Family dynamics can be difficult to manage.
The more people involved with any project, the more conflicting ideas you’re bound to have.
The same is true with families.
Doubly so for vacations.
With everyone shouting over each other to be heard, it can get difficult to maintain good boundaries.
So, when OP opens her home to her Sister and Brother in law who then start making demands that OP isn’t comfortable with, what is she to do?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) angryyetsensitivemom when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for refusing to let my SILs son sleep in my daughters crib?”
OP began with introductions, and a little history.
“So my (30 female) husbands (33 male) brother (34m), brothers wife / SIL (32f) and their son (20 months) are planning to visit us next week and stay for the week since we live several states away and don’t get to see each other often.”
“My SIL has never been very kind to me.”
“Some examples include her not inviting me to her wedding (my husband and I were serious then), not inviting me to her birthday (v serious then).”
“Refusing to get her hair and makeup done for my wedding (I asked her to be a bridesmaid for my husband) which btw I’m aware this is silly but every other wedding she went to that year as a bridesmaid – she got her makeup done -“
“And at this point I was so sensitive to her that little things hurt.”
Everything was fine, until…
“The other week I texted my SIL asking her plans on where her son will be sleeping.”
“She responded that her son should take my daughters (5 months) crib and she should sleep in the pack n play.”
OP enforced her boundary with justifications.
“I explained that this wouldn’t work for us because she just started sleep training, we just moved her to the crib from the bassinet and I don’t want to displace her from her bed while she’s still getting used to it.”
“She responded that since her son is bigger he should obviously get the crib because the pack n play will be too small for him and since my daughter is so young that she can sleep anywhere.”
“At this point I was already getting frustrated but I offered to buy them a travel crib (for up to 50lbs) that he can sleep in since that should alleviate the size issue.”
“She also declined this option and said that this conversation was ridiculous since I should just give them the crib and that she’s trying to help me sleep train my daughter.”
“I again reiterated that I would prefer my daughter sleep in her own crib and suggested she look into renting a crib via babyquip and that we can split the total with them.”
“To this she responded that that is not happening and she wanted us to pay for all the costs or just give up and give her son the crib.”
“Anyway I told Her that the only solution cannot be her son getting my daughters crib and that very often things are her way or the Highway to which she responded maybe they shouldn’t come.”
“This conversation was about 3 weeks ago and we have not spoken since.”
“They’re supposed to come next Thursday but Im feeling so uncomfortable with the whole situation.”
OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA for not giving up the crib??”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some applauded OP for standing her ground.
“You should tell your husband and let her know her place, she’s a guest at your house and it should be very easy to close the doors at her even if other people don’t like it.”
“If someone’s doing for you you should be grateful or at least don’t act so entitled to demand stuff I’m a house it’s not their own.”
“Tell her the kid can sleep with them in their bed” ~ Easy_Site_539
“Yes, make it clear to him that she’s not getting the crib.”
“I can totally see her showing up and trying to claim it anyway.” ~ salukiqueen
Others would take more drastic actions.
“But seriously, just stop communicating with this woman. Let your husband handle his messed up family.” ~BeJane759
“This, but you should also make it clear to your husband that his sister is not the priority.”
“If he’s going to be handling the communication with her, he needs to keep it in his head that you and your child are the priority.”
“If his sister is demanding unreasonable sh*t with him, if he gives in there’s got to be a problem” ~ JCBashBash
Commenters were surprised at SIL’s selfishness.
“Booting your daughter out of her own crib is ridiculous. They should plan to bring a travel one, or preferably stay elsewhere.”
“Some weird misogynistic energy coming from that for the ‘Little Prince’ to be the center of your home while visiting.” ~ WholeAd2742
“No no no, the host should always imposition a 5mo in preference to a 20mo visitor.”
“After all, he’s the firstborn male in the group. /s”
“He’s almost 2yo, throw a beanbag next to the visitor bed and call it done.”
“NTA” ~ Throwawayhater3343
“They can get a hotel and the hotel can give them a crib!”
“The entitlement. They can also stay home!”
“Get husband involved- this is a hill to die on Op!”
“Don’t let her bully you!”
“FYI: I have helped raised many littles and when you are sleep training you don’t mess with that!”
“A 20 month old can sleep on the floor, in a mattress, on their bed, and in the pack and play also.”
“Your SIL is being difficult on purpose.” ~ Mandaloriana_2022
Confusion was also a common thread.
“Why isn’t she bringing her own accommodation for her infant son?”
“If she were staying at a hotel, they wouldn’t be providing her with a crib for him.”
“Where I come from, if you travel with infants, you bring an appropriately-sized pack-n-play with you for them rather than expecting your hosts to just give you one.” ~ WildAphrodite
“Hotels do provide cribs or pack and plays, especially chain hotels, but they are almost always old and gross.”
“It’s really hard to sanitize a pack and play.”
“What I don’t get is… pack and plays are the same size as cribs.”
“Unless the 20 month old is the size of a baby elephant, it will fit in a pack and play.” ~
Communication was the key.
“The problem is, I can see someone like this calling your bluff, and refusing to use any other option for her son, blaming you for ‘treating a baby like this!’ and ramping the drama until you buckle.”
“Talk to your husband, be sure he’s ACTIVELY agreeing with you and telling SIL that No, she does NOT get to displace HIS baby in HIS home just because she wants a bigger crib.”
“She’s being awful, but she’s got more experience BEING awful than you do in dealing WITH her awful, so prepare and communicate with your partner. NTA.” ~ GuyverIV
Proper Priorities were also mentioned.
“Protecting your INFANT is your responsibility, not managing your husband’s relationship with his brother.”
“Tell him that your SIL is behaving like this and is therefore unable to be around your child.”
“Does HE not want his baby safe and secure in her own home? He can go visit his brother in a hotel.” ~ Greenelse
OP did return with some final thoughts.
“Edit for context:”
“The crib is currently in our primary bedroom. She does not sleep in her own room yet.”
“Thank you all so much for your input!”
“You have no idea how much you’ve validated my feelings and made me feel justified in my stance.”
“I know it’s also on me for being such a pushover and doormat all these years – I was always hoping we could become close friends but lol the feeling is very clearly not mutual.”
“However, now she’s messed with my baby and I’m p*ssed tbh.”
“I’m making my husband deal with it and told him we have the pack n play or they can figure it out.”
“Also that she’s not allowed in our house without a proper apology.”
“Idk if this is the best solution but baby steps?”
“But I promise if she makes any comments re my daughters crib and using it while she’s here – my pushover days are over.”
Your home is meant to be your safest place.
It’s important to enforce your boundaries while allowing for flexibility, of course, but that flexibility cannot come at the risk of harm.
Be wary of those who come to your home and believe it to be there own without your explicit consent.
Be mindful of your boundaries and , wherever possible, be kind while doing so.