No one is ever truly excited when entering a hospital.
True, being in a hospital doesn’t always mean there’s something seriously wrong with you, and sometimes the outcome of being in a hospital is a truly joyous one, such as childbirth.
But no matter the reason, checking in is always a bit stress inducing, and as such one wants to have a support system of friends or family with you while you’re there.
One would also think that those same loved ones would appreciate any and all updates of your time spent in the hospital.
Redditor Potential_Ad_241 had an unexpected night in the hospital, and alerted her boyfriend of all that transpired.
But her boyfriend was anything but grateful for the updates, even putting their relationship on the rocks.
Worried that she was being thoughtless or insensitive to her boyfriend, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for sending my boyfriend a photo of me at the hospital?”
The OP explained how her decision to keep her boyfriend up to date after being hospitalized was anything but appreciated.
“I (20 F[emale]) was recently admitted into a hospital for a night due to a serious but not life-threatening illness.”
“I was completely out of it for several days with horrible pain before my roommate convinced me to get medical help.”
“She took off work to stay with me in the hospital and I cannot express how much her support has helped as my own family lives too far away.”
“Now I’ve been dating Sam (19 M[ale]) for about nine months.”
“He knew I was sick and so I texted him when I was first going into the hospital to update him.”
“Since he was working he didn’t read the message until much later.”
“I sent him around 6 texts updating him with what the nurses were saying and including a photo of me on IV giving a thumbs up.”
“It was my first time ever in the hospital and I just wanted to keep the shitty situation as light-hearted as possible.”
“He responded a few hours later with a thumbs up and that was all.”
“I asked if everything was all right and he said ‘yeah just you being in the hospital is giving me a lot of anxiety, I’d rather not see you looking like that’.”
“I told him that was okay and didn’t message him for the rest of the night, not thinking much of it.”
“The next afternoon his mom called me asking if I was okay.”
“She had the impression that I sent him the hospital photo after he told me not to share any information and was disrespecting his request.”
“She reminded me that his grandfather only died a year earlier where Sam had to spend a lot of time in and out of the hospital so the updates were making him grieve all over again.”
“I apologized to her and sent him a text saying that I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings.”
“He left me on read.”
“My roommate thinks I didn’t do anything wrong at all and he’s being too sensitive/immature for involving his mom.”
“Personally I think this is a bit unfair as he was really close with his grandfather and struggles with anxiety.”
“I feel really really guilty as I know how mental health can be and never want him to suffer.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP did nothing wrong by sending her boyfriend a selfie from the hospital, and was not the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone tended to agree with the OP’s friend that her boyfriend was overreacting, with many pointing out how he and his mother made the OP’s scary and difficult situation all about them.
“It’s like lobsters.”
“You’ve just measured him, he’s not grown enough, put him back in the sea.”
“I had one bf, he was 26 at the time, who visited me ONCE when I was in hospital for a week.”
“We’d been together 2 years and were living together.”
“We didn’t last.”
“My next bf was 21 when I was hospitalized, I was between their ages, on our first anniversary of meeting.”
“He was in the hospital with me holding the cardboard chuck-up trays and visited every day.”
“Both had difficult shift patterns.”
“I’m still with #2 now, nineteen years later.”
“You’re NTA, unless you break fishing law and don’t return the baby lobster to the sea.”- angels-and-insects
“His mom called you to say how disrespectful you are?”
“While you’re recovering in the hospital, damn that’s a new one.”
“You would have had to be told to not share pictures or any more messages/pics before not considering his feelings.”
“Life is tough and you were reaching out for support.”- Voidg
“NTA and please leave your BF, and his mother.”
“He’s more concerned about his feelings than about how you are doing.”
“He didn’t even ask how you were or hope you felt better or anything.”
“I want to write something else very rude here.”
“You’re in a hospital bed for the first time ever, in pain, and you shouldn’t be the one worrying about him suffering!”
“Rethink your priorities and what you want in a BF.”- ParsimoniousSalad
“This guy isn’t ready to be an adult, let alone in a relationship.’
“You were in the hospital and rather than expressing concern, he talked about his own anxiety, and then he sent his mommy after you?”
“He’s not ready for a relationship.”- Sufficient_Cat
“He is TA on two counts, completely abandoning you when it is your first time in the hospital, and involving his mom.”
“Partners in a relationship should be able to lean on each other for support.”
“You being hospitalized is a case where you should 100% be able to lean on your partner, his reaction comes across as really immature.”- und3t3cted
“He told his mommy on you?”
“This is not the guy.”
“Leave him on read.”
“Is this the first time in your nine month relationship that his mother got involved?”
“I hope you are feeling better.”- ZestyShoePrint
“I would not continue dating this man, good lord.”
“Part of being in a serious relationship means helping the other person when things are bad which may in fact mean supporting them if they end up in the hospital.”
“If his grief is so severe that he can’t manage to do something so basic as providing emotional support to his seriously Ill partner then I feel bad for him but he needs to work this through with a professional or support group.”- veganvampirebat
“Any struggles you have in the future, you will be 100% on your own if you stay with this guy.”
“Someone who can’t be supportive of his girlfriend in the hospital is not life partner material.”
“Anxiety is no excuse.”
“Who doesn’t have anxiety?”
“Mature adults put old bad memories aside and deal with the present when it involves our loved on in the hospital.”- OkHistory3944
“Your roommate is right!”
“You didn’t do anything wrong and not only he ignored you, he tattered to his mom.”
“That’s a huge red banner, not a flag.”
“Think wether there’s a point of having such a boyfriend.”- Ok_Yesterday_6214
The OP later gave an update that she did eventually hear back from her boyfriend, though his message was not a particularly happy one.
“This morning I woke up to a text from Sam asking for a break.”
“He told me he needed to focus on himself and that ‘there is too much drama in this relationship’.”
“I’ve been with Sam through all of his anxiety attacks, holding him crying in my arms more times than I can count.”
“He has never done the same for me.”
“I’ve made excuses over and over again for this behavior.”
“I’ve begged him to go to therapy and he’s always refused.”
“This hospital stay, and your comments, have been eye-opening.”
“Oh and his mom?”
“’She reminded me to let go of my feeling and do what’s best for me’.”
“‘I’m starting up therapy bc i’ll be needing the support when you’re gone’.”
“I actually laughed out loud at that one.”
“She hasn’t reached out to me yet and I hope she never does.”
“My roommate and I are figuring out how to end things once and for all.”
“So yep, that’s it for now.”
“Feeling a lot of emotions but I know it’s for the best.”
It’s pretty sad that what was already a scary and unsettling experience should end in such an unhappy manner.
But hopefully, the OP will now be able to find a boyfriend who shows care and concern for her when she needs it.
And won’t make her situation all about himself.