Are we entirely sure weddings are a good idea?
We talk a lot about the actual ceremony itself, but sometimes the horror of a wedding is that it can cause problems years later.
What happens when you are over a decade removed from the ‘blessed event’ and it’s still causing issues?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Green_Reference_8688 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for telling my SIL that the grudge she’s holding against me over wedding photos is stupid?”
“I (Female 20) have an older brother (Male 34) ‘Tim'”.
“Tim has a wife, ‘Vicky’ (Female 33).”
“For a while now, I’ve noticed Vicky has been acting weird around me.”
“She avoids interacting with me, avoids eye contact, and doesn’t make conversation, and generally seems annoyed with my presence.”
“I wasn’t really sure what her problem was.”
“It was starting to get to me, so I gently as possible, asked Tim about it.”
“He confirmed Vicky was angry at me over something.”
“He explained that a while ago, my mother posted some old photos from his and Vicky’s wedding on Facebook (I don’t have Facebook, so I didn’t know) and that she used a filter or photo editor that made my dress look white when it was actually pastel blue.”
“Later, Tim, Vicky, and me were alone, and Tim brought this issue up and said it needs to be talked about.”
“Vicky started to become visibly upset, and she pretty much repeated what Tim told me and said that the edited photos were disrespectful and that really I shouldn’t have worn a color that was so close to white anyway.”
“I reminded Vicky that I was nine years old when they got married, and don’t even really remember much from it.”
“She said I must’ve had some choice in what to wear.”
“I told her I don’t know because I don’t remember and that if it bothers her so much, she should take it up with my mom, and I told her that this grudge she’s holding against me is stupid.”
“Vicky looked mortified and said that I didn’t have to be so calloused and that I had no reason to be rude to her and dismiss her concerns.”
“Tim is now also mad because I ‘disrespected’ his wife.”
“I just didn’t understand what other response she could be expecting, especially when I have a complicated relationship with my parents. Was I wrong?”
OP was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
“She’s mad at you … for wearing a blue dress to a wedding as a nine-year-old?”
“As if you realistically had a lot of say over your clothes at that age? And because your mother reposted the picture with a filter… years later?”
“This is the same level of BS as when people get mad about things that happened in their dreams. You’ve done nothing wrong, and everyone knows it.”
“She’s embarrassed at her own ridiculousness and lashing out at you for embarrassing her instead of realizing she embarrassed herself.”
“Tell your brother that until she apologizes for her ludicrous behavior, they can both keep their unstable a**es away from you.” ~ Cursd818
“Someone might have thought the NINE-YEAR-OLD wearing blue was the bride!”
“…Genuinely though, didn’t she have better things to do that day than lose her sh*t getting jealous of a literal child?” ~ mitsuhachi
“NTA. I don’t know WTF the problem is here. This is bonkers”
“You were 9. I doubt you had much of a choice and probably didn’t even know about the ‘no white to a wedding’ rule at that age.”
“You did not apply the filter. Your mother did.”
“Even if you wore white, who cares? Lots of little girls rewear a communion dress or white Easter dress to a wedding.”
“It was 11 damn years ago.” ~ C_Majuscula
“Your parents bought and paid for the dress (I assume). If you picked it out (at the store for the wedding) or from your closet because you already owned it, they could have said no.”
“9yo children don’t know wedding etiquette. And the dress wasn’t white.”
“Your mom could have simply not used that filter.”
“She’s upset AT YOU that YOUR MOM used a FILTER on a BLUE dress from a wedding that happened 11 YEARS AGO.”
“That’s pretty messed up.”
“There has to be more going on here.”
“From the bird you’ve shared, it sounds like there are relationship issues in the family as is. Am I correct?”
“There’s more for her to be so upset, but I don’t know what.” ~ Starfish-1982
“Child members of the wedding party (flower girls, ring bearers, etc.) traditionally wore white.”
“This example shows just how unhinged the ‘white is solely for the bride’ phenomenon has gotten.”
“My hypothesis is that since weddings are pretty much the only ceremony left in much of Western culture, it has too much weight to bear and is breaking under the load.” ~ AuntieDawnsKitchen
“I was going to say my cousin was a flower girl for my wedding and she wore the same style dress as me in white. She looked stunning.”
“I don’t understand how anyone can think a child can outshine them on their wedding day.” ~ twinawyn
“I wore a white dress to someone’s wedding when I was 11 or so.”
“My parents had recently divorced, and it was my dad’s weekend.”
“I didn’t leave clothes there. I just packed a suitcase on his weekends.”
“He sprang it on me that we were going to a wedding for an old friend of his daughter’s wedding.”
“I had 0 clue who these people were.”
“I had no idea I would be attending a wedding and had not packed anything.”
“All I had was a simple white cotton knee-length dress or comfy weekend clothes.”
“The only shoes were sandals.”
“I remember asking both my dad and my uncle if the dress was okay?”
“They both confirmed it was. I didn’t know until years after this that you aren’t supposed to wear white. That never dawned on me. I was a kid, and it was not a fancy dress.”
“I was very obviously NOT the bride. But I still feel kind of embarrassed about it now.” ~ Just4TheSpamAndEggs
Some saw deeper issues.
“Vicky sounds like she needs to see a mental health professional.”
“That’s not really normal behavior.” ~ Aylauria
“Honestly, this.” This is just really unhinged in the way she’s looking at this. I grew up with a seriously dysfunctional family, and this absolutely reminds me of that.
This is literally not well-adjusted, mentally/emotionally sound behavior in the least.
“She is mad at y o u because your mother, her mother-in-law, reposted an 11-year-old wedding picture, using a filter that changed the light blue dress of a nine-year-old into white.”
“Your SIL is nuts.”
“● 9-year-olds are rarely allowed to choose the dresses for a big event like a wedding.”
“● dresses for little girls, to be worn at weddings or other big events, often use pastel colours “
“● your mother used the filter on the picture”
“● your mother posted the picture on FB “
“● you weren’t even aware it had been posted”
“Your sister-in-law does a lot of mental gymnastics to be offended. Giving you the cold shoulder for things out of your sphere of influence concerning an event 11 years ago.”
“She should feel embarrassed. Her behaviour towards you is stupid like hell and unbecoming of a woman over 30. Instead of actually talking to you, she refuses to interact with you.” ~ Wild_Set4223
“Your sister-in-law is clearly mentally unstable, and your brother is backing up her insanity.”
“I would give them a seriously wide berth as this sort of toxic behavior rarely improves.”
“I am in a very similar situation with my own SIL, and let me tell you, even if you resolve this issue, another will quickly follow.”
“It sounds as if your family dynamic is complex and may well be one you need to distance from anyway.” ~ Such-Perspective-758
“She has a lot of misplaced anger.”
“You did nothing wrong- now or when you were 9.”
“Remember that you have no obligation or responsibility to your siblings. If she continues to be petty & toxic, you have every right to go low or no contact with her.” ~ HelenAngel
Not everyone was convinced.
“A 33 year-old sees a photo from 11 years ago, where a 9 y-o was wearing a light blue dress that looked white in some pisspoor photography and then has a meltdown?”
“W the actual F?” ~ PoppyStaff
Weddings are lovely, really.
Wonderful food, the whole family being together.
But maybe it’s time we re-assess how vitally important the whole thing is.
It appears to be causing… problems.