Being a best friend can be just as difficult as being a life partner. There are ups and downs and sideways that lead feelings all over the map.
Sometimes the one person you thought you knew best or who you counted on most, changes the dynamics.
And talking it out can be… awkward.
Case in point…
Our Redditor MysteriousOption3067 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for asking my best friend why she didn’t invite me to her birthday party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (20 F[emale]) have a best friend named Chelsey (21 F[emale]).”
“We’ve been best friends since we were 12. We’re very different people in terms that I’m an extrovert and she’s an introvert.”
“Making friends is not the easiest for her because of this, but I’ve always made it a priority for her to know I’m always there for her.”
“She obviously has other friends, but in new settings she’s shy.”
“Throughout the years in either of our b[irth}days we’ve made it a priority to have each other there, no matter if the celebration was small/big.”
“Even in the pandemic, when I had my bday, I invited close friends to my house and she was obviously one of the people I wanted there the most.”
“Because we’re both in college and I have health issues, we haven’t spoken a lot, but that’s never been an issue because we each are busy and we’ve never let that hurt the friendship.”
“A few weeks ago was her bday, and the weekend prior to it I saw on her Instagram story a get together with some people but I didn’t think anything of it, she seemed happy and I was glad for her, it was nice seeing her making new friendships.”
“On her bday I texted her a whole paragraph and she answered very like ‘meh.’ On Inatagram I saw that people posted the pictures of the past weekend at the get together, but now there were videos of them singing her happy bday with a cake, hugging, etc.”
“I asked her if everything was alright because whenever I feel something’s off I prefer to talk it out.”
“She said that everything was fine and that if it wasn’t she would tell me.”
“Then I sent her a text saying that I just wanted to make sure since I noticed everything.”
“I just mentioned that we had always made having each other present for our bdays a priority.”
“She said that it was just a small plan, she invited 6 people and 3 more just swung by to say hi, that she didn’t want to make her bday a problem, that I should chill and that she could see me some other day.”
“I was shocked because it felt like she shut me down.”
“I apologized, told her that it was never my intention to make her bday a problem.”
“And I wasn’t mad, just sad since I had a bday present for her, that I prefer to talk things out and that I never meant for it to seem like I was angry at her, just felt pushed aside for something we always included each other in.”
“She answered that sorry she made me feel this way and that it wasn’t her intention I asked my b[est] f[riend] if I was out of line in any point of the conversation, and he said I wasn’t and that he knows Chelsey and her response seemed very odd.”
“A friend of mine said she responded to me as if I was an acquaintance asking to go to a party, instead of an almost 9 year old sister like friendship feeling sad that she didn’t even consider telling me to swing by to see her on her bday.”
“So AITA in this situation?”
Redditors had no issue sharing their thoughts on this matter by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors felt our OP was NOT the a**hole.
So let’s take a deep dive into everyone’s thoughts.
“NTA”
“Welcome to your early 20s when people figure out who they are while their friends do the same.” ~ nickfarr
“I feel like you are reading too much into this. However, I don’t know how you guys normally talk and act with each other.”
“I know with my close friends, we kind of ceased communication in college (different cities), then we reconnect sometimes during breaks.”
“Then after college, we started talking a lot more often.” ~ silliputti0907
“Even if you both are best friends life happens.”
“My best friend will get his second child soon and I am child free, so I am prepared that soon he will drop me completely.”
“It is sad, but such is life.” ~battousaidedo
“NTA, it does seem like she is drawing back from your friendship.” ~ PattersonsOlady
“NAH”
“Friendships are sometimes complicated.”
She might have just wanted to keep this friend group separate from you – maybe because she didn’t think you’d fit together – you said yourself you have different personalities.”
“Or maybe she just didn’t want to share them with you.”
“It’s definitely OK to have friends together and separately and it’s her decision who she wants to spend her birthday with.”
“You obviously care a lot about her but you also sound a little condescending.”
“I hope your friendship can survive. If not – be happy for the times you had.” ~ ReaSiluz
“NTA. Whatever Chelsey’s issue is she doesn’t want to talk about it with you.”
“You’ve tried and she’s shut you down. Unfortunately not much you can do about it. Sometimes friends just grow apart.”
“You mentioned that you are an extrovert and Chelsey is an introvert, do you think jealousy could be playing a part?”
“Or you’ve unintentionally overshadowed her in the past?”
“I’m not saying you’ve done anything wrong. But if you’ve very outgoing and bubbly and she’s quite shy and reserved.”
“She may feel you’re taking her limelight.” ~ Staricakes
“NTA, but this is a very clear sign she don’t wanna be friends anymore.”
“I wouldn’t bother following up or asking what’s wrong. She made a conscious decision to not invite you knowing you’d see her birthday posts.”
“Not sure if she felt like things were just drifting apart or not but whatever her reason, don’t push for it.”
“She’s already shut you down and said no. I’d leave it at that and keep things cordial or see if she reaches out to actually hang out or talk.” ~ SilhouetteCommenter
“NTA. I was ghosted by my ex best friend of 13 years.”
“It was sad and it hurt because she was the only one I truly felt comfortable with and I thought that she also viewed me as the same.”
“But unfortunately that wasn’t the case.”
“It will take some time to completely move on but people come and go. I hope you feel better!” ~ sanji2x5
“NTA. But you need to open your eyes to the situation.”
“She no longer views you as a close friend, or even a friend at all.”
“She has more than likely put you into the acquaintance category. The sooner you realize this, the better off you will be.”
“It really sucks but these things happen in your 20s as people form new friendships, and leave some old friendships behind.” ~ guylefleur
Our OP circled back and reached out to everyone who had something to say.
She wrote:
“Thank you so much!!”
“I just wanted to say, I do know people drift apart and friendships end up drifting apart sometimes.”
“I was just sad because this is one of the only 2 friendships I was able to keep after basically my parents, brother and I almost died several times in a period of 1 year and a half when I was a teen.”
“I had to grow up very fast and lost the possibility to just be a dramatic teen to having the hospital as my second home, so obviously everything in my life changed, but she had stayed.”
“I guess I’ll just have to remember her dearly and hold a lot of gratitude for her, but also accept maybe we did end up being just casual friends.”
Cheers to the good times we have together, no matter what.
Life happens. We all go in different directions.
It hurts.
Hopefully these two figure out where they’re at as friends with everyone’s feelings intact.