Decorating for the holidays is a time-honored and wonderful tradition.
But not everyone approves of it.
What happens when the decoration you've waited for your whole life is finally yours, but a vocal neighbor hates it?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Adventurous-Log-3274 when they came to the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
"AITA for not taking down our 12-foot-skeleton because a neighbor's son is afraid of it?"
Welcome to the neighborhood.
"Okay, so we moved to this neighborhood back in April and have been making so many plans for Halloween decorations."
"I have always wanted the giant skeleton."
"If you aren't familiar, just search '12 foot skeleton' and you'll find it."
Great news.
"I finally ordered one!"
"We put it up on September 1st because I was just too excited to wait."
"People on my street all laughed about it and the teens down the street came to take pictures with it."
"My next door neighbor is going to make stuff to go with it."
The problem.
"Unfortunately there's younger kids who are a few streets away who see it on their walk home from school and one of them cries and gets scared of it."
"So the mom approached me and asked if I could possibly take it down because it's a little too scary."
"IMO it's not scary, it's silly. I don't like scary Halloween, I like silly Halloween."
"I don't even listen to True Crime podcasts like every other basic girl these days (I wrote this drinking a PSL. It's me, I'm the basic girl."
"Stop getting your panties in a knot. I'm literally watching Gilmore Girls right now. The call is coming from inside the house."
"It is a joke about ME being basic."
"True crime is literally one of THE most popular, trendy things for young women right now. It's Taylor Swift, True Crime, PSL. I like 2/3 of these things."
"Please blink if you understand the joke."
"Do you still not get it? Hi, I'm too much of a baby to like true crime. I cannot go Fully Basic."
"I am only part-time basic. Jesus Christ tell me you get it NOW?)."
Compromise?
"I asked the mom if putting on a silly hat, a boa, silly shirt or something would work. She said no and asked again for me to take it down."
"I told her that I have wanted one of these forever and that I am not going to take it down."
"I suggested she find a different route to/from the bus stop. She made a face and said 'Really?'"
"I said I spent $300 on this bad boy and I want to enjoy it. Not to sound too dramatic, but in this world on fire, something as stupid as a 12 foot skeleton brings me joy."
"Then she looked behind me and smirked and said that $300 shouldn't break the bank, but that judging by the house we bought, she should have realized money was an issue for us."
"Then she said 'But it costs nothing to be kind to a little boy who is scared.'"
"I'm not particularly clever or quick, so I said 'Okay, well, thanks for the suggestion' and went back to weeding. She stood there and then took a picture, presumably to 'blast me on social media' or her mommy groups or whatever."
"Whenever she walks by she scowls (doorbell cam) and takes another picture."
"My husband agrees we don't need to take it down."
"There is no HOA or anything."
"Her going down a different street would not even add more to her walk to get the kids. I think she is being unreasonable and playing up that whole corny 'mama bear' thing."
OP was left to wonder,
"But AITA?"
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
The joy of spite.
"Honestly? I'd buy a second giant one next week. After a couple of days, have the giant skeletons hold hands."
"Then get a third one the week after, of a little skeleton."
"Then maybe a dog skeleton the week after that."
"And a cat skeleton being chased by the dog skeleton the week after that."
"ETA: NTA" ~ Straight-Singer-2912
"Get a kid sized skeleton to put hanging out of the big skeletons mouth" ~ Mikeismycodename
"Reminds me of a story a few years back about a woman who got an anonymous nastygram about her Christmas dragon display in her yard from an offended Christian neighbor."
"She added more dragons." ~ Veteris71
"This..."
We have all year long a: pink flamingo skeleton, a rat skeleton, and a cat skeleton... and that's BEFORE the Halloween decorations come out. ~ Adahla987
The cost of kindness.
"NTA."
"It's true that it costs nothing to be kind to a little boy who is scared. But it also costs nothing to teach that child about how to deal with their fears and that the world doesn't cater to you" ~ VeronicaSawyer8
"Perfect response."
"It also costs nothing to be tactful. There was no need for her to disparage the OP and his home."
'"Then she looked behind me and smirked and said that $300 shouldn't break the bank, but that judging by the house we bought, she should have realized money was an issue for us.'"
"NTA." ~ Acrobatic-Tennis-157
Teachable moment.
"Yep."
"Best thing to do would be to offer to 'introduce' the kid to the skeleton, show him how it's plastic, how it fits together."
"Isn't it cool what people can make? What kind of stuff do you like to make?"
"Maybe you and your mom can make some super cool Halloween decorations!"
"That's being kind and teaching life lessons about how to deal with fear (information!). Taking it down will only increase fear." ~ RainahReddit
"When I was growing up, my stepdad would dress up and either hide around a corner or sit really still in plain sight then jump-scare people."
"He loved scaring the older kids and unsuspecting parents."
"Unfortunately, sometimes a little one would be too close, but he always takes time to take off his mask and show them who he was while giving them extra candy to help cheer them up."
"This mom would have hated our house. Halloween used to be about spooky and scary decor and antics."
"What this mom should do is slowly get her kid used to seeing the skeleton."
"To show him that it's nothing to be scared of."
"Buy a smaller scale one and let him get used to that. Explain the big one is just a giant sized of the one he now has, etc. Obviously, OP is NTA." ~ Lilbit_Evil
The Halloween Spirit.
"Our neighborhood had a guy who would dress up in a gorilla suit every Halloween and do that. It was awesome, we all loved it" ~ ViolentWeiner
"Growing up, I had 'the talking house.' It's what it sounded like."
"A creepy voice from within the house would start talking to you, but there was no one there."
"Looking back, it was obviously just some guy hiding in his house using some kind of voice modulator, but I loved it as a kid."
"They also gave out full-size candy bars, so that was a house you wanted to hit." ~ supersinger9000
"She would hate our Halloween decorations for that reason (we trick out the porch and hang up a bunch of spiders and stuff), but the ones who make it to the house get to check out the big LEGO display."
"I love it when the teens bring their buddies to see it." ~ Striking_Ad_6742
YTA?
"YTA for putting out Halloween decorations in September" ~ Realistic7362
"YTA for not thinking it's Halloween season." ~ RealHumanFromEarth
Discomfort.
"NTA people encounter things they are uncomfortable with all the time, and we have to adapt."
"Honestly the mom sets the tone with this. I would've have started singing spooky scary skeletons and did a silly dance while passing to distract my kids if they were scared."
"And every time we passed, it would be a high five and a reminder that the skeleton is just a decoration and didn't hurt them." ~ BrazenDuck
Many of my articles begin or end with a request to 'be kind.'
I believe strongly that a little more kindness in the world could make a big difference, not just in our personal lives but in the world at large.
Every little drop in the bucket and all that.
Of course, kindness has its limits.
You can't prevent every injury, every nuisance, every discomfort.
So, we teach our kids to be tolerant and understanding of the rough edges.
Careful with sharp knives, cautious with rude people.
Be brave in the face of the big scary skeleton.
Teaching is the ultimate kindness in this regard because it doesn't just soothe a sting or calm a feeling. It helps you prepare for those difficult things in the future, too.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.