There’s no worse feeling than the fear of missing out, otherwise known as FOMO.
It’s hard not to feel hurt or offended when you learn people who you thought were your friends all got together and had fun without you.
Particularly if you were actively not wanted there.
Redditor MintyFreshGirl found herself in hot water with her older sister, after she discovered she’d been left out of several vacations.
And when this older sister was told why she wasn’t included, she quickly went from offended to downright angry.
Having second thoughts about excluding her older sister from these trips, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for going on trips without one sister because she is religious and ruins things?”
The OP shared that her older sister once accompanied her on a trip celebrating a major milestone in her life, where her presence was less than appreciated.
“10 years ago, when I was having my 21st birthday, I decided that I wanted to go to Vegas.”
“I had the whole trip planned out.”
“My older sisters decided they wanted to come, along with our cousin Gayle.”
“I got my own room, while they decided to room together.”
“Gayle (cousin) and Vera (middle sister) are two years older than me.”
“Christina is five years older.”
“Gayle and Vera ended up moving into my room with me, because Christina was the worst person to room with.”
“She was a horrible addition to the trip and we ended up telling her to just do her own thing.”
“She wanted to be in bed early, she wanted to go see a musical instead of going clubbing.”
“She wanted to eat early, then wake up early.”
“I love Christina, but this was not a great trip.”
“We still talk about how horrible it was.”
“We actually stayed three more days, after dropping Christina off at the airport, just so we could have a stress-free time.”
“It was amazing, we had a great time…”
As a result, the OP, Vera and Gayle continued to take trips together, but made a point of not including Christina on them.
“And so we started doing stuff without Christina.”
“We went camping with our boyfriends.”
“We went on a booze cruise.”
“We went to Ireland together.”
“Sometimes we just had a small road trip to see something cool.”
“And it was amazing.”
But while Christina may not have accompanied them on these trips, she was in no way excluded from their lives.
“We still did things with Christina.”
“We just didn’t do anything that would make her uncomfortable.”
“No drinking, no clubs, nothing late at night.”
“And nothing when her kids were home from school.”
“And it worked out really well, until my Mom let it slip where Gayle, Vera, and I went this past week.”
When Christina learned there was not one, but several trips or mini-breaks which she was not made aware of, she made no attempt to hide her feelings, nor did the OP hide her reasons for excluding her.
“We went up to my boyfriend’s family cabin, which they rent out to fishermen near a lake.”
“It’s not really glamorous, but there are enough places to sleep for six people.”
“Christina had tried to call us asking if we could watch the girls while they visited family in the hospital a few towns over.”
“Mom took the kids but said we wouldn’t likely answer the phone anytime soon, as we were gonna be gone in the woods for a week.”
“When we got back, Christina confronted Vera and myself, asking why we didn’t invite her (and the kids) to a lake.”
“I said we didn’t want to, it was a time to just relax.”
“And she has an issue with us not being married, drinking, etc… so why would she want to come?”
“She asked how long we have been doing stuff like this.”
“I was honest and said ten years.”
“Since the Vegas trip.”
“I just said we did all the stuff we like without her, and just did things with her + the kids when we had the time.”
“She left really upset and called us a**holes.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement the OP had nothing to feel bad about, and was not the a**hole in this situation.
Just about everyone agreed Christina overreacted, as she clearly wouldn’t have enjoyed herself on these trips, and the OP didn’t need to have Christina’s religious beliefs thrown in her face.
“Also she wanted to know why you didn’t invite her and the kids to the lake — Uh because it was as couples trip?!”- Calm_Initial.
“If she was a buzzkill 10 years ago, I bet she’s loads of fun now.”
“It’s not that she’s religious per se.”
“It’s that she insists on inflicting her religion on others and expecting them to meet her own personal religious beliefs which is total BS.”
“You don’t owe Christina your fun.”
“You don’t owe her your time to relax.”- Advanced-Extent-420.
“Nta – it’s crazy how the religious forget to follow their own rules.”
“It is for the lord alone to judge, Judge not lest ye be judged, do not wear your virtue for others to see because that’s prideful, and your prayers and religion should be in private and personal with God etc.”-Drew-.
“She had no right to confront you.”
“You have every right to do as you will with your friends and not have to “’nvite everyone so we don’t hurt feelings’.”
“This is just being an adult.”
“You didn’t cut her out of your life—you still hung out with her.”
“You’re NTA, but her getting upset & confronting and name calling is.”- MadiJWhat.
“If your sister is married to a super-Christian man, I’m betting he will only ‘let her’ go to girls nights with family, but she got to understand that she can’t be a buzzkill and then expect to be invited along.”-MissTheWire.
Other’s pointed out that the OP is still very active in Christina and her family’s life, making her reaction all the more uncalled for.
“NTA, even 10 years ago you shouldn’t have invited her but now she wants to come with the kids, I think not.”
“In addition you do plan stuff with her and her family while accommodating them and restricting yourself.”-Emotional_Area_2754.
“You all haven’t excluded her from trips/ doing things.”
“It also doesn’t sound like you kept anything a secret and you were upfront when asked.”
“You don’t have to do everything with someone, or advertise it when you do have vacations.”-G1rlinBlue.
“NTA, why does she want to be included when she doesn’t want to do anything with you guys?”
“What does she expect?”
I”t’s not like you just stopped hanging out with her completely.”
“You still include her and invite her to stuff.”
“Just not everything.”
“And that’s perfectly fine!”-nathashanails.
Others felt that the OP was entitled to make sure that she would enjoy any trip she paid for, even if that meant excluding Christina
“If I’m spending money on a trip I want and deserve to enjoy it.”- Pale_Willingness1882.
“You are not obligated to include anyone on trips or to events if that person actively makes your trip/event worse.”
“Why would you want to listen to someone complain and criticize your choices while on vacation?”
“NTA you aren’t required to invite anyone you don’t want on your trips.”- jimrow83.
There were a few who felt the OP should have explained why Christina was left out of the trips earlier on.
“I would have done the same thing, but maybe it would have been better to be honest and say ‘We love you, and we’ll still do normal stuff with you, but we are not going to be inviting you to any naughty fun activities again’.”-SmadaSlaguod.
While others shared similar travel stories, agreeing traveling with someone with completely different plans and expectations can suck the fun out of any trip, sympathizing with the OP’s decision not to include Christina.
“NTA-I went to Vegas with 2 girls once and I swear I would have rather gone by myself.”
“All they wanted to do was go to eat and shop.”
“Don’t get me wrong I love both of those things, but every activity I suggested was met with ‘welllll, we just wanted to turn in early’ or ‘we didn’t really want to go to the club’.”
“You included her in things she’d enjoy and didn’t in things she wouldn’t.”
“It sucks when someone finds out they’re the wet blanket of the group, but you’re not obligated to include her in EVERYTHING.”
“If you stopped including her in all activities that would be an AH thing, but what you described you’re definitely not the ah.”-Odd-Jackfruit-2375.
It’s never fun being left out.
But considering Christina and the OP seem to have very different ideas of having fun, maybe Christina should consider whether or not the OP was doing her a favor?
Here’s hoping this doesn’t cause a lasting rift between the sisters.