No one should live in constant pain.
It’s so hard not to complain when you are suffering and not feeling well. But, how much complaining is too much?
At one point you just have to get up and do something about it.
Redditor juniperdaisies encountered this very issue with her boyfriend. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for telling my boyfriend to stop complaining about his chronic pain?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (25F) boyfriend (25M) and I have been together for 4 years and lived together for 2 years. We get along really well and don’t fight very often, and I think that’s because we’re both pretty honest but have the other person’s best interest in mind.”
“My boyfriend works a physically demanding job but he likes it.”
“About 6 months ago, he started complaining about his back hurting in the mornings. It’s gotten progressively worse, to the point where he’s constantly complaining about his back and now it’s progressed to his back and neck hurting so badly he has trouble getting up in the mornings.”
“I’ve tried to offer solutions and support for him.”
“I rub his back pretty often and I’ve encouraged him to stretch or do yoga with me. I’ve offered to pay for him to get a massage, and found Groupons for him to see a chiropractor if he wants. Lately I’ve really been encouraging him to go to the doctor since it seems to be getting worse (he has not great insurance, but he does have insurance). He never acts on any of the advice or offers.”
OP hasn’t been feeling great either.
“Lately my arthritis in my hands has been flaring up so I haven’t been rubbing his back as much.”
“This week he’s been complaining about the pain nonstop, and this morning I snapped at him. I told him he either needs to do something to try and help himself or he needs to stop complaining about it. I told him I’m getting tired of hearing the whining when he won’t try and help himself.”
“He was pretty offended and told me he’s in a lot of pain.”
“I feel like I might be the AH because I know chronic pain is a lot to handle. I’m just getting tired of him complaining when he literally has not done a thing to try and feel better. I’m worried I was too harsh because we both have pretty thick skin and can usually handle honesty but he’s pretty upset.”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
OP added some edits.
“Edit: there have been a couple comments about my arthritis and it’s definitely not that bad! Just applying enough pressure to give a good massage gets painful if it’s flaring up. It doesn’t hinder my daily activities yet.”
“Edit2: wasn’t expecting this to get traction! Thanks for the tips everyone. At the end of the day I am just worried about him. We talked it out a bit on the phone over lunch and it’s all good, but I’m going to have a more sit down conversation with him later.”
“I also completely forgot until someone mentioned this, but our mattress is old and we are planning on replacing it. Of course we haven’t gotten around to it yet though. Part of the convo for later I guess.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.