Protecting their children is pretty much second nature to most parents.
Some parents are understandably prone to losing control of their emotions when seeing or hearing something which they know might harm their child, physically or emotionally.
Sometimes even resulting in their making decisions others might consider drastic.
Such was the case for Redditor poopyads, who put an end to her relationship after her boyfriend made a disparaging remark about her daughter.
But after receiving a fair amount of blowback from friends and family for her actions, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for protecting my daughter?”
The OP first expressed how she initially had high hopes for her new relationship, as well as for the relationship between her new boyfriend and her daughter.
So, i (30 F[emale]) have been dating “Josh” (35 M[ale]) for almost a year.”
“My daughte’s (“Carly, 13 F”) father left when she was a few months, so she’s never really had a father figure.”
“I introduced josh to her about a month into our relationship, and Carly really liked him.”
“I thought they got along great, and i was happy that Carly could have a male figure to look up to.”
But the OP’s relationship with Josh came to an abrupt end following a remark Josh made regarding Carly.
“About a week go, this all came to a halt.”
“Carly had eaten about half a bag of chips, not unusual for a teenager, since they have larger appetites.”
“This really upset josh for some reason, and he made a totally unacceptable comment about my daughter.”
“’If you really loved Carly, you wouldn’t let her eat so much’.”
“‘What if she gets fat?’”
“I was repulsed, and i could not hold my anger back.”
“I told josh to get the f*ck out of my house, that he was unwelcome, and to never talk about my daughter like that.”
“She has been hurt enough by the men in her life, and she does not deserve this.”
“Josh was defensive immediately, and said he was only joking around.”
“I told him that it wasn’t funny, and i was serious about him leaving.”
But Josh still had plenty more to say the next day.
“And he did leave, but the next day i woke up to my phone blowing up.”
“Josh messaging me, along with his friends, calling me a bad mother, and saying disgusting things about my daughter and I.”
The OP thought she might have some support from her family, but that turned out not to be the case.
“I told my sister yesterday what had happened, and she told me that I overreacted.”
“She said Josh was only looking out for Carly, and that she had been gaining weight.”
“I stand by what i said though.”
“If he was concerned, he should have said it in a different way.”
“It was completely unacceptable what he said about Carly.”
“AITA for kicking him out?”
“I have not told my daughter about the comment. i don’t plan on doing it. but should i?”
“iI feel bad not telling her why i kicked josh out.”
“But at the same time what he said was uncalled for and I don’t want it to hurt her.”
“Carly met josh before we were dating, as a friend.:
“I reintroduced him as my boyfriend a month into our relationship.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for ending her relationship with Josh.
Most everyone agreed that Josh’s remark, as well as he and his friends harassing the OP after she kicked him out, was a sign that the OP got out of what could have been a toxic or abusive relationship for both her and Carly.
“Sounds like you dodged a bullet.”
“NTA.”-DogsReadingBooks.
“NTA body shaming a girl in the throes of puberty is not okay, and that’s what he did.”
“Then he doubled down by creating a three-ring circus starring his cadre of friends and supporters.”
“Is this really the guy you want helping to raise your daughter?”-MelodyRaine.
“NTA.”
“And with his and his friends behavior after he was kicked out, he has shown his true colors.”-Apprehensive_Owls.
“NTA, that was about the age that my step daughter became anorexic.”
“With puberty temporary weight gain is common.”
“Enough people made comments about my daughter gaining maybe 10 pounds, that she started starving herself.”
“If this AH boyfriend does not grasp how sh*tty what he said was, he and anybody that supports his view needs to be kept the hell away from your daughter.”
“Yes a good male role model is important, but it is more important to keep toxic people away from kids.”- Fattdog64.
“I’m very glad you’re protecting your daughter from this.”
“Half a bag of chips for a teenager is really not that crazy- when I was 15 I once plowed through two bags of salt and vinegar chips in less than an hour- eating junk is just what you do as a teenager.”
“Josh is an adult man making comments about a 13 year old girls body- thats a red flag and unlike most people on reddit you recognized it and acted!”
“He also implied you didn’t love your daughter because you let her eat- disgusting.”
“You’re teaching your daughter that food is not an enemy- and he wants to teach her the opposite.”
“I would recommend waiting a couple more months with the next boyfriend- wait until you’re out of the honeymoon phase so you can accurately judge what kind of person he is before exposing him to your child.”
“NTA, and he only said it was a joke because you got mad FYI.”-butterfIypunk.
“NTA -his comment was out of place.”
“There could be a version of this where he made a minor mistake, adjusts his tone and learns.”
“But when your phone blows up with messages from him AND HIS FRIENDS?!”
“Giving you all sorts of abuse?”
“What kind of people are this?”
“Run for the hills girl.”
“You don’t need this and your daughter definitely doesn’t need this.”-rmvandink.
“NTA this is hope people end up hating themselves.”
“Your kid>everyone else.”-tg_malice.
“NTA.”
“The trauma of having a grown man call you fat or insinuate that you’re fat or getting fat when you’re young and even commenting on her body is not worth the risk.”
“If Carly had heard that or caught on to any comments about her body in a negative way, it could seriously damage her future relationships with men and how she views her body.”
“That was totally unacceptable and I think you did the right thing by protecting your daughter.”
“Maybe your emotions could’ve been reeled in a bit, but I think the core of your message is the right one.”- Lobaby1414.
“Nta!”
“I don’t have a daughter, but I would do the same for my sister.”
“Completely disgusting comment to make.”
“Happy you got out of that relationship.”-Few-Zebra2391.
“NTA.”
‘You did not over react, Josh is awful.”
“The fact that he and a group of other grown men thought it was okay to harass a child is repulsive.”
“Good job dodging that bullet.”-DishsUp.
“NTA! “
“You are never TA in this situation!”
“Mother to mother chat here, teenage girls have enough to worry about and enough pressure put on them by society around what they look like.”
“Sad to see that absolutely nothing has changed since you and I were young girls.”
“Good on you for standing up for her.”
“I’d say you dodged a bullet there, if this is the way Josh reacts by getting others involved to trash you then that speaks volumes about him and the people he hangs around with, not you! “
“More red flags there than a circus.”- MumOfBoy.
“I feel like context and delivery were pretty important here, but i am inclined to agree that it doesn’t seem like it comes from a great place.”
“I would give a NTA, i think that’s is good mothers intuition to cut that out early and see how that can potentially be a big red flag.”
“Also, he gets his friends to message you and say bad things?:
:I see that a lot on here and that is just so creepy and weird I can’t imagine it actually happening.”
“Seems like you dodged a massive bullet, i would stay away.”
“He clearly showed his hand after the first sign of adversity.”-RealAdamDriver.
“NTA, you deserve a medal for protecting your daughter.”
“So many mom’s don’t.”
“You did the right thing!”
“And he’s a creep.”
Others were equally shocked by the OP’s sister’s insensitive remark.
“Tell your sister she isn’t welcome either if she can’t love her niece regardless of her size.”
“NTA.”-TossMeUnderBoard.
“Absolutely not and it’s concerning that your sister sided with him.”- createdbyadamsrib.
Considering that Josh’s inclination was to write off his remark as a joke and not immediately apologize when he saw how much he’d offended the OP, it’s hard not to agree that it seems she did, indeed, dodge a bullet.
While one hopes Carly will one day have that warm, father figure the OP wants for her, many children would be very lucky to have a mother who cares about them as much as the OP cares for Carly.