Having a roommate is a difficult line to walk, especially when you need to talk to them about sensitive subjects.
One woman found this out on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit when she had to address cleaning habits with one of her female roommates.
Redditor throwaway271043819 found out it was too tough of a subject for her roommate to handle lightly.
So much so, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was in the wrong for saying anything.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for singling out my Black roommate when it comes to leaving hair in the shower?”
The OP and one roommate needed to make a change.
“Hey everyone, I’m having a bit of a dilemma. I (20[female]) live with two other girls, S(19[female]) and G(20[female]).”
“We all share one bathroom.”
“Me and S are both White and G is Black. Every time G showers, there is soooo much hair left on the floor of the shower and even in the sink and on the shower curtain (obviously we can tell it’s hers since she has a completely different hair type than S and I).”
“For a while S and I would just suck it up and clean it ourselves each time we showered but enough is enough.”
The OP tried her best to be nice about it at first.
“First, I sent a message in our group chat, so that G wouldn’t feel attacked, and asked that everyone please clean up hair after they shower. well, two weeks went by and G never made any effort to clean up her hair.”
“so I sent G a very friendly message, basically just asking her to please be more mindful about not leaving hair in the shower.”
The OP’s roommate “G” didn’t respond well.
“Well, G flipped out. she told me that I was discriminating against her hair type and she couldn’t help that it falls out a lot when she washes it, and that’s just how black hair is.”
“I told her I understand that, my hair falls out too, but I always clean it up after.”
“I never meant to make her feel bad, it’s just really gross to have to clean up another person’s hair every time you want to take a shower.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some Redditors, of course, said the roommate still needed to clean up, no matter her hair type.
“G’s logic doesn’t make sense. Just because her hair falls out more doesn’t mean she’s exempt from cleaning it up.”
“NTA.” – JabbaInBlueJeans
“OP is NTA, if you have longer hair you should ALWAYS clean it out of the drain after every shower. Even 3 or 4 strands makes it look like you lost half a head of hair.” – lalee_pop
“I’m White AF and I shed everywhere. My husband got upset with me because I left a lot of hair behind in the shower and I was just like, “Oops, sorry,” cleaned it up, and made more of an effort after that. Obviously, it was me because it’s only the two of us living here lol.” – Lanky-Temperature412
“Maybe she only thinks hers falls out more because OP and friends clean theirs up after showering?”
“It definitely doesn’t make sense. They who make the mess must clean it.” – Fettnaepfchen
Others pointed out why the roommate really felt “singled out.”
“You didn’t single out your Black roommate, you singled out the roommate who keeps leaving hair in the shower.” – baddinaa
“I’m trying to figure out how it’s discriminatory to identify someone’s hair and ask them to clean up. If it was red hair and I was the only redhead I wouldn’t be all p**sy cuz I was told to clean up my hair that is very obviously mine” – kalkiki
“I am half Black with 4c hair. I have some complex issues with race and my hair.”
“G is the AH and using hair type and calling discrimination in this context is BS.” – DJTinyPrecious
“NTA at all. I’m a Black woman sharing an apartment with non-black roommates and I clean out my hair after a shower cause that’s what normal people do– lmao I hate people who can’t just keep a shared space clean.” – Admirable_Run_9509
Some pointed out how gross it was that she wasn’t cleaning up after herself.
“NTA. Who the f**k does she think should clean up her hair?” – bite_me_losers
“Cleaning up hair that doesn’t belong to you is gross. No matter what race the hair belongs to. NTA” – Budget_Lemon331
“NTA. it doesn’t matter how much of her hair falls out, that wasn’t the issue. The problem was she doesn’t clean it up after, which is gross and disrespectful. You weren’t discriminating against her, you just knew it was hers and even sent a group text the first time so she wouldn’t feel singled out.” – BlackberryBeetle
“Hate it when they can’t defend themselves (because there’s no possible defense when they’re wrong) so they try to twist it and turn it into something else to avoid discussing the real problem…”
“ESPECIALLY when they try to use as an excuse any form of discrimination. Those are real problems that we’re trying to fight against, and these people HURT this fight with their banal accusations.”
“My hair falls out as crazy due to anxiety and stress. I clean up after myself every single time because that’s what adults do, but if I’d forget it one day and someone tells me to do it, I wouldn’t say they’re discriminating because of my mental health, like wth.” – loudesttown
“NTA being a POC doesn’t mean not being hygienic.”
“Also the amount of hair falling out and being a POC doesn’t equal not cleaning out the hair when you’re done in the shower.” – Bondo_Wallace
This sub seems to agree, the roommate needs to learn to take care of her part of the mess in the home if she wants to continue to be a part of it.
That may not be something she wants to hear right now, but it’s part of being an adult and suitable roommate.