt8178
“NTA.”
“I am Indian (born and brought up) American and I approve your saree link.”
“It’s an amazing steal and brand.”
“Furthermore facts: Bridal reception gown is not remotely close to a saree.”
“In contrast Indian weddings allow for others to dress in their BEST. And I mean dripping in jewels and so forth.”
“So while it may look crass or upstaging, the culture norm mostly ignores it.”
“This saree is not gaudy etc.”
“IN ABSOLUTELY NO MANNER IS THAT SAREE GIVING A WEDDING OUTFIT VIBE.”
“You’re fine.”
“And if anyone gives you more grief, you tell them this Indian aunty on the internet says hi and to debate her.”- NTX_Mom
“Sari not sorry.”
“NTA.”- jerolyoleo
“NTA.”
“The bride approved.”
“What more did they want.”- CrabbiestAsp
“NTA.”
“Bride said it was fine, it was fine.”
“Bride changed her mind on the day, too bad.”- Fit-Confusion-4595
“NTA.”
“You asked offered to change what you would wear beforehand.”
“Their jealousy is not to do with you.”
“People who get married, I would hope would love that you showed support and love by coming.”
“If the bride is so worried about what you are wearing on her wedding day rather than the fact she is marrying the love of her life it shows what kind of person she is.”- wewillf*ckyouup
To give the bride some credit, a lot of dresses do look different in person than they do in pictures.
Even so, considering that it was clear that the OP was going to great lengths to make sure she was dressed appropriately at the wedding, the cold, malicious behavior of the bride and her bridesmaids is pretty shocking.
Perhaps those who felt the positive response the OP got from the Bride’s new mother-in-law may have been what set her off.
Even if that is the case though, there’s no color more unflattering than jealousy.