It’s fairly surprising in this day and age there remains an all too common assumption everyone should become parents one day.
This results in exhausting conversations for those who have no inclination whatsoever to have children, for a variety of highly understandable reasons.
But Redditor Outrageous_Flower701 was driven to the tipping point on this matter by her cousin, in spite of several earlier requests to stop.
But fearing she may not have handled the situation as best she could, the original poster (OP) paid a visit to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for avoiding my baby obsessed cousin?”
The OP first filled Redditors in on her relationship with her cousin and the guaranteed conversation which occurred each time they met.
I (25F[emale]) am childfree and have no intentions of ever having a kid.”
“My cousin (26F) has been pestering me every time I spend time with her about how I should have a kid so her kid will have a cousin to play with, because she thinks I’d be a good mom, etc.”
“I seriously do mean every single time we talk, which used to be a few times a week.”
Finally hoping this might come to an end, the OP disclosed how she tried to put a stop to this, which did not turn out exactly as she had hoped.
“Recently on a road trip when this was brought up I told my cousin how uncomfortable I was with this subject and reminded her of some trauma I experienced as a teenager that has left me with a near phobia of pregnancy.”
“My cousin insisted that it’s just a ‘womanly instinct’ and that she just can’t help but to bring up this imagined future where I have kids each time she sees me.”
“I kind of snapped at her at said that we’re humans, not animals ruled by instincts, that she needed to respect my decision to not have kids, and that it left me viscerally uncomfortable to be imagining myself pregnant.”
“I feel like I may be the a**hole (TA) because I told my cousin that I felt she was a sh*t mom but she didn’t hear me bringing that up every time we spoke and because my cousin is a very lonely person and I was her last social outlet.”
“I haven’t spoken with my cousin since late August and other family members have told me she’s been getting very depressed due to her complete lack of a social life.”
The OP added some updates to her initial post after a shocking change in her cousin’s situation.
“So I don’t have to reply to everyone in the comments separately.”
“Yes calling her a sh*t mom was an AH move, neglect on her part or not I know it cut deep and that’s not what I was unsure about.”
” Child Protective Services (CPS) has been called in for her child neglect and I have reached out to the baby daddy to offer help.”
“I gave him what I could but our extended family is who has witnessed the most neglect and they are very protective of my cousin and cover for her.”
“Doing what I can here, I really wish I could just make them intervene or take the kid myself.”
Fellow redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors overwhelmingly agreed the OP was not the a**hole in this unfortunate situation.
Particularly not after the OP offered some more clarity on her cousin’s parenting choices in the comments section.
“Basically she neglects her kid and depends on family to care for him, the whole family feels she shouldn’t have the kid but I guess I was the first to snap at her.”
“Edit- just realized I should clarify she neglects him by locking him in his room all day so she can smoke weed and watch anime.”
“He gets his diaper changed maybe twice a day and hangs out screaming in his room until another family member happens to come over.”
With that newfound piece of information, several Redditors wondered if the OP’s cousin’s true reason for wanting her to have a child was so the two of them could co-commiserate.
“If I were to be an armchair psychologist, I would say she wants you to have a baby so bad because she regrets having hers and misery needs company.”
“But just normal me would say you have the right to set and enforce boundaries.”
“Keep them boundaries strong!!” – Effective-Ad-4287
Others expressed their exhaustion in the unending idea all women need to become mothers.
“She needs to stop. Now.”
“I say that as a woman who is pregnant with twins right now and already the mother of two.”
“Not everyone wants or needs to be a parent and that’s fine!” -Issyswe
Just about everyone was in agreement the OP’s cousin was in the wrong for not hearing her earlier pleas to stop pressuring motherhood upon her.
“NTA, your cousin, however – a**hole.”
“You asked her not to bring it up, even after tolerating it (repeatedly) it seems…”
“But she STILL brings it up and tries to reinforce her position to impose upon your comfort zone with “natural instinct”… “
“She is rude and offensive and inconsiderate…”
“And for the record: I know some otherwise ‘kind and gentle’ women that would have handled that response with some open-handed counseling to the face…”
“Good luck, OP.” – BigDaddyTrixter
“NTA, you placed a boundary and she trampled all over it.”
“Parents and humans in general are supposed to be respectful of boundaries.”
“Stop means stop in any context.” -Demon-In-Your-Ear.
“NTA she is lonely because she is an annoying person who obviously can’t respect basic boundaries.”
“Everything making her depressed is from her own actions.”
“I’m sure they way she treats you, is the same as she treats everyone else.”
“Your other family members can spend time with her if they’re so worried about her social life.” Lady_Ellie119.
The OP’s cousin’s pestering her to become a mother is all the more surprising after the cousin’s parenting choices were brought to light.
But while the OP’s cousin certainly ignored all the boundaries the OP made every possible attempt to set, it also seems clear that the cousin has many issues which need dealing with.
Here’s hoping that everything can be settled as best as it possibly can, particularly for the safety and welfare of the child involved.