Being a woman means we have to be skeptical about people. We need to protect ourselves from creeps and perverts.
Even if it makes us look bad.
So, when we see signs of a man being creepy or crossing personal boundaries, we must trust our gut and stay safe.
Redditor shameddogsmoocher encountered this very issue with her friend. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for calling a guy creepy for making a T-shirt using photos of me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I know this sounds like a very small issue but this ‘drama’ has flipped my entire gal circle upside down and I need to know if I’m being insensitive or on the right track:”
“Last year, pre-disaster, my boyfriend and I arranged this camping trip near our local mountain. We brought a couple of friends and they brought a couple of friends with them so it was about 10-12 people all together.”
“Most of the time everyone was with their boyfriend/girlfriend or best friend.”
“My boyfriend and I were just chilling in the mountain when my friend’s friend came over and asked us if we wanted some nice pictures. He had a nice camera and we thought we could make nice memories so we agreed.”
“He took multiple pictures of us together and told us he would send it to us, which he did.”
OP didn’t give it a second thought.
“That happened a while ago so I had forgotten until this recent event:”
“This guy DM’s me about the trip and at first I thought it was a nice nostalgic ‘hey remember the time when everything was okay’ kind of thing but it seemed like he was trying to get to a point. He told me that he made a couple of T-shirts to commemorate the event which he wanted to give to me.”
“This was a bit strange because 1. the trip wasn’t a big deal/event 2. We weren’t close and the main reason we even went together was because tickets were cheaper in bulk.”
“Anyway, I wanted to be polite and so I said cool, send a pic so I can see.”
“He sends me a picture and at first I thought it was customized shirt (it was not) because the T-shirt was like a collage, but it was 90% me with like some parts of my boyfriend’s hand near the edge of the frame.”
“I was hella creeped out because like that’s pretty far cross the ‘normal’ line and I asked him if he was serious.”
The guy did not understand OP’s confusion.
“He got offended that I didn’t appreciate his free work and he said that it was insulting that I jumped into conclusions about him being creepy.”
“He took photos of some of the other people but he didn’t include them at all and I called him a creep and told him to get rid of the shirt & to not use my photographs ever again, which led to a full blown (IMO) passive aggressive rant from him about how I used him for nice instagram pics.”
“I haven’t told my boyfriend yet but my friends are arguing between ‘he’s a creep’ and ‘she’s being an ass about pictures she was okay with him taking’ and I need some help distinguishing which side is right.”
“AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“As a guy, I find this creepy as all hell. NTA” ~ Portie_lover
“As a human, I also find this creepy af. NTA” ~ chiMcBenny
“As a duck, I very much concur.” ~ MeanderingDuck
“And a duck’s opinion is to be held in the highest regard.” ~ reejoy247
“But not a cow’s opinion. That’s a moo point.”~ Brilliant_Jewel1924
“I am but a lowly vegetable, and I, too, agree.” ~ artichoke313
“I am also a lowly vegetable but this pumpkin also wants to squash your fears, this guy is creepy and you are NTA.” ~ lepumpkinhead
“As a deer, I am not fawning over him.” ~ PepperyDeer
“Bear confirms.” ~ hexebear
“This carrot also agrees.” ~ purplecarrotmonster
“As trash, I agree. Very creepy.” ~ Gl0ri0usTr4sh
Now, back to the actual conflict.
“Yeah, this is sadly a great example of what women can be asked to put up with so a man is not offended. The fact that this friend group is split only reinforces that.”
“OP, ask your friends if he took photos to be nice and share with you, why didn’t he use ones without cropping your boyfriend? Really press this question, don’t let anyone brush it aside or try to half answer.”
“No matter how uncomfortable, question why only you were the focus, and none of the other 9 people he chose not to make a shirt of. Who was supposed to even wear the shirt? What kind of reaction did this guy expect?”
“Also ask your friends if they’d feel differently if this collage was on the wall in this guys house. That’s something stalkers/creepers do. How does putting it on a shirt somehow make it okay?”
“Tell these ‘friends’ that instead of questioning your response, they need to question this guys intent.” ~ DragonCelica
“NTA. There’s a difference between consenting to have your picture taken and consenting to have your pictures used on a shirt. This guy sounds weird as hell.” ~ vectorkun
“If she’d agreed to the ‘gift’ even just out of politeness he then has a reason to ask for her full address or to try to set up a meeting.”
“Which adds to the yikes factor to me. The shirt is weird as hell, and I feel he definitely saw it as a way to get into OP’s life, establishing closeness.”
“OP should make sure he’s blocked from all of her social media and that people know not to give him her address.”
“Maybe it’s an overreaction but I know in OP’s shoes I’d play it safe, even if it lead to people thinking poorly of me. I’d rather be seen as an AH than to be seen on a missing person poster.”
“OP is NTA, I wonder which friends are defending him? If any women are they need to take a step back and view it as if they are on this sub judging a post. They might be being blindsided by him seeming like a nice guy, and aren’t seeing how weird this is, and how creepy for OP.”
“I’d also make sure friends get to see the whole unedited conversation so the dude can’t try to spin the situation.” ~ LJnosywritter
She should probably take Reddit’s advice and err on the side of caution.