Redditor montanafesto is a stepmom to her significant other’s daughter who is graduating.
When the stepdaughter’s mother failed to “secure a venue” to hold a graduation party, our Redditor stepped up and made arrangements to ensure her stepdaughter would have a memorable celebration.
The issue, however, was who was on the guest list to attend the party.
After being informed about the eye-opening information, she made a stand that might be met with opposition.
This led her to the “Would I Be the A**hole?” (WIBTA) subReddit, where she asked:
“WIBTA if I refused to help with my partner’s daughter’s grad party after I’ve been banned from attending?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My long-time partner has been divorced for years. The divorce was acrimonious and he and his ex-wife do not get along.”
“We’ve been asked to host their daughter’s graduation party at our home because my partner’s ex dropped the ball and failed to secure the venue.”
“I spent a week planning the party, making arrangements, and ordering materials to make her vision a reality.”
“A week later, she informed us that my presence would anger her mother, and under no circumstances could I attend the party being held at my home (in our shop).”
“I am expected, however; to devote my time and creative talents to making her graduation party beautiful.”
“WIBTA if I refused to plan, organize and decorate for this party?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP would not be the a**hole here.
“NTA Who asks someone to plan AND host a party they can’t attend? do they plan to cover all displayed photos of you in your home as well? I also assume you’re not being paid for Any of this.”
“How is your partner ok with you being treated this way?” – NuSheol
“Don’t. Don’t do a thing. Your husband needs to put his foot down, it he gets to deal with his daughter’s party.”
“NTA but his daughter is; 18 is old enough to know that you don’t exclude people from a party unless there’s a valid reason, and that those excluded are under no obligation to contribute. I’d be taking a second look at the husband with no spine though!” – _cafe_bustelo_
“NTA I would stop all planning and remove any financial assistance you were making too.”
“Let both your partner and his daughter know that everything is on them, and that you will remove yourself as requested. Cancel anything that had been booked, leave it to them and take yourself out on that night.”
“Book yourself a nice hotel room, have a great dinner and turn off your phone. Have a night to yourself.” – gjwtgf
“Your house and you can’t attend? I’m sorry but you need to tell them to f’k off and find a new venue.”
“Sure the mum didn’t just deliberately not book a venue so they could avoid the expense and use your house? Nta.” – Bt1841995
“The relationship is not so great if he refuses to support you on this.”
“He’s the one throwing the relationship away by not standing up to his a**hole ex and daughter. Run away from this train wreck as fast as you can NTA.” – ZookeepergameBorn937
“You are too good for this kind of bullsh*t and disrespect. Your partner is the issue for enabling his daughters behaviour. He is spineless and because he knows you are timid he dares to walk all over your feelings.”
“You have to speak up and show that you won’t allow yourself to be treated that way. Sit him and his daughter down. Make it clear that there will be consequences for their actions.” – AbenaGH0209M3
“NTA. Honestly I’m petty as f’k. If my partner wanted to agree to banish me from my own fucking house, you best believe I’m not coming back.”
“And f’k doing the decor. F’k it. The f’king audacity! Your partner’s ex has poisoned the kids’ minds and your partner is failing you as a partner by doing nothing but facilitating ex’s diabolical whims.”
“ETA: after reading through some of your comments on other threads, I’d say this is definitely a hill worth dying on. If I knew you IRL, I’d join you in battle on said hill.”
“Your partner has no respect for you as an equal. He is the biggest a**hole in all of this as he is the one who owes you the respect and consideration to refuse to go along with this.”
“This is just the graduation, but what happens when the kids get married?! He’s setting the precedent that you’re not part of his family and therefore you don’t deserve to be around.”
“You don’t make up for ‘only seeing your kids 4 times a month’ by taking advantage of your current partner and making them a glorified party planner to a party you’ve banned them from attending.”
“And correct me if I’m wrong but the daughter isn’t graduating f’king kindergarten, so she’s at least 18 and an adult. She conspired to get you to spend your time, money and efforts to plan a party knowing they never planned to invite you after her mother conveniently ‘forgot to book a venue.'”
“As I said earlier, f’k that. Grow the balls your partner doesn’t seem to possess and get the f’k out of there.” – SleepDangerous1074
“NTA. My options would be, A Do absolutely nothing else for the party, B throw away all the material I bought for the party, C show up at the party, D stay home and have my own party with very loud music and invite everyone I can, E tell my partner to f’k him and his ex-wife and daughter and end this relationship.”
“NTA. Your ‘partner’ didn’t really get a divorce. His behaviour is disgusting. Completely spineless. Under no circumstances would I host a party or invest anything in it AT ALL.”
“And I would take a long close look at your so called ‘partner.'” – rabbithole-xyz
“Tell her that her mother’s presence in your home will anger you but you are willing to put up with it for her sake but if her mother can’t cope not then she is welcome to organise and host the party herself.”
“But explain that you will not be disrespected by being told to leave your home after spending so long setting up something for her benefit. NTA. The f’king audacity to watch you work for a week before telling you is mind blowing.”
“She thought you wouldn’t want to have wasted that time so would leave. She thought wrong.” – Wetnosedcretin
“NTA – the daughter has the audacity to use your venue and give you an ultimatum that you can’t attend it despite all your planning? Plus, does your partner know about this? Is he not going to stand up for you?”
“Man if I were you I’d pull the rug from the venue and tell them ‘if my presence will anger your mother, I’m guessing my house which contains many of my belongings will probably irritate her as well, go find another place.'” – ThomzLC
“Please love yourself enough to know that it is your husband allowing this disrespect. The ex-wife can attempt whatever tactics she chooses. I think you are confusing allowing yourself to be used, manipulated, and emotionally blackmailed with supporting your husband in loving his daughter.”
“They can hire a party planner instead of using an uninvited loved one to do the labor and watch the ball from afar. This isn’t a reflection on you. This is a reflection on them!!”
“Next, you’ll be conscripted into hard labor for engagement and wedding parties (not invited), gender reveal parties (not invited), grandchildren birthday parties (not invited), etc.”
“DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF!! Stop EVERYTHING! Return what decorations you can, and use the rest on a gathering for yourself (as another poster suggested) in the main house.”
“It sucks to realize that your husband doesn’t love you enough to expect basic humanity and respect towards you but letting him continue to wipe his feet on you won’t secure the love and respect you desire and deserve from him. PLEASE at least give it to yourself!!”
“NTA.” – RedForTheWin
“NTA, It’s at your house. What are you meant to do go above and beyond when her mother didn’t bother and then leave the comfort of your own home or sit in your room for hours? Nope not today satan.” – Vivid-Rent7730
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was in a ridiculous situation and they admonished her significant other for not having a backbone.
When Redditors suggested she return everything she purchase for the party, she explained:
“I tried. I ordered so many things, but my partner paid for them. He told me I couldn’t send them back. I do feel abused.”
In an update, the OP appeared to have come up with a solution.
“In our home, next door to this boring party, all of my best girlfriends and I will be consuming the food I had planned for the party, while dressed in LBDs, drinking champagne, and contemplating my future.”
Cheers.