When a friend or family member wants to throw a party or celebration in your honor, it can be something of a blessing and a curse.
Of course, it’s very generous for someone to take the time to celebrate you.
Sometimes, however, the motives of the people throwing the party are not as generous or honorable as they may seem.
The mother-in-law (MIL) of Redditor Awkward_Nerve6154 was very excited about becoming a grandmother for the first time.
As many future grandmothers do, she wanted to throw the original poster (OP) at a baby shower.
However, the resulting baby shower left the OP feeling anything but grateful and instead resulted in her and her husband banning her MIL from seeing her incoming grandchild.
Wondering if they were being too dramatic, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my MIL she won’t be seeing my baby after throwing a baby shower for herself?”
The OP explained why she found the baby shower her MIL threw anything but generous:
“My husband and I are expecting our first child.”
“We moved to be closer to his family.”
“I’m no contact with mine.”
“My mother in law has been referring to the baby as ‘her’ baby this entire time.”
“She will say things like ‘I can’t wait for my baby to be born’.”
“‘My baby is going to be so loved’.”
“This rubs me the wrong way for reasons I cannot explain, but my husband tells me to ignore her.”
“My MIL wanted to throw me a baby shower and invite her friends.”
“She said they made an agreement a long time ago that they would celebrate each other’s kids’ weddings and births.”
“My husband and I eloped and declined a reception for her friends since we don’t know them.”
“My MIL told me that I owed it to her to let her throw the baby shower since I hurt her friends’ feelings by not having wedding reception.”
“I asked if I could invite my friends, and she said no, that this was for her friends, and that if my friends wanted to throw me a shower they could.”
“I reluctantly agreed.”
“My husband and I spent hours on our registry, and my MIL asked for it so she could share with her friends.”
“She said she forwarded the registry on.”
“She asked me what design I wanted on my cake and cookies.”
“I told her flowers because I am decorating the nursery in a garden theme.”
“At the shower they provided me with a ‘mother to be’ sash and my MIL a ‘granny to be’ sash to wear.”
“I noticed that the theme of the shower was circus animals.”
“The cake had an elephant and balloons on it, and the cookies were animals.”
“At first I thought that maybe the floral theme was just too difficult, so I rolled with it until it was time to open presents.”
“Every present was some sort of circus animal.”
“Onesies, blankets, toys – nothing on my registry.”
“I was a little confused and even went so far to check my registry to make sure I hadn’t goofed up and changed everything.”
“I thanked everyone for their gifts and tried to sound as gracious as possible, but I was so confused.”
“My husband, who is a little less tactful than I am, showed up at the end of the shower and noticed the theme right away.”
“He goes ‘what’s up with all the circus animals?'”
“He looks at the presents and says, ‘This isn’t what we asked for’.”
“Then he looked at his mom and goes “MOM. What did you do?'”
“She smiled and said, ‘I didn’t like the theme you chose for my baby’.”
“‘I’m going to decorate my baby’s nursery at my house with circus animals, so I created a registry for myself’.”
“My husband said, ‘YOU DID WHAT?'”
“She says, ‘My baby is going to need a room at my house, so I threw a shower for myself’.”
“I lost my composure and told her that she would not see MY baby and to stop calling the baby hers, and my husband told his mom that she’s delusional if she thinks we’re going to allow this’.”
“‘She started crying and said we are just withholding her baby from her.'”
“We’ve been getting texts from his family since the shower, calling us selfish and ungrateful and saying we ruined her joy of being a grandma.”
“Are we the AH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for banning her MIL from seeing her baby.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s MIL was selfish but also worrisome, with many urging the OP to get her MIL professionally evaluated and others urging her and her husband not only to ban her MIL from seeing her baby but also to increase security at their home.
“NTA.”
“Make sure if she has keys to your home locks are changed.”
“Make sure you invest in security cameras.”
“Let the hospital know your mil is to be nowhere near your baby.”
“Let them know you and your husband are the only two that fill out any paperwork.”
“Honestly no contact from the start that away she has no grandparents visitation case.”
“Document every creepy thing she does.”
“Call your DR and tell your pediatrician at the time to password to protect your medical information.”
“Your mil is unhinged, and this has hands that rock the cradle vibes.”- Wonderful-Set6647
“What the heck did I just read?”
“Like… Just how creepy can your MIL get?”
“She’s pretty much trying to steal your child from you, so heck no, you’re obviously NTA.”
“There is nothing wrong with a (good) grandmother expecting her grandchild to come over for sleepovers.”
“There is nothing wrong with a grandmother to prepare a bedroom for that.”
“There is nothing wrong with a grandmother deciding the theme for that room.”
“But your MIL took it to an unacceptable level of creepiness.”
“She had no right to throw a ‘baby shower’ ‘for herself’.”
“That is NOT what baby showers are for.”
“If she wanted gifts from her friends, fine, but she:”
“Should have been honest upfront.”
“Shouldn’t have called it a baby shower.”
“Shouldn’t have led you to believe you’d receive gifts from your registry.”
“Likewise, she had no right to put herself at the same level as you with those sashes.”
“Most of all, she absolutely has no right to call your baby hers, and that BS needs to stop.”
“This is decidedly NOT about her being a grandmother, and that’s precisely the issue at hand.”
“She doesn’t see herself as a grandmother.”
“She sees herself as your baby’s mother, or at least at the same level as you.”
“And that is NOT okay.”
“Cheers to your husband for finally stepping in.”
“He should have trusted your intuition, but at least he’s now taking your side.”- Pondering-Out-Loud
“Ah, you have one of those MILs.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t need or deserve this crap.”
“I’m glad your husband is handling this because it’s so much worse when you’re on your own.”
“My husband got his mom to stop with the ‘my baby’ by repeatedly answering all of her statements as himself.”
“’Im doing great mom, thanks for your concern’.”
“’I’m not sure when you’ll get to see me next; I’m pretty busy with my newborn.'”
“And on and on.”
“It took about three weeks but she finally gave up and started correctly referring to her grandchild.”
“Plus a few discussions about how if she wants a solid relationship with her grandchildren, she needs to remember her role as a grandparent.”
“We both grew up very close to our grandparents and fully support our kids having the same, but only if the relationship is actually benefitting our kids.”
“And stressed-out parents don’t benefit our kids.”
“They’re adorable and charming. We can find other people who’d love to fulfill a grandparent role in their lives if our parents can’t manage to be a healthy influence.”- flyingpinkjellyfish
“What the actual hell is with grandmothers on Reddit trying to either steal babies or steal their own sons away from their spouses!?!”
“It’s so freaking creepy and absolutely insane.”
“NTA.”
“This woman is not in a healthy enough headspace to be anywhere near your child.”
“I’d be afraid for the baby’s safety.”- StacyB125
“My husband’s mum became as unhinged as this when we got pregnant.”
“It began with her telling us she’d come to stay for a month before to ensure she is at the birth of her baby.”
“We hadn’t invited her nor wanted her at the birth.”
“We were then told she’d stay a couple of months after to bond with her baby and get them set up on her routine.”
“We were being told how we would raise the baby, and only she had a say.”
“It was making my husband sick, and this was not long after letting them back into our lives.”
“He told her it had to stop, or we couldn’t have a relationship as it was making him ill.”
“She went mad, and of course, she wants to blame, and it’s insane to think we, the parents, would have a say.”
“So he cut them off totally.”
“You know what? He was relieved once he did it, but it did take him therapy and time to mentally get over how sick she’d made him.”
“He was always clear that our lives would have been hell, and it would never have gotten better if we hadn’t stopped her.”
“That he was glad we could just concentrate on ourselves and baby and just being new parents.”
“You are doing the right thing a need to block her access to all social media as a monitor who can see your posts.”
“Last thing you want is her using that to stalk you or post pictures and info online about your baby.”
“I’d also set up security cameras around your home.”
“If you use a babysitter or daycare, make sure to warn them about her.”
“That she could try and take your child and is never to be allowed near.”
“If she shows up, they’ve to call the police.”
“This is not overkill. This is a woman who thinks she’s fully entitled to your baby and that she will be the mother.”
“Heck no.”- Sweet-Interview5620
Few would argue that grandparents love their grandchildren as much or more than the child’s parents.
Even so, the way the OP’s MIL constantly referred to her unborn grandchild as “My Baby” is concerning, to say the least.
Especially after the way she completely infiltrated the baby shower she claimed to be throwing for the OP.
It seems clear that if she ever wants to meet her grandchild, she will need some fairly serious help.