Many would argue that the joy of bringing a child into this world is what makes enduring pregnancy, not to mention childbirth, worth it.
Some women even enjoy being pregnant. In spite of some occasional discomfort and needing to invest in maternity clothes, you have free reign to indulge in delicious high-calcium food. Strangers will often go out of their way to ensure your comfortable by holding the door for you or giving up their seat on the bus or subway.
Then there are those who simply can’t wait for 9-months to pass and be done with being pregnant, often making no effort to hide their discomfort and frustrations.
The sister-in-law (SIL) of Redditor luulime47 was going through a somewhat difficult pregnancy, which she made clear to the original poster (OP) and her entire family.
However, the OP’s SIL went one step beyond bemoaning her current condition but instead chose to blame her husband, the OP’s brother, for everything she was going through.
Finding this to be an unfair decision, the OP decided to intervene, a decision which may have only made matters worse.
Wondering if she had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my pregnant sister-in-law to stop yelling at my brother for making her a ‘whale’?”
The OP explained why her brother did not appreciate her efforts to come to his defense.
“My sister-in-law is pregnant with their first child, and I get pregnancy is hard, but for the last few weeks she’s been lashing out at my brother non-stop, and you can see he looks visibly stressed out now.”
“She’s done it in front of our family and her family, but nobody ever defends by brother or says anything to her because they’re all excited about the baby, so they’re treating her like a queen who can do no wrong.”
“Now, I love my sister-in-law, and we’re like sisters since we grew up together, which is why I felt comfortable telling her to stop.”
“I spoke up after she started yelling at my brother for making her into a ‘whale.'”
“He kept apologizing to her, and everybody was coddling her and telling her how beautiful she was and how she didn’t look big at all.”
“When we were alone, I told her how she was behaving unfairly and treating my brother badly and stressing him out.”
“I thought she took it well since she said she knew, but apparently not since she started crying to my brother.”
“Everybody is treating me like I’m the devil now for making her cry.”
“My brother told me to stay out of his marriage and to mind my own business because I didn’t understand what she’s going through, and he said I was causing her stress.”
“I tried to explain that I wasn’t trying to hurt her, but I felt like she was being mean, but it hasn’t helped the situation.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP all but unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for sticking up for her brother.
Everyone agreed that the OP was right to tell her SIL that it was unfair for her to blame her brother for everything she was going through, with many expressing their concerns about what kind of parent the OP’s SIL would be if she keeps looking for others to blame for everything.
“I’ve never in my life seen any friends or family of mine who’ve had children treat their partner like that while pregnant.”
“She is completely out of line and your family should be ashamed for treating you like that for defending your brother which they also should be doing.”
“Your brothers spineless for lashing out at you like that.”- MrChaddious
“As a currently pregnant person, I can tell you that your pregnant SIL is using her hormones as an excuse to be cruel to her husband and you are NTA for standing up for him.”
“I’ve had maybe two arguments with my husband which were irrational and driven by hormones, but I felt immediate remorse and apologized and made amends.”
“You don’t turn into an out-of-control monster when you’re pregnant, and you just don’t.”
“You have moments where you feel overwhelmed and overstimulated, and the easiest option is to lash out but that still doesn’t erase consequences or remorse.”
“Anyway, it was nice of you to speak up.”
“I’m sorry it wasn’t appropriately received.”
“Also, all pregnant people have stress.”
“It’s a symptom of being alive.”
“Unless she’s seriously high risk for something stress related, you’re not going to hurt her or her baby by being honest one time.”- nun_the_wiser
“I try to give pregnant people some grace.”
“Hormones are a beast, the physical changes can be physically and emotionally difficult to deal with, and everyone and their dog feels entitled to judge every aspect of pregnancy.”
“With all that said, I have to go with NTA on this one.”
“If she was actually raising her voice, that is not cool.”
“It’s double not cool because I am assuming she consented to the marital act that resulted in the pregnancy.”
“She’s 50% responsible for making herself a whale.”
“I don’t think the occasional ‘you did this!’ comments are the end of the world, but if it’s an ongoing pattern of lashing out at him in front of you and other people, IMO that’s taking it too far.”
“Speaking of which, if she’s putting your brother on blast in front of other people, I also think she’s the one putting the state of the marriage out there.”
“It’s a little rich to let the world know how pissed off you are with your husband and then cry about relationship privacy when other people comment.”
“Your brother has made it clear where he stands, so you probably shouldn’t comment on this again.”
“But I don’t think you were the AH for speaking up the first time.”- crockofpot
“When my friend was pregnant, she could get really nasty, with her fiancé in particular.”
“It was very much a hormonal thing, but that doesn’t make it ok.”
“She once yelled at him for getting her normal fries instead of curly fries and then yelled at him again when he went back for curly fries because it took too long.”
“I called her out on it and said she was overreacting and he was doing something nice for her (in gentler terms, though).”
“She would take a few minutes to breath, and then she’d always give him a genuine apology.”-Curlycue1412
“Your brother is being verbally abused.”
“This hormone thing is BS.”
“Just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean she can abuse people, especially not the father of her child.”
“She needed someone to tell her that her awful behavior is not okay.”- Melodic_Bad02
“Mom of 2.”
“There’s no reason to act like that CONSTANTLY.”
“Both my pregnancies were high risk and everything that it comes with.”
“There’s a certain way to act.”
“And that’s not it.”- Affectionate-Can-279
“Pregnancy is difficult, but it’s not a free license to treat people like crap.”
“You stood up for your brother and did it sensitively by speaking to her in private.”
“I would stand by what you did while also stating that you will respect his wishes and won’t try to intervene in the future.”- Plesiadapiformes
“NTA, but it might work better to frame it in terms of your own feelings rather than in terms of rescuing your brother.”
“Eg, ‘SIL, it stresses me out to hear you yelling at my brother’.”
“‘I understand that pregnancy isn’t wonderful all of the time, but throwing blame around makes it seem like the pregnancy wasn’t your idea too, and that’s hard for me to hear, especially when I don’t think you mean it that way’.”
“‘It’s a bummer to think about other women being forced to stay pregnant when they don’t want to be’.”- TJ_Rowe
“NTA. But now your brother has told you to stay out of it, do so.”- OldSpiceSmellsNice
There were, however, a select few who felt that the OP’s brother was right and despite her good intentions, was putting her nose where she didn’t belong.
“I say mild YTA for not talking things over with your brother first before talking to her.”- cpagali
Needless to say, it’s a universal injustice that even though it takes two to conceive a child, only women have to endure pregnancy and childbirth.
Even so, considering that the OP’s SIL presumably wanted to conceive a child with the OP’s brother, constantly blaming him for everything that makes her upset or uncomfortable seems like a pretty low blow.
One can only hope the OP’s brother will eventually see that she was purely looking out for him and nothing more.