Bringing a newborn baby home from the hospital is truly one of the greatest feelings in the world.
Once the child is home, however, is when the anxiety really kicks in.
In addition to the sleepless nights, feeding schedules, and seemingly endless crying, new parents spend almost every minute of their lives worrying about the health and safety of their new child.
Hence their resistance to letting everyone touch and kiss them endlessly.
Redditor ThrowRAScreamingBans was advised by doctors to be mindful of what she exposed her newborn child to, owing to their weak and developing immune system.
Naturally, the original poster (OP)’s mother couldn’t wait to meet her new grandchild, which the OP wasn’t going to prevent, as long as her mother followed specific rules.
When the OP’s mother didn’t follow these rules, however, she made no effort to hide her anger.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for calling my mom selfish and telling her it will be her fault when the baby d*es?”
The OP explained why she lost her temper at her mother after catching her kissing her newborn child.
“I (28 F[emale]) just had my first, a beautiful baby boy (2 weeks).”
“He is the light of my life, and both my husband (30 M[ale]) and I are overjoyed.”
“My mom (61 F) lives overseas and came to help out with the new baby.”
“She is a doting grandma, but tends to do things her way so there have been a few hiccups.”
“The pediatrician was very clear that NO ONE should kiss the baby other than my husband and I.”
“The baby’s little immune system is too weak, and God forbid he gets something.”
“I was very clear about this to my mom, who was resistant but I was firm and told her no holding the baby at all unless she agrees to no kissing.”
“So, no kissing was agreed.”
“Yesterday, I walked into the nursery to find my mom kissing the baby and generally playing with him.”
“I was so upset, how long had she been doing this behind my back?!”
“My mom justified it by saying that the baby was now two weeks old and nothing bad had happened, so we could start building his immune system.”
“She also said rules like these were why so many children had allergies nowadays.”
“I took the baby from my mom and called her a selfish cow.”
“I told her that when the baby d*es from a preventable disease, it will be her fault and hers alone (I may have gone a bit far).”
“I told her she was lucky I wasn’t kicking her out, and the only reason I wasn’t is because she has no place else to go.”
“As I type this my mom is busy packing her bags because she is ‘clearly not welcome in [her] grandchild’s life’, and moaning about how she will never have a bond with him.”
“She found time in all of this to text my aunt (65 F), who called to tell me that I should be ashamed of myself and that my son should count his blessings that he has a loving grandmother.”
“Now I wonder if I was a bit intense, and probably could have been a bit more relaxed.”
“So was I the AH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for yelling at her mother.
Everyone agreed that the OP was merely following doctor’s orders, and her mother should have listened to her and respected her wishes.
“My baby did almost die.”
“Of RSV.”
“Which she likely wouldn’t have gotten if she wasn’t being kissed on by every family member who picked her up.”
“You are absolutely NTA.”
“The only thing worse than sleeping in the hospital wondering if your baby is going to live through the night is going home without your baby because they didn’t.”- Adalaide78
“Respond to your aunt:”
“‘We have been told by a qualified doctor that it’s too dangerous for anyone other than me or my husband to kiss our son because of his weak immune system’.”
“‘Mum decided she would rather prioritize her wish to kiss him over his health’.”
“It doesn’t matter what we knew in the past when raising babies, we’re now better educated, and are able to prevent unnecessary child death by following Dr’s instructions’.”
“‘Mum would rather do what she wants over the health of my child’.”
“‘That’s her choice, and she’s choosing the consequences’.”
“And you can paraphrase that to mum before she leaves.”
“She doesn’t get to pretend she’s a victim here.”
“I highly recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson, it’ll give an insight to her actions.”
“You can often download it as a free pdf.”
“NTA.”
“NTA send her some of the stories/articles about how attitudes like hers or just plain ignorance have led to deaths of babies.”
“Tell her to read some of these that your going to assume it was just ignorance on her part and if she reads the stuff and apologizes she’s more than welcome back if she promises to not cross boundaries you’ve established again.”
“Obviously if, when and how she comes back is completely up to you.”
“And that crossing boundaries like the no kissing your child in these important starting months as your trying to avoid a horror story again after an apology will lead to NC with both you and her grandchild for a significant amount of time.”- fatherted98
“NTA.”
“Your paediatrician was clear about this, you were clear about this, she didn’t listen.”
“Your child’s health comes first and you are a very fresh mom, of course you gonna react strongly when she endangers your baby.”
“She should know this.”- InuKimi
“NTA.”
“I’ve seen and read so many heart wrenching cases of newborns either becoming excruciatingly sick or passing away from such carelessness.”
“You protect your baby at ALL costs, no matter whos feelings might get hurt. I’d much rather hurt someone’s feelings than having to grieve the loss of my newborn.”- CasperTheOrphan
“NTA.”
“Your baby, your rules. 2 weeks is still very young and something mild for us can be life threatening for them.”
“My partners aunty kept trying to kiss our newborn, argued with me everything we saw her for months that she’s family and should be allowed.”
“I told her if she doesn’t respect my wishes she won’t even be holding our baby.”
“This is the same woman who kissed my SIL’s 4 week old when she had a coldsore.”
“Let her pack her bags, when she’s on her way out the door tell her when she’s read up on the dangers and willing to respect your wishes then she’s welcome back.”- ilovechips90
“NTA.”
“Let’s just remember that this isn’t the grandparents’ child, it’s OP’s child.”
“Also, OP is a new mum, and hormones are still going crazy.”
“You made a rule about your baby.”
“No kissing.”
“Why do people think babies are objects for their own enjoyment?”
“In this case, you were told not to let people kiss the baby, and you agreed to the advice.”
“Your reaction might seem extreme, but you are a new mum!”
“You have so much to figure out, and having someone you trust break your boundary is not okay.”
“You’re trying to keep your child safe as best as you know.”- Confident_Wave_5048
“Nope.”
“My mom was so upset that my sister instituted boundaries with my niece.”
“But complied because she knows my sister isn’t f*cking around.”
“This is a classic FAFO and she’s finding out – you can’t just kiss a two week old baby?!”
“I’m surprised that people still have such an entitlement to infants!”
“I saw a Facebook meme about getting a spray bottle and using it whenever someone tries to kiss the baby – straight up considering it.”- charlevoidmyproblems
“NTA.”
“You can show love without kissing a baby.”
“There are so many ways to bond without it.”
‘And so many baby or children get herpes because those forced kisses of family.”- EvilFinch
“Nta.”
“Many parents feel overly entitled and this is one of those moments.”
“It’s all about her until the baby catches something, God forbid.”
“I recently read a post about someone who dealt with something similar and their son did pass away… because family members were disrespectful of the baby’s boundaries and warnings….”
“Remind your mother who the parent is and that it’s wrong for her to try and guilt you when she should have been adult enough to follow rules.”- hollida8ze
Needless to say, all new grandmothers want to do nothing more than hug and kiss their grandchildren every opportunity they have.
However, if anyone needs their love and support more than their grandchildren, it’s their children.
Seeing how nervous her daughter was, it would have been wise of the OP’s mother to listen and respect all her wishes, not take her anger and fear as personally as she did.
One only hopes following a civil conversation, everyone will be able to forgive and support one another.