Redditor Express-Swordfish582 is a woman who hosted a cookout at their house with her husband.
It wound up being a big mess due to an incident caused by one of the guests and an ensuing confrontation about proper etiquette.
While she had some backup from the other partygoers, one of the coworkers was irate over how things were handled.
So she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for calling out my husbands coworkers wife for trying to flush a maxi pad down our toilet?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m still pretty mad at the whole ordeal. My husband’s coworker and his wife are both mad at us and think I humiliated her, but I think her lack of common sense is what did it.”
“My husband and I recently hosted a cookout at our house for his coworkers, he gets along pretty well with most of them and enjoys hosting.”
“Coworkers wife Julia goes to the hallway bathroom, comes back. I end up going after her, and notice the toilet is clogged and starting to overflow.”
“Something large and white is stuck, I use the plunger to unclog it and lo and behold, a very large bloody maxi pad. Julia was the last person to use the bathroom, so I come out and asked her if she tried to flush a pad down the toilet.”
“She got embarrassed and said yes, and I told her she needed to go clean up the mess she made. There was water all over the floor, with particles of her pad and blood everywhere.”
“I asked her if no one ever taught her not to flush a pad, we have a septic tank and they cost thousands to repair. You don’t flush pads, especially not the extra large ones.”
“It’s not like she tried to flush a panty liner or something.”
“Julia cried and her husband yelled at me, but who does that? Especially at someone else’s house? Husband’s two female coworkers came to my defense, and pretty much said it was stupid of her to do that.”
“Julia half a**ed cleaning up her mess, and her and her husband quickly left. All of their coworkers think Julia shouldn’t have done that, but my husband and his coworker are having a whole feud about it.”
“We have a septic tank. Septic tank repairs here can easily go for around $10,000. Julia has a septic tank. Julia knows better. When I asked if she would flush a pad in her own home she said no. Julia said she did it because there was no trashcan in there, and she didn’t want to walk her pad to a different trashcan. The trashcan from that bathroom was outside being washed because a different coworker got vomit on it. I don’t think saving her some embarrassment would be worth paying thousands of dollars to repair. Also, she saw that the toilet was clogged and decided to walk off and leave it for someone else.”
“AITA for calling out my husband’s coworker’s wife for trying to flush a maxi pad down our toilet?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.
“NTA. If Julia wanted to avoid embarrassment, she had a couple of options:”
“Wrap the hell out of that pad and stealth it to another trash can. We’ve all done this, and was the no-brainer option.”
“Once she realized that she f’ked up the toilet, she could have discretely informed OP and apologized profusely, then helped clean up the mess without complaint.”
“Could OP have been more discrete? Sure. Did Julia deserve discreteness at that moment? Probably not.” – DinoSnuggler
“Wrap the hell out of that pad and stealth it to another trash can. We’ve all done this, and was the no-brainer option.”
“Because the bathrooms at my office are gender-neutral, this is what I do. I also crumble up a few extra paper towels to help with the cover-up lol. I’ve also tossed it into another non-bathroom trash can, again totally mummified.”
“It’s kind of awkward to call her out in front of everyone else, but after finding out she flushed it knowing it could cause a plumbing issue, I don’t have that much sympathy for her. NTA” – PrscheWdow
“NTA. IT DOES MATTER IF IT’S A SEPTIC TANK OR SEWER, YOU NEVER FLUSH A PAD!!!”
“I don’t think I have ever met a woman who didn’t know you don’t flush a pad, period (no pun intended).”
“She knew better than that as an adult woman. It honestly sounds like she did it on purpose. She flushed and she saw what it did and she left it, didn’t even try to stop it.”
“She was pissed she had to clean up the consequences of her actions. Any person who did this accidentally would have tried to clean it up themselves initially, and they would have had no problem cleaning it themselves.”
“You didn’t scream at her in front of everyone.” – McflyThrowaway01
“Exactly. Could OP have been more discreet? Well yeah, of course. Was it necessary? I don’t know, I feel like if someone trashed my bathroom, it’d be pretty f’king pissed and any niceties would go out the window.”
“You made a mess, you clean it up, especially if you’re a guest in someone else’s home. There’s no way she didn’t know the pad didn’t flush before she left. How rude to make it someone else’s problem.” – ant-master
“NTA- I don’t agree with people saying you should’ve pulled her aside and not embarrassed her. Maybe if she was a teenager and hadn’t had her period for long, but this is a grown woman and she should’ve known better.”
“She messed up your bathroom and could have caused thousands in damages. It wasn’t a small mistake and therefore she doesn’t deserve the courtesy of you babying her.”
“Edit: HOLD ON! One of your comments says that she knew not to flush it but was too embarrassed to throw it away elsewhere??? So she intentionally did something she KNEW would f’k up your toilet.”
“Not to mention she must have saw that the pad didn’t flush all the way and proceeded to walk away while it was overflowing. NTA at all!” – Tricky-Temporary-777
“Not to mention it was a party with a bunch of obviously inebriated people. I could pretty easily some drunk person coming in and not even realizing that was clogged and just going about their business.”
“Could imagine cleaning up that mess after that?”
“She’s not mad she was embarrassed (well probably that too) chest mad she was caught. This isn’t just a mistake it’s a massive disrespect and could have gone a far farrr worse way if OP wasn’t the next one to use the bathroom.”
“Not really sure you want these people as friends in the first place.” – cd2220
“I’ve gone into a coworker’s house with no bin in the toilet…and boy did I wrap that pad up in lots of paper and then later a plastic bag until I could either find a bin or find coworker and ask where to put it.”
“(The gathering was outside the house, so I didn’t feel I had permission to go wandering around inside the house looking for a bin.) I can’t imagine deciding to flush it.” – empresslilandra
“Yeeaaaah, it should’ve been Julia who took OP aside privately and said ‘look, I F’ed up here, my bad… can you tell me where the cleaning supplies are?’ Or maybe ‘I have this pad where can I toss it; instead of trying to flush it. There’s no way a grown a** woman doesn’t know better.”
“We recently had issues at our office with the toilets because apparently you’re not supposed to flush tampons, either. When I was growing up, I was told flushing tampons was ok, but I guess that’s not the case anymore!” – BelkiraHoTep
“NTA. She literally flooded your bathroom, potentially could’ve cost you $10,000 in damages, then left it for you to clean up after she obviously clogged the toilet. Who does that?”
“The Y T A responses are kinda unfair in my opinion. Would people seriously not confront someone who did something so disrespectful in your home?”
“I understand the confrontation was humiliating for her and maybe you could’ve had the conversation privately but I would be dammed if I cleaned up somebody’s bloody pad and dirty toilet water because they didn’t want to simply walk to a different bathroom with a trashcan. She embarrassed herself.” – freyesphinx
“NTA. For all the YTA comments, any adult woman would know not to flush maxis down a toilet also how is it embarrassing? You’ve been dealing with periods for years it’s 2022.”
“She could’ve easily wrapped it up in toilet paper or called for the host and been like here’s the situation. ALSO who the f’k walks away when you’ve overflowed the toilet or potentially clogged it?”
“So risking thousands of dollars of damage for maybe a little moment of vulnerability? What is wrong with people.” – pandabearlover03
Overall, Redditors agreed that as a house guest, Julia should have known better than to flush the used product down the toilet.