It’s very easy to make an unfair judgment on someone based on a first impression.
Much as we might try to avoid it, we’ve all been guilty of it, primarily owing to the fact that we would never do whatever the other person is doing.
However we may feel, it’s never a good idea to share our judgment with this particular individual, as the only likely thing that might happen is they will judge us right back.
Redditor New_Tennis_1349 had a somewhat tense relationship with her stepmother, primarily owing to the fact that she constantly commented on the original poster (OP)’s employment status.
Having finally had enough, the OP couldn’t stay silent any longer, clapping back at her stepmother, and pointing out that she really wasn’t in any sort of opinion to make judgments like she was.
Unfortunately, the OP’s actions did little to nothing to improve their relationship and even made things awkward between her stepmother and her father.
Wondering if she overstepped, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to apologize to my dad’s wife for what I said when she was rude to me?”
The OP explained how giving her stepmother a taste of her own medicine did not go down easy.
I (24 F[emale]) am currently staying with my dad at his summer house.”
“My dad’s wife Monica is also here.”
“To be clear, neither Monica nor I have jobs.”
“Monica has always had an issue with my unemployment.”
“According to my dad she thinks it shouldn’t be the case and that my dad should pressure me to get a job, which he has declined to do.”
“She has made the odd thinly veiled comment about it which I’ve ignored.”
“Being all that as it is, two days ago I was out by the pool and Monica came over to sit with me, which was pretty odd.”
“She asked what I planned on doing for the rest of the summer and I said I was having several friends come and visit after she goes home.”
“She asked how we all had so much free time and turned the conversation back to ‘work’.”
“I was calmly dodging her barbed comments, and told her if my dad doesn’t care about my having a job, she shouldn’t either.”
“Monica then said even if he wasn’t pushing, he would be ‘proud of me earning my own money’ which frankly, set me off.”
“I turned to her and said, ‘do you think my dad would be proud of me “earning” money the way you do?”
“She got very flustered and went inside.”
“Apparently she went to my dad in tears and told him what I said.”
“My dad was initially on my side and said she should mind her own business, but she’s still upset and not really speaking to anyone.”
“My dad says I should now apologize because she’s learnt her lesson and won’t try it again but it’s time to make peace because she feels uncomfortable.”
“I think she effed around and found out, and that she’s dragging this out.”
“If I don’t need an apology for her inappropriate behaviour, I don’t see why she needs one for my reaction.”
“I don’t live with my dad full time, I visit him during the summer in between traveling because the house is central to a lot of destinations.”
“I don’t live with him the rest of the year.”
‘Re my ‘life of leisure’, I have a degree, three qualifications in art and design, and I do internships at fashion/auction houses.”
“I have and do ‘work’ periodically, just not for money.”
“Am I being an AH by not apologizing?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was for the most part in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for not apologizing to her stepmother.
Everyone agreed that the OP was correct in feeling that Monica was wasting time and energy in commenting on the OP’s lack of employment, and was in no position to do so to begin with, even if some confessed to at least understanding Monica’s confusion by the OP’s lack of employment.
“NTA.”
“Apologize for what?”
“Commenting on her employment status after she commented on yours?”- ClothesQueasy2828
“NTA.”
“Why work if you don’t have to?”- eternallnewbie
“How is it that the one who’s supporting op have no problem with it but the one who’s also benefited and unemployed just like op wants to put in their 2 cents.”
“If it works for them, it works.”
“It’s nobody’s business.”
“NTA.”- Corrotland
“She should have dropped it after you dad declined to intervene.”
“He is your parent, she is not, it’s not her place.”
“That being said however, you’re 24.”
“I assume you’re still living with a parent.”
‘It wouldn’t be such a bad idea to start working already and fly the nest.”
“You can be a SAHM later.”
“NTA.”- Repeat4Reps
“NTA.”
“It’s not her business what your dad does you’re his child, she’s not paying for you and is also unemployed.”- No-Warning4684
“NTA.”
“It’s like people here have never met anyone with a trust fund.”
“You don’t need a job and she should mind her own business.”- Viewfromthe31stfloor
“NTA.”
“Monica is worried you’re spending all ‘her’ money, the money she feels entitled to by marrying your dad.”
“Sounds like dad was on your side until she plied him with tears and hurt feelings.”
“Maybe just remind your dad you could be using your trust fund if he prefers, but otherwise, you prefer that financial discussions between the two of you remain between the two of you.”
“And offer to apologize on the stipulation that she never interjects her opinion about your job status or finances again.”
“If he’s willing to have that conversation with her, tell her to stay out of it, then a small apology for ‘any misunderstanding’ seems a nominal price to pay for peace.”- barefootwondergirl
“NTA tell your dad you are willing to accept her apology and apologize back.”- HappySummerBreeze
“NTA.”
“You sound like a leech, but if your dad doesn’t care, then his gf should mind her own sh*t.”-throwaway120375
“Ok, so you’re NTA for the situation, but come on.”
“It still sounds like you live a worry-free life of luxury.”
“I think I can safely speak for most people when I say no one wants to work for money.”
“We have to.”
“To pay our bills and survive.”
“And not just ‘periodically’.”- Dieter_Knutsen
There were a few others, however, who felt the OP should have known better and kept her mouth shut, feeling that she must have known her words would likely not help the situation one bit, even if they didn’t think Monica came off looking particularly good in this story either.
“I know it’s not socially acceptable to relate yourself in other peoples stories but sometimes it’s the only way I know how to express myself.”
“When I was your age (said in an old-timey voice) my dad got remarried.”
“She was horrid to me.”
“Looking back I can see she was jealous in a weird way.”
‘I was daddy’s girl and I don’t think she liked it.”
“Different loves lady!”
“Anyway.”
“We didn’t get along.”
“She would be mean and I’d be snarky back.”
“My dad asked me to apologize.”
“WTF.”
“He came right out and acknowledge it was 80% her fault and 20% the way I reacted but it was putting him in a bad position and he wanted us both to apologize.”
“We didn’t have to get along but could we please just be civil.”
“I was livid.”
“I saw red.”
“But i loved my dad more than I disliked her.”
“So i did it.”
“I hated seeing my dad uncomfortable and distressed.”
“She is the best thing that happened to him really.”
“It’s been 20 years and we still just act civilly.”
“No fairy tale we are the best of friends here.”
“But my dad is so happy and that makes ME happy.”
“Who gives a flying F* if she approves of you?”
“Let that roll off.”
“When someone, anyone makes a comment about anything in your life, or any situation arises, ask yourself if it will matter in 5 years.”
“If it won’t, don’t let it bother you.”
“Because life will throw you some serious sh*t”
“Don’t let this stuff wear you down.”- mythoughtsrrandom
“You both sound like awful people to be honest.”
“ESH.”- Grand-Future-6234
It would be one thing if the OP was living purely off her father, with no aspirations or goals of any kind, other than spending his money.
If that were the case, it would have almost been wrong for Monica not to say something.
However, seeing as neither of them was causing any harm or trouble by their lack of employment, one can’t help but feel that it would have been in both of their best interests not to say anything.
One can only hope this is a hurdle everyone will eventually be able to get past.