Most of us have a certain sense of style that makes us feel the most comfortable and attractive, like particular types of jeans or t-shirt cuts.
When those clothing items go “out of style,” it can be really hard to keep presenting ourselves in the way we’re the most happy with, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor catch_perfect’s issue wasn’t so much continuing to shop for one of her favorite clothing items, skinny jeans, but how one of her friends picked on her for losing her fashion sense.
When her friend started to make her feel uncomfortable around other people, the Original Poster (OP) decided it was time to speak up.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for accidentally fat-shaming my friend?”
The OP and her friend both enjoyed fashion but in different styles.
“Julia (25 Female) and I (25 Female) have been friends for years, and we both like fashion a lot.”
“Julia is a self-proclaimed ‘style dictator’ and often says my style is boring, but I like it so I don’t care.”
“She’s now in her ‘TikTok era’ (her words), so she’s been buying lots of clothes to fit this aesthetic. I think the colorful vibe suits her, and I can tell she feels really confident.”
“I compliment her whenever we go out, and she always appreciates it.”
“As for me, I have been on a no-buy ban since January. It was one of my goals for 2022 and I’m really proud I’ve stuck to it.”
“Recently, I have rediscovered a love for my skinny jeans. I find them really comfortable, they go great with tall boots, and they keep my legs warm (which is something I struggle with).”
“Well, Julia hates them and doesn’t make much of an effort to hide it.”
“She’s obviously allowed not to like them, but her remarks got tiring after a while. I started avoiding wearing them around her to avoid having to hear about how they’re ‘cheugy’ and ugly.”
The OP thought she was in the clear to wear them around other friends.
“Yesterday, I met up with a few friends for sushi. Julia doesn’t like sushi, so she said she’d sit this one out.”
“One of the guys invited us to his house for board games. He posted it on his story and Julia DM’d him, asking if she and her sister could come. We all said yes.”
“The first thing Julia commented on when she arrived was my jeans; I laughed it off and changed the topic.”
“Later, someone started talking about dinosaurs and Julia said skinny jeans were also prehistoric.”
“I again changed the topic but was starting to feel self-conscious about my outfit.”
“After several comments about my skinny jeans being ugly and unfashionable, I tried to make her drop it by jokingly saying, ‘Just because you can’t pull them off doesn’t mean they’re ugly.'”
“I thought the conversation would end there, but instead, she got upset and started screaming at me for being an inconsiderate and insensitive b***h, and how dare I fat-shame her in front of everyone.”
“She locked herself in the bathroom, with her sister chasing after her.”
The OP was mortified by the message Julia thought she was trying to send.
“Basically, Julia thought I meant that she couldn’t pull them off because she’s fat. I was horrified she would think that, so I went to apologize that it came off that way and that it wasn’t my intention.”
“She yelled at me that it was a bullsh*t apology and to leave her alone, and that ‘being a skinny b***h’ (I’m not) doesn’t give me the right to be fatphobic.”
“I decided to go home to avoid spoiling the evening for the others and because I felt bad for hurting Julia. My friends are saying I shouldn’t have left and that she overreacted.”
“I messaged Julia to apologize again, and now I’m blocked.”
“I genuinely thought it was obvious that I was referring to style and not to her size.”
“I also would never be able to pull off some of the things she wears. I have my own body image struggles, so I would never dream to comment on anyone else’s body.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some recommended the OP distancing herself from this friendship.
“Consider her blocking you to be your way out of what you thought was a friendship, but really isn’t at all.”
“My daughter’s excellent therapist had a perfect argument for moving on from these unhealthy, boundaryless, lopsided ‘friendships.'”
“He would sum it up in two very simple sentences: ‘That well has been poisoned. Time to find another well.'”
“NTA.” – Ksharonmcg
“I had two friends like this. They were a couple of years younger than me and loved to make being gen Z their whole personality.”
“I’m on the cusp of Millennial and Gen-Z and don’t really care what people consider me, but these two loved to remind me how much I dressed and acted like a millennial, which in their mind meant bad.”
“They mocked me for wearing skinny jeans, for having a side part, all that fun stuff. I just let them do it and told myself they were only kidding.”
“Eventually they decided I was ‘too Millennial’ to be friends with, and dropped me.”
“It wasn’t until after that that I realized, ‘Hey wait, friends aren’t supposed to spend every day making you feel bad about yourself.'”
“NTA, OP, you deserve a way better friend than Julia.” – deaddlikelatin
“From an outsider looking in on this story, she’s a drama queen who set a trap. She made multiple comments about your skinny jeans. She was baiting you, she wanted the drama.”
“There was no way to defend your wardrobe choice against her bullying without her twisting your defense into a fat shaming moment. You have nothing to apologize for.” – vicki_chicki
“NTA and you have got to stop trying to make her feel better, the apologizing, and not wearing what you like because of her. She is not a friend she’s a bully who threw a tantrum because she can dish it but not take it.”
“Believe me when I say this. She will take and take from you and never give back. She seems very self-centred and a drama queen. Trust me I had two friends like this (notice the ‘had’). They bullied, mocked, and made me feel bad for everything until I had enough. Listen to your friends.” – hugatro
“I know a lot of people are telling you to cut her off, but I know from experience that emotionally that’s incredibly hard to do, especially if you haven’t done it before. And it’s even more complicated that, by the sounds of it, your social circles overlap.”
“Since it sounds like most of your friends are on your side, take your time with this one.”
“I think it’s pretty likely you’ll come to the same conclusion as a lot of people in these comments, but be gentle with yourself and take stock of all the emotions this friendship has made and is making, you feel. Put words to those emotions: write them down, and take stock.”
“Friends shouldn’t make you feel like this. You’ll know when you’re ready to make that call.”
“And know it gets easier every time. I spent years agonizing over cutting some friends out of my life. Now, I always know when it’s time to call the friendship quits and make my exit, and I trust my instincts.”
“I always choose me; you will, too. One day you’ll look up at all of the wonderful humans you’ve surrounded yourself with, and know that they’re there because you love and respect each other and want the best for each other. You’ll laugh so much, but never at each other’s expense. And you will have built that community, intentionally, and you’ll be so proud of yourself.”
“Rooting for you.” – vmmm16
Others pointed out the friend didn’t want to take responsibility for her actions.
“This friend is toxic. She put multiple digs at you and when you finally stopped her, she turns wailing victim and gaslights you without taking any responsibility for her own actions.”
“Stay civil, but slowly distance yourself. She will probably act up when she feels you being distant but trust me, it will pass.” – rubykowa
“Also, skinny jeans were, are, and always will be the sexiest pants ever if you can pull them off, and considering how insecure and jealous you made her, you obviously can. Nothing to feel self-conscious about.” – Beelzeboss3DG
“NTA.”
“Julia is the type to pick pick pick until you finally let loose (likely in front of people that haven’t seen the millions of pecks before so they think her comments are no big deal) and then she throws a fit, gets attention as a ‘victim,’ and has everyone paying attention to her and you apologizing.”
“Stop feeding the monster.” – StrangledInMoonlight
“Look, what you said clearly hit a nerve with her whether you meant to or just meant it in jest. What matters is you’ve recognized she was upset, apologized multiple times, and by the sounds of it sincerely.”
“NTA.”
“Also the phrase, ‘don’t dish it out if you can’t take it,’ comes to mind.” – LongjumpingCurve3911
“Don’t keep it in mind but cut her loose. Imagine how bad you felt for the ONE sentence you said which she took offense to.”
“Now imagine if you would have said ALL the negative sentences that she has said to you (not by mistake, on purpose) to her. You would feel horrible.”
“The reason that she doesn’t is that she doesn’t care. She does not care about hurting your feelings or pushing you down to push herself up.”
“One healthy aspect of getting older is to get wiser and make better decisions. For example, getting rid of people who truly don’t have positive intentions for you. Does not mean that you cut out people left right and center or lose someone over an argument. But when there are people who clearly do not care for you and who actually don’t mind doing you harm, then cut them out.”
“You will feel lighter and happier because you know inside that it’s right so when you respect yourself and stand up for yourself you will feel better too.” – Used_Grocery_9048
Not only did the subReddit appreciate the OP for continuing to wear the clothes she already owned and what made her feel comfortable, but they were also glad she had spoken up for herself in front of Julia.
By constantly commenting on her appearance, Julia was making it clear that they were not actually friends, and maybe one of the trends the OP shouldn’t take into 2023 with her is the non-existent friendship with Julia.