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Woman Balks After Boyfriend Demands She Stop Taking ‘Dangerously Hot’ Showers In His Bathroom

Photo by Jennifer Lim-Tamkican/Unsplash

When in a relationship you have to put up with a lot.

Partners can really be a handful.

You have to put up with a lot.

And there are ways to compromise and not…

Case in point…

Redditor fritofiend wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for Not Allowing my GF to have Dangerously Hot Showers?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I have been dating my girlfriend for 8 months.”

“Things have been going so well that when she started a project based in my part of the city, she decided to stay at my place temporarily rather than do the daily commute.”

“I noticed that when she showers, she has the water so hot that steam billows from the bathroom when she opens the door.”

“It leaves everything in the bathroom wet.”

“I have been telling her to use the dehumidifier in the bathroom as she showers.”

“She told me that she showers with the window open and turns it on afterwards because the air was too humid for the dehumidifier.”

“I put my foot down and told her it wasn’t optional, and she ended up breaking the dehumidifier with the steam.”

“I told her that enough was enough, and that if there’s no dehumidifier then she would have to shower at a normal temperature like everyone else does.”

“When she comes out of the bathroom her skin is red.”

“What she did instead was she started locking herself in the bathroom while the steam dissipated so I wouldn’t catch her turning my bathroom into a fucking sauna.”

“Well, last week I had enough of it.”

“I took the lock off the bathroom door.”

“The toilet is in a separate room so there is still complete privacy when using the toilet by the way.”

“Now she can’t steam out my entire bathroom without me knowing.”

“I knock before entering and make sure it’s not too steamy in the bathroom and that the temperature of the water is normal.”

“She hasn’t said anything about it, but since I did that, her mood has been low with me.”

“She’s started spending weekends at her place and she’s slowly been taking her stuff with her.”

“I told her that I didn’t do it to be nasty, but the hot showers were damaging my bathroom and probably her health too.”

“She just says “‘k’ and ‘it’s fine.'”

“I took the lock off the bathroom door to make sure my girlfriend isn’t having dangerously hot showers in my apartment.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“YTA. Bathrooms with showers should be able to handle steam.”

“If it can’t, that’s a facility problem, not your girlfriend’s (for now) problem.”

“Seriously tho, get a window fan and let the woman boil herself alive.”  ~ Sarioth

“For real.”

“While I’ve damaged all my bathroom furniture with my penchant for boiling myself alive, my bathroom itself is fine.”

“I literally boil 3 pots of water to put in my tub because my hot water heater doesn’t get hot enough.”

“I cut it with cold water until it’s cool enough to tolerate but it’s still dangerously hot.”

“It generates a LOT of steam with the window open in the winter.”

“High heat and steam help my migraines tremendously.”  ~ maddomesticscientist

“I was so happy when I saw this at the house we have now.”

“I immediately cranked it up.”

“The places we’ve lived before did not have it on the outside.”

“I had to remove a panel and adjust two screws that were just labeled + and -.”

“Wait for the water to heat up to check it and adjust again til I got it where I wanted it.”

“I have to warn new people when they come to visit.”

“YTA OP I’d say apologize but your girlfriend is about to break up with you so it would be too little too late.”

“You really threw a red flag party there.”  ~ everybodys-mom

“There are quite a few showers that cannot handle steam.”

“A lot of contractors OP for the cheapest damn shower fan, sometimes not even connecting the pipes, etc.”

“I had a shower that had a window and a fan.”

That f**ker still got mold like no one’s business.”

“Despite buying an even better fan, it didn’t help.”

“Eventually I had to shower with the door open because of this.”

“So a lot of factors come into play.”

“Age of building, location (some countries don’t put fans in the bathroom), how the contractor put things in, etc.”

“OP could have done his diligence if renting and just got told to get a dehumidifier.”

“And u/fritiofiend, you need to do your research before doing this s**t again. YTA for that.”

“There is a thing called the RSL that is behind the handle to the shower (depending on the model sometimes it’s behind the faucet) that adjusts the temperature without having to go after the water heater.”

“Basically is deals with how much hot and cold water mix.”

“That’s like one of the first things I went after in my apartment once I moved in to adjust the water to how I want.”

“Edit to add: For anyone dealing with water not getting hot enough, do look the RSL and the model you have in the bathroom up!”

“The reason I do this now was a previous handyman my landlord hired turned the RSL down to barely mix hot water after fixing a leak so that I’d call and he’d come out and charge again.”

“Unfortunately he didn’t realize I know how to google s**t.”  ~ Apprehensive-Two3474

“I paid a decent amount of money for my bathroom two years ago. It’s perfect.”

“I love hot showers.”

“It helps with my back pain and makes a huge difference to my day if I don’t.”

“I have the extractor fan on throughout and the window cracked open. When I’m done.”

“I get the worst of any condensation that forms (WHICH IS NATURAL BECAUSE IT’S A BATHROOM) dried off with a towel which also helps stop bad limescale building up.”

“When I leave the bathroom I leave the windows and door open along with the extractor which will auto shut off after 15 mins.”

“By the time I’m all ready to leave for work 45 mins later, the room is dry.”

“Due to the quick dry I only need to a top up clean of my bathroom once a week.”

“My bathroom is still fine and not wrecked.”

“YTA. The removal of the lock is ridiculous and using that to then enter the bathroom (knocking first is no excuse) to police what she is doing is controlling and pathological.”

“YTA. Leave. Her. Alone.”  ~ SophieEisenheim

“I’m a controlling a**hole, forced my girlfriend to break my dehumidifier (after she warned me it would break it) and then blamed her for the damage anyway.”

“Took the locks off the door and am treating her like a toddler that can’t make her own decisions.”

“Now I’m surprise Pikachu because she’s slowly moving out and doesn’t want to put up with my controlling behavior anymore. AITA?”

“In case you couldn’t gather it by this point… yea. YTA.”  ~ Acrobatic-Ad6350

“YTA. It’s a bathroom. You’re allowed to take hot, steamy showers in a bathroom.”

“It’s normal. Trying to control your girlfriend’s shower temperature isn’t.”  ~ Scrabblement

“I’m wondering how cool a shower would have to be to avoid steam.”

“In my experience, showers are steamy if they’re warm at all.”

“It seems OP is demanding that his gf take lukewarm showers because his bathroom wasn’t made to handle normal shower temperature.”

“Rather than being embarrassed about his sub-par shower and possibly fixing it.”

“He’s being weirdly controlling and then trying to make the conflict out to be her fault.”  ~ EllySPNW

“Depends on how steamy we’re talking about.”

“The amount of steam I get from a normal shower temperature shower (which I do warm but not super hot because my skin can’t take it) is way less than the amount if I intentionally run it very hot to steam up the room for sinus-pain management.”

“I can see where the latter could be an issue in some places where mold/mildew is a big problem, because that quantity of steam regularly seems like it could seep into any little gap or crevice?”

“I mean, I assume there’s a reason you can buy specially enclosed steam showers?”

“Most bathrooms aren’t really super waterproof except actually *in* the shower, so they can only take so much moisture/humidity.”

“OP sounds like he handled the issue like a dick, though.”  ~ Thequiet01

Well OP it sounds like you may need to adjust your levels.

Maybe personally run a little cold.

Or at least have a calmer conversation before she moves everything out.

Good luck.