Boundaries aren’t just about our personal space.
Sometimes, a boundary means defining how your time is spent or where you are comfortable going.
So, what happens when you’ve defined a boundary and others decide to ignore it entirely?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) reeeticus when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subreddit for judgment.
“WIBTA? Parents panned trip to Disney for my birthday without my input”
OP got right to the point.
“So my parents dropped this on me (22f) that they will take me to Disney with my younger sister (7-10) for my birthday in a couple of months.”
“They have already booked the Disney tickets.”
She then took a step back to give context.
“The problem is, I already told them around Christmas time that my fiancé and I didn’t want to go to Disney.”
“They mentioned that my sister hasn’t gone yet and left the conversation at that. They have done things like this before where they plan things for me without my consent, and it’s caused a lot of pain.”
“I do understand how I could be the AH since they’re paying for my trip AND flight, and how I may be privileged to go.”
“The issue I have with Disney is that I’m neurodivergent, and I have sensory issues (such as noise bothering me and huge crowds).”
“If that wasn’t a big issue, I would probably go willingly, but if I have to, I can handle it.”
“Even if I choose to go, my fiancé won’t come with me which is also a big part of why I don’t want to go, but I don’t know if it’s right to feel that way.”
“I’m not sure if I would still go even if my fiancé wasn’t in the picture.”
“If I choose to go, it may also set the precedent that they can just keep planning these things.”
“If I do go, could I go without being miserable?”
OP was left wondering.
“I’m also not sure how to respond because my relationship with them has been strained since in the past they haven’t respected my boundaries.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some pointed out who this trip is for.
‘”They mentioned that my sister hasn’t gone yet and left the conversation at that.'”
“This trip isn’t for you.”
‘”I already told them around Christmas time that my fiancé and I didn’t want to go to Disney.'”
“See what I mean?” ~ diminishingpatience
“Literally, this comment, OP’s story sounds so much like my parents.”
“They make you think they’re doing something for you, just for them to have an excuse to do this other thing for someone else” ~ Ok_Butterscotch9839
“They want this for your little sister, not for you. It’s manipulative to use your birthday as a cover.”
“Don’t go if you don’t want to. They can let your sister bring a friend in your place.” ~ Weekly-Bumblebee6348
“And it’s OP’S birthday gift.”
“Thanks for nothing!”
“NTA. Don’t go.”
“You will be miserable, and they won’t care. They will try to force you to do things you don’t want To do. By going, they will continue to plan things for you without considering you at all.” ~ babcock27
This led to the sharing of personal stories.
“Oof, I feel this.”
“I have medical issues that make it difficult for me to travel, and every time I got invited somewhere by my family I’d say”
‘That sounds fun, but I can’t go because abc, ghi, xyz would make it difficult for me to enjoy it and probably put a lot of stress on me and other people having to plan around my medical issues.'”
“To get hours of yelling and being told I’m ungrateful for politely declining and giving several good reasons why”
“Definitely NTA OP” ~ BPD-and-Lipstick
“I feel so seen right now! My mum gave me CDs of bands I don’t like, but members of the family did and immediately requested to make copies for them.” ~ Occasional-AH
“My mother would give me toys that I’d yearned for years earlier, was way too old for (example: Tinker Toys and Lincoln Logs for a twelve-year-old).”
“And then insist, once unwrapped, that I give them at once to my much-younger sister.”
“We are well into middle age, and social media confirms that younger sister still smirks in the same mean way.” ~ AffectionatePoet4586
Commenters pointed out how uncaring these parents seem.
“So either the parents are completely uncaring or total idiots too oblivious to realize taking a neurodivergent person to a loud, crowded, totally overstimulating theme park is just about the worse birthday present they could get.”
“Then again, they’ve all but spelled out that the trip isn’t actually about you anyways.”
“I really don’t think you should go.”
“I could see attempting to suck it up and go if it was a trip for your sister’s birthday, but generally, the birthday trip should be something the birthday girl/boy actually likes.”
“Maybe just tell them you’re sorry, but your fiancé already planned (or surprised you with) a trip for just the two of you that week.”
“Tell them you appreciate the thought, but you’re really excited about the plans you guys have, but they can go and have a wonderful time.”
“Ask them why they planned the specific trip you said you absolutely didn’t want for your birthday?”
“If their answer is anything about your sister or some version of ‘oh everyone wants to go to Disney’ tell them you’re not ‘everyone else’ and your birthday celebration is supposed to actually be about you.”
“Whatever you do, you’re most definitely NTA.”
“They planned a trip they knew you would absolutely hate for your birthday. I honestly don’t even know what to do with that.”
“The only thing I can say is you are 22- a legal adult- and you have people beyond your bio family you can lean on. You have your fiancé, and I’m sure you have friends.”
“I’m not saying you need to go all NC or anything like that, but a bit of space from these people would probably be good.” ~ acegirl1985
Some took the opportunity to share their thoughts on Disney itself.
“Plus, Disney sucks.”
“I hated it when I was 11, and now I’m 45, and my friends and family keep trying to rope me into going with them with the enticing allure of ‘You can DRINK at Disney now!!!”‘
“I can drink at home for much cheaper while not surrounded by horrible people and then use my savings to go to Iceland (coming up in May!!!)”
“If Disneyland isn’t for you, then you’ll dislike it, plus you’ll end up doing the rides/activities suitable for your younger sibling and not anything age-appropriate for yourself.” ~ Fromashination
“I didn’t get to go to Disney World until I was 15, and after spending my whole life up to that point going to Cedar Point.”
“I found Disney incredibly underwhelming for the number of people that were there. Most of it was standing in lines and looking at things, and I can look at things wherever I am without having to stand in line. 🤷🏼♀️” ~ JesusGodLeah
Some thought there might be ulterior motives.
“As a Disney Adult, I find OPs parents behavior so wrong.”
“They booked a trip to Disney and are using OP as the excuse when they didn’t need one.”
“If someone wants to go to Disney, they can figure out a way to do it without using someone else as an excuse.”
“Part of me wonders if they are doing it this way to have OP get a DAS pass.”
“(Disability pass often given to those who have some sort of issue with waiting in lines due to things like sensory processing)”
“Just so they can then skip the line since OP is there regardless of what she wants, which, if the case, is even grosser.”
“OP – You could totally go and find a way to have fun, but honestly, I wouldn’t go, nor would I view this in any way as a birthday gift to you.”
“This is a trip for your parents and sister, and they are trying to manipulate you into going.”
“Just politely decline and tell them you hope they have a great time on their trip. You not going shouldn’t affect them not going at all, and if it does, that is a them issue NTA” ~ sleepygrumpydoc
“<<You not going shouldn’t affect them not going at all>>”
“It will affect them if they planned on her corralling the kid and going on the rides.” ~ Blacksmithforge3241
Defining a boundary is important, but respecting one can be vital.
In this instance, the issue isn’t just that OP”s wishes were ignored but that they were ignored intentionally.
Adhering to a boundary isn’t just for everyone else. Though, it can be difficult to enforce a boundary you’ve created.
The first person who has to consent to and acknowledge your boundaries is you.