It’s true sometimes that we will fall on tough times, and it’s wonderful if we have friends or family there who will help us get through it.
But when that happens, we should be grateful and do our best to repay them, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But a Redditor, who has since deleted her account, didn’t seem to get the memo when she not only was unhappy with the living situation her brother provided her for free, but she also expected his family to give her more.
When her friends agreed with her, the Original Poster (OP) tried to double down.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my Sister-in-Law (SIL) I needed the guest house more than her son?”
The OP received help from her brother after a bad breakup.
“I (24 female) am currently living with my brother and his family.”
“They have 6, yes 6, kids from age 19 to 1 1/2. The youngest is the only girl.”
“I moved in with my brother after my relationship went sour. It was horrible.”
“We (my brother and I) were never close because he is 16 years older than me.”
“After my 4-year relationship ended, I had nowhere to go and I asked my brother if he could help me out. He invited me into his house.”
“They have a guest house which he said I could stay in, but he said it needed renovations first, so I got a room in the main house.”
The OP wasn’t very happy with the arrangement.
“While my brother and his family is quite comfy and earns a lot, as I said, they have 6 kids.”
“They are loud and I prefer a quiet space. The house is quite huge and I have my own bedroom, but it is just awful honestly.”
“SIL is a SAHM and she is great with the kids, they listen to her and whatnot, but they are just too much and too loud.”
The OP expected to move into the guest house after the renovations were complete.
“Renovations happened and SIL has been saying her oldest child should move in so he can have his own space.”
“SIL told her son about it and he was quite excited to have his own space.”
“I spoke to my brother since I thought I’d get it, but he told me his son needs space and whatnot.”
“I went to SIL and asked her about it last night and she told me no.”
“I explained it to her and she still said no”
“I told her I needed it more. The kids had everything handed down to them and my brother told me I could stay at the guest house.”
“It’s just so upsetting.”
“Saying I needed it more is causing some issues.”
“After explaining my side, my friends agreed with me.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t believe the OP wasn’t grateful or helping around the house.
“It’s generous enough they managed to get her her own BEDROOM in a family of 8 (6 kids and 2 parents)!”
“OP, you aren’t entitled to the same opportunities someone gives their child.”
“Also, spoiler alert, I am absolutely not wealthy but was in a similar situation trying to help my brother a few years ago… he was totally ungrateful and wanted more and more and more, at the expense of my kids. (Similar complaints about how they were loud also, in their own house.)”
“Guess who doesn’t talk at all to their sibling now? Is that the end goal you’re wanting?” – crataeguz
“Just because the brother is significantly older doesn’t mean he needs to parent OP as well. Also OP mentioned that she works 2 jobs but can’t afford anything else…”
“Girl, your BROTHER can afford a nice life for his wife and 6 kids… Maybe take this opportunity to ask him for some career advice or life guidance on changing your situation?”
“Tell him your life goals, he is 16 years older, he probably has some great advice.”
“Also there are 6 kids, and you don’t help out cuz it’s too much work? Help out on your day off. Your SIL takes care of 6 kids, it would be a great way to thank your brother’s family for helping you out rent free.”
“YTA.” – iKoalaBear
“YTA. Move out if you want your own space, you are an adult and your brother shouldn’t have to support you.”
“Unless you have a lease and pay rent for the guest house, it’s their house/guest house, and they decide who gets it.”
“Honestly sounds like they have a 7th child.” – goldensand16
“100% I’m actually amazed and had to read this multiple times to understand what I’m seeing.”
“The brothers top priority is the needs of his family, which he provides. He makes a good income to support his family. He’s not obligated to support a sister who admits she’s not even close to him.”
“He’s gone above and beyond to give her a room in his house. She’s getting free accommodation and is complaining…”
“Unbelievable!” – boo-pspps
“Honestly, staying with a family member after a breakup isn’t what bugs me.”
“My SIL had to do that, because she had lived in her boyfriend’s house. It’s a whole long story, but at the end of the day, she needed time to save up for a down payment and all that after the breakup.”
“So that alone? Not an issue. But the fact she’s asking for more and whining like this?!!! Issue!!!” – stuckinthesun31
Others pointed out the guest house likely wasn’t offered to her on purpose.
“YTA!! My first thought was the SIL probably wants OP gone and doesn’t want OP getting too comfortable in her home by giving her her own space.” – GeorgiaCycle
“I suspect that this is the brother and his wife gently telling her that they want her to move out. With 6 kids, they probably need the space. Once she moves into the guesthouse, they’ll never get rid of her.” – glamourcrow
“This reeks of ENTITLEMENT! ‘The kids are too noisy, so I deserve to live in the guest house FOC (free of charge), probably forever.'”
“No honey, that’s not how it works. This is why we will never take in any family regardless. They get a taste, and they want more.” – Mommato3boys66
“She’s probably long outstayed her welcome considering she’s stayed long enough for renovations on a guest house to take place.”
“The sister in law probably assumed she’d stay a couple weeks while she found a rental, but instead she got a seventh grown-a** child.” – hebejebz
“The entitlement and resentment of the family from OP is clearly through the roof. I wonder how much of that has changed OP’s brother’s mind, and how much OP has overstayed her welcome.”
“OP, YTA. If you don’t like living in your brother’s spare bedroom, find an apartment.” – bambiipup
And the sub couldn’t get over the OP’s comment about the kids being given everything.
“‘The kids had everything handed down to them’ while she mooches off her brother as a 24-year-old adult and wants even the guest house to stay there forever! Because it is soooo awful staying in the biiig house – I guess for free.”
“Time to move out!”
“YTA.” – Sheeps_n_Birds
“The kids don’t even work! They have everything handed to them. That 1 1/2 year old really needs to start pulling her weight!”
“Even with the oldest being 19, he could be in school and need his own space, so he can get ready for being an adult.”
“Her friends only agree because they don’t want her living with them.” – Lil_Elf81
“She talks out of both sides of her mouth her. She says SIL is a good mom, but then says the kids get everything handed to them, implying that they’re spoiled.” – Julie1760
“I love how OP says, ‘the kids had everything handed down to them.’ Well yeah, they’re their kids and they will decide how to raise them.”
“How are you better by staying at you brother’s house at age of 24 and demanding his guest house?”
“You’re staying there because he wants to help you, not because he owns you a house. Grow up and get your own space. YTA.” – mazokos
“I was withholding judgment at first because she didn’t say whether she was paying rent or not. If she was paying a decent amount of rent, then she should have a little private space. If she’s staying for free, then she should not be a choosy beggar.”
“BUT the comment about the children having everything handed to them puts her clearly in AH territory whether she is paying rent or not. What a ridiculous thing to say.” – HeatherHayesUndies
Though the OP was certain that she needed the quiet, private space more than her nephew who was just five years younger than her, the subReddit insisted it was for the best.
If she was given the guest house, she would have no incentive to grow up and be independent, which would hardly be the best thing for her or her brother’s family.