One of the most unspoken challenges of entering a new relationship is getting other people to like you.
Namely, your new partner’s family and friends.
With the hope that this relationship might last for many years, if not the rest of your life, you will want to hit it off with your new partner’s friends, and hopefully become part of the group, as it were.
Redditor Similar-Put1285 seemed to hit it off with the friends of her current boyfriend, who’s child she also happened to be carrying.
But after a recent group outing went sour, the original poster (OP) began to feel much less secure in her place in the group.
Worried that she might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wanting to go to dinner after my boyfriend’s friends removed me from their photo?”
The OP explained how a moment of exclusion left her feeling uncertain about her relationship with her boyfriend’s friends, and possibly her boyfriend as well.
“I’m 36 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend is really into drag racing.”
“Occasionally we go up to the track to watch them and his friends along with their girlfriends attend.”
“My boyfriend and his guy friends head off into the pits to look at cars and what not so I stay on the bench with the girls.”
“My feet are really swollen, it’s super hot and I’m dying a little I feel like and I’m ready to go home anyways.”
“Well the girlfriends all decided they want to take a group photo.”
“They set it up so that all of us are in the picture and I’m seated at the end.”
“We are getting ready to leave to go to dinner and I needed to use the restroom so I go.”
“When I return my boyfriend mentioned he saw the group photo but was curious where I was in it.”
“I told him I was sitting at the end.”
“He showed me the photo they had posted and they cropped me out of it.”
“I was really hurt by this.”
“My boyfriend ended up asking them why they took me out and they told him that ‘I didn’t look like I fit in the picture’.”
“‘They were all dressed a certain way and I made the picture look off’.”
“That gutted me even more when he told me on the ride to the restaurant.”
“I was near in tears and told him I didn’t want to go in and wanted him to take me home.”
“He was upset and told me not to take it so personally and that they weren’t my friends anyway and I could go just be with him.”
“That hurt me even more and I said a few mean words to him about choosing them over me.”
“I ended up being taken home and he’s still mad at me.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Everyone agreed that the OP’s behavior was justified, and she was in no way the a**hole for not wanting to join the group after they cropped her out of the picture.
Everyone agreed that cropping the OP out of the picture was a very mean thing to do, and the OP’s boyfriend only made the situation worse, with many urging her to end the relationship.
“They did a hurtful thing.”
“It’s completely fair not to want to spend any more time with them.”
“Your boyfriend should be taking your side.”- T3HN3RDY1
“I hate to tell you but your boyfriend is selfish.”
“He’s overlooking your own comfort and needs including your feelings.”
“You should not be subjected to sit in the heat and be guilted into going to a restaurant with him.”
“He should be empathetic to you.”
“He just shown you where his priorities are.”
“And forget those girls.”
“I wouldn’t want to be pictured with a mob of the likes of them, pregnant or not.”- stacity
“NTA and wtf is wrong with your bf.”- bmorebecc
“You’re having his baby and he treats you and allows others to treat you this way?”
“He’s going to find parenting hard as it’s not about him.”- EsjaeW
“He should’ve had your back after they did that it’s not OK.”
“He has no reason to be mad at you.”- PrincessOfHell13
“NTA but your bf def is.”
“Not only did he not defend u, he said they’re not ur friends?”
“Why would you want to hang out with ppl who very clearly don’t have any interest in being kind to you.”- Whtmidoingwthmylife
“Your bf and his ‘friends’ are though.”
“It’s really sad you are pregnant with his child and he allows his ‘friends’ to treat you that way.”
“Then has the audacity to be mad at you when you tell him you are upset and uncomfortable being around them.”
“Your bf is being an insensitive jerk who is enabling his friends to treat you disrespectfully.”
“This is a definite red flag and warning for possible things to come.”- MainEgg320
“You’re 36 weeks pregnant and your hormones are in overdrive.”
“If course you’re going to be offended that you were cropped out of a group photo because you didn’t fit some random aesthetic the others were feeling at the time.”
“You are busy literally growing another human inside of you.”
“Your body has more important things to do than look like arm candy.”
“Those women were rude as f*ck to exclude you simply because of that.”
“Your BF should have understood and not asked you to suck it up and pretend they hadn’t gone out of their way to make you feel unwelcome.”
“If any of those girls are ever fortunate enough to have a baby, they’ll learn how horrible they were being first hand.”- cheekmo_52
“You only went to this event because your bf enjoys it, you were treated rudely, and somehow he’s angry with you?”- TemptingPenguin369
“Your boyfriend’s job is to stand by you and protect you.”
“He belittled you and punished you for having valid feelings.”
“He should have been pissed and said something.”
“Not a good sign for your future together.”- tatersprout
“NTA and totally understandable that you’d want to go home, with or without the emotional toil, but you should talk to your boyfriend about how you’re feeling, if you haven’t already.”
“Is it possible your boyfriend isn’t really mad at you?”
“Is he referring to his friends or the girlfriends?”
“If he’s just referring to the girlfriends, he’s right.”
“They aren’t your friends and you don’t need to give a sh*t what they think of you.”
“Are they even his friends?”
“Or just his friends’ girlfriends?”
“Do you really feel like he was choosing them over you or was that something you said in the moment because you were upset and wanted to leave?”
“Understandable either way, but it seems like he did want you there with him.”
“Maybe I’m just giving him the benefit of the doubt or I’m misinterpreting, more info would be necessary to be more sure as this is just speculation.”
“Regardless, my verdict, for all its worth, stands.”- Mission_Low_3927
“Sis, I wasted YEARS of my life trying to make friendship work with people like these ladies because they were my husband’s friends wives.”
“In my case, I wasn’t Christian enough for them.”
“Just quit while you are ahead.”
“They are not worth one more minute of your time.”
“People like this, you can bend over backward until the cows come home but it won’t change their cliquiness.”
“As for your boyfriend, he is so full of it.”
“His plans changed.”
“His 36 week pregnant girl friend just put herself through hell for him physically all day and now he’s upset because she doesn’t want to get dinner with his friends wives who treated her like crap.”
“He can cry me a river.”
“Your boyfriend has a lot of growing up to do.”- Avoidingthecrap
“Holy f*ck.”- maexx80
“No, you’re NTA.”
“What they did was wrong and hurtful, and anyone with even a smidgen of empathy would know that.”
“It is not reasonable for your boyfriend to make you go to a dinner with AHs who did that.”
“As your boyfriend he should have refused to go to dinner with them too.”
“He’s an AH.”- witcher_rat
It’s hard to imagine how the OP’s boyfriend thought telling her that the women who so rudely cropped her out of the picture “weren’t her friends” would make her feel better.
One could argue that maybe the OP doesn’t want to be associated with insensitive people like this.
But, considering the OP and her boyfriend are having a child together, one hopes they might be able to smooth things over.
And hopefully, the OP will get a sincere apology from her boyfriend and his friends.