“Accidents happen” is a popular aphorism that exists to point out how little control we actually have over our lives.
While we can’t control how chance will effect our lives, we can do something about how we respond to it.
Of course, what happens when the decision you make after a chance encounter doesn’t go over as well as you’d hoped?
This was the problem facing Redditor and original Poster (OP) winedress-aita when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for outside opinions.
He asked:
“AITA for not paying for a new dress when I ruined the original dress accidentally?”
First, he suggested why he needed help.
“Another post got me thinking about my own situation involving a dress, and I’ve been called the a**hole and my wife is pissed at me – so just wanted to check in to see if I really am or is my thinking justified.”
He then dove into the story itself.
“This happened a couple of weeks ago at a wedding I (37-male) had attended.”
“during the reception, while everyone was dancing and generally having a pretty good time I was sitting off to the side while my wife mingled with her friends.”
“(it was my wife’s friend’s wedding so I didn’t really know anyone there).”
“at one point she called out to me to come over – so I stood up from the chair I was chilling on and started walking over.”
Everything was fine, until…
“I accidentally dumped into an older woman and spilled my drink (wine) all over her dress – I immediately felt bad, the woman started tearing up saying her night was ruined, and [ I ] offered to pay for the damages.”
“she ended up leaving early since she was wearing like a… pastel pink(?) and the red win did not compliment it, to say the least.”
“A couple of days later, the woman contacted me and asked if I was still willing to pay for the damages.”
“and I said, of course, it was my bad – and she then sent me a link to another dress that looked nothing like the one I ruined, and it costs $6k+ (???) and she said there was no way to fix the damages to the original dress so if I can buy this dress as a replacement.”
OP asked for assurances.
“sure, I could afford the dress, and I do feel bad that I ruined the original dress, but felt that the price of the new dress was suspicious, so I messaged back saying ‘I’ll need proof that the original dress costed similar to the amount this new dress costs so send over the details and I’ll get it sorted’.”
“but somewhat expected, the woman started making excuses saying she lost the original receipt, or that the designer’s website isn’t listing the dress, blah blah blah.”
“I told her to send the proof within 24hours from the time of this last message.”
“so she called me a child for not taking responsibility and that I should pay for the new dress since I have the means to pay (i do, but big question is how does she know this).”
“I told her no dice, ‘it’s simple, give me proof the original costed anywhere close to the price of the new dress and it’ll be done – 24hours or offer is off the table’.”
Later,
“anyways, I’m sure you can guess what happened – but no proof was sent so I dropped the matter and told her as such.”
“turns out this woman was the bride’s sister (wife’s friend), and now she’s angry that I refused to pay for the new dress, and now my wife is angry since her friends are now angry at her.”
“although she agrees that the price of the new dress seems ridiculous and said that no way did the original dress costed that much since in the words of my wife ‘like how, she’s a welfare sponge’ (someone who games the welfare system) but wife still think I should pay for the new dress so that she doesn’t lose her friend.”
“We have separate bank accounts, and she could easily pay herself, but she thinks it should be on me.”
He was left wondering,
“AITA for not paying?”
Having explained the whole situation, the OP turned to Reddit for clarity.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some pointed out how to easily get to the bottom of the dress mystery.
“Nta, I use to work in retail.”
“99% time if you pay 6k for a dress, it’s with a credit/debit card ( so a paper trail )”
“Most luxury companies email receipts these days”
“If you know the brand of the dress ( have a picture), a simple reverse image search will show old collections of most high-end brands ( often sold on second-hand sites such as Vinted)”
“Even without a picture, knowing the brand, give a description, it will also likely pull a result from the internet”
“Unless the dress was silk it’s highly unlikely red wine won’t come out without the proper care. ( unless she wasn’t able to soak it within a reasonable amount of time)”
“A store can tell exactly what collection/year/cost especially luxury stores. “
“( even knowing the barcode/plu number, found on the care instructions label inside the dress, will also pull up the dress details).”
“The fact it’s luxury means it’s not impossible to find out it’s original cost, and you stand a better chance given the factors listed above.”
“You can also ask her what store she bought it from ( and call the store yourself) ‘pretend’ to do the legwork for her”
“Tell her you are going to claim it on your insurance, they require a statement from the store/bank, proof r irreparable damage from the dry cleaners, photos of the dress.”
“If she still won’t provide it, it’s not your problem anymore.”
“Edit to add: more details”~sproggs44
Others pointed out how shady the whole thing seemed.
“NTA.”
“This woman is a scammer.”
“Since it’s clearly a ‘designer’ dress, I’d ask to see it and the label.”
“No way is a dress worth that kind of money without a label.”
“And no way does the average person spend $6,000 on a dress!!!”
“And there’s no credit card statement for this kind of expensive item?”
“She paid cash? (Eye roll)”
“Even if it was $600 – I’d want a receipt.”
“Oh – and what about dry cleaning? Did she even get an estimate?”
“Your wife needs better friends. Big time NTA.”~MaineGirl_1923
And,
“With how she is acting, I’m starting to doubt that you bumping into her was an accident…”~SparkAxolotl
Responses also pointed out that there are simpler solutions.
” ‘Give me the dress, I’ll bring it to my dry cleaner.’ “
“[insert Khaby gesture here.]”
“NTA, but you’re making this harder than it needs to be.“~Remarkable_Inchworm
Or,
“NTA and tell her you’ll pay for the dry cleaning bill, not a new dress. Ask to speak to the dry cleaner she took it to and have them verify that they really can’t fix the dress.”~yourlittlebirdie
Accidents happen.
The choices we make after the accident are what determine the impact that accident will have on us.
Remember to make wise ones.