As much as any bride and groom would like to invite anyone and everyone to their wedding, this is sadly never possible.
As a result, there will be some people who might find themselves surprised to find they didn’t make the cut.
In some cases, people are understanding because they know weddings are expensive and space is limited.
Others, however, are not thrilled to find out they’ve been excluded and don’t mind expressing their displeasure to the bride or groom.
Redditor Throwitaway4981 was looking forward to the upcoming wedding of her best friend.
The original poster (OP)’s excitement dropped considerably, however, when she noticed someone missing from the guest list.
As a result, the OP made the difficult decision not to attend her friend’s wedding either, much to the fury of her friend.
Wondering if she was doing the right thing, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to attend my friend’s wedding because she didn’t invite my significant other, claiming she ‘forgot’ to include him on the guest list?”
The OP explained why she decided to skip her best friend’s wedding:
“So, I (28 F[emale]) have been friends with Lynn (29 F) since meeting in college, and despite our differing views, we’ve always been close.”
“Lynn recently got engaged, and as she began planning her traditional and somewhat conservative wedding, I knew there might be some challenges.”
“When the wedding invitations arrived, my heart sank as I noticed that my significant other, Jake (30 M[ale]), wasn’t included.”
“Concerned, I called her, hoping it was a mistake with printing or something, only to hear her say, ‘Oh, I totally forgot to include Jake on the guest list.'”
“‘But you can still come, right?'”
“I hesitated, knowing that the issue wasn’t just an oversight.”
“Jake is transgender, and I was aware of Lynn’s more Republican views on gender and relationships due to the fact that for years we’ve specifically argued over Jake being trans.”
“I knew that she felt it was unnatural for people to stray away from the gender they were born with and I did feel that was the deeper motivation.”
“I explained how important Jake is to me and that excluding him felt like a rejection of our relationship.”
“Lynn brushed it off, claiming that they were already over the guest limit and didn’t want to complicate things (I knew this was untrue because she herself told me weeks prior that she wasn’t limiting the number of people that could attend).”
“Unable to go without Jake, I made the difficult decision to skip the wedding.”
“As the date approached, Lynn reached out again, asking if I reconsidered.”
“I stuck to my decision, trying to convey the impact her exclusion had on him and me as an extension due to the fact that I was not willing to let it slide that she deliberately left him off the list.”
“Now, our mutual friends are divided, with some accusing me of making it about politics and others supporting my decision to stand up for my relationship.”
“She has donated her kidney to me in the past, and she did help me while I was grieving the death of my mother.”
“Those saying I should cut her off have a valid opinion, but I do also think if there’s room to educate her instead, that could also be a good path to take.”
“My boyfriend, as well as her views, weren’t in the picture until after the transplant.”
“So no I did not take a bigot’s kidney I took that of my best friend, someone who to me was a sister.”
“AITA here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to go to Lynn’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP should have no patience for Lynn’s blatant bigotry and was doing the right thing by standing up for Jake and not going to the wedding, with most agreeing that the OP should put an end to her friendship with Lynn altogether.
“NTA.”
“But you should’ve dropped this ‘friend’ a long time ago.”
“Specifically when you mentioned, ‘due to the fact that for years we’ve specifically argued over Jake being trans’.”
“Doss Jake know this?”
“I can’t imagine he would want to support a wedding for a woman who doesn’t support him as an individual.”
“As for your friends accusing you of making this political, ask if they got a plus one and how they would feel if their long-term partner or spouse were excluded.”- jaywild
“NTA.”
“As is said often on here, an invitation is not a summons.”
“You don’t have to go for whatever reason, and in this case, you have a damned good reason.”
“You’re not the one making this about politics- she is, and it’s a shitty thing to do.”
“At this point, her politics/bigotry is starting to hurt the people close to you, and if you ever needed an excuse to ‘nope’ out of the friendship, it’s your lucky day.”-Â BetweenWeebandOtaku
“NTA.”
“Your relationship with Lynn has reached an impasse.”
“This is the hill to die on.”-Â RealTalkFastWalk
“NTA.”
“The bride is playing politics.”
“You are standing by your partner.”
“There’s a difference.”- According-Western-33
“NTA.”
“Saying you’re ‘making it about politics’ is an easy way to tell your friends have never had an aspect of their lives politicized.”
“Stand by your SO.”
“If the bride’s so worried about the guest list being full, she’ll be relieved to know you’re taking your name off the list.”- fishmom5
“NTA.”
“It’s an invitation.”
“Just decline it.”- The_Bad_Agent
“NTA.”
“But I have to ask, why do you want to be friends with someone who doesn’t fully support your relationship?”- BossBabeInControl
“NTA, RSVPs have ‘Yes or No’ options for a reason.”
“However, I get why that’s a tough decision.”
“Your friend clearly loves you very dearly (as evidenced by the fact she gave you a kidney), and your relationship is obviously deep but complicated.”
“Stick to your decision, and I strongly suggest limiting communication while emotions are high.”
“I get how sometimes friends are more like family (and you don’t get to pick your family), so don’t talk to them while there’s a risk you’ll say something you may regret.”- QuesoDeLibertad
“If she excluded a black partner and a guest complained, would she claim it was about politics?”
“It sounds to me like it’s about hate.”
“NTA.”- Traveling-Techie
“NTA.”
“You’re not ‘making it about politics’.”
“Regardless of your partner’s gender, Lynn disrespected Jake, then lied to you and brushed you off when she was called out on her behavior, which sounds like it has been a long time coming.”
“The fact that she didn’t like the consequence of you not attending the wedding is not your fault.”-asphodel2020
“NTA.”
“Even with the knowledge that she did give you a kidney when you needed it.”
“Would you invite your organ donor if it was a random stranger?”
“This right here says all you need to know of how to react.”
“She’s already over the year limit, so you are accommodating to that.”
“Also, you are not making it about politics, she is making it about religious views.”- Zonnebloempje
“NTA.”
“Drop Lynn and anyone who thinks this is about ‘politics’.”
“A wedding invitation is not a summons.”
“You can choose not to attend for any reason.”
“And Lynn disrespecting your relationship is certainly a reason.”- Comfortable-Focus123
If anyone did find the OP to be the a**hole, it was because they believed they stayed friends with Lynn for far too long and felt she enabled her bigoted views by doing so.
“YTA for staying this close with someone this transphobic for so long while having a trans partner.”
“Like, years, damn.”
“Poor Jake.”-South_Butterscotch37
“ESH except your partner.”
“Her for being …sigh…her.”
“You for keeping her in your life.”- prettyinpinkleather
“You said Jake doesn’t know about Lynn, her views, and the arguments over him that you’ve had.”
“Be honest with yourself. Are you intentionally hiding those things from him?”
“And why?”
“Would he be justified being hurt- and who do you think is hurting him the most?”
“I’d put money on that. Deep down, you know that by continuing this friendship with Lynn, you’re stabbing Jake in the back.”
“Your continued friendship with Lynn, despite knowing that she thinks your boyfriend shouldn’t exist and that he’s fundamentally wrong by existing, is accepting what she thinks.”
“It’s giving her permission to continue.”
“Jake probably wouldn’t be as horrified as you think about Lynn being a transphobe. He’s probably dealt with his fair share and will continue to have to deal with them in the future.”
“But what about what you’re doing to Jake?”
“Jake would be horrified that you want to continue being friends with a transphobe, especially one who knows about and is actively trying to cover him up from your presence.”
“Horrified enough to probably rethink his relationship with you- and I’d wager money that you know this.”
“YTA.”
“Not for not attending the wedding, but by hiding this entire issue from Jake.”
“He deserves to know the kind of company his girlfriend keeps.”- Gillybby11
It’s clear that Lynn was, at one point, a very good friend to the OP, hence her desire to remain friends with her despite their differences.
However, remaining cordial despite fundamental views is always a challenge at the end of the day.
With this in mind, Lynn will have to decide if not welcoming Jake into her life is worth the OP no longer being a part of it.