Facebook and social media in general are a blessing and a blight upon our generation. While they are not inherently bad platforms, Facebook in particular has contributed to a lot of issues of misinformation. But there’s an even smaller problem than that: over-sharers.
Redditor VirtualIce23 found her sister over-sharing things about her own life, including that she had lost several pregnancies. After telling her sister to please not share that information witht he public, she was sharply rebuked.
Unsure if she’d somehow done something wrong, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback from objective strangers:
“AITA for telling my sister to take a post down on social media?”
Our original poster, or OP, simply detailed the situation where she felt her sister crossed the line.
“My sister posted something about ‘Rainbow babies’ on Facebook, and mentioned that I had 3 losses.”
“Everyone started texting me or commenting how sad they were for me and sister would reply ‘thank you, I’ll tell her.’”
“I’m not sad about my miscarriages. They happened so long ago, and I don’t even think about it anymore. I feel like she used me to get sympathy from others.”
“I told her to remove the post and she refused because it was ‘her page.’ I’m not on FB so I’m not sure if she did, but she said she wouldn’t.”
“Yesterday my parents told me I was being a jerk because the post was about a few of her friends that lost babies, she just included me because she loved me. I was taken aback by that response.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors thought OP was perfectly within reason to ask her sister to take the post down.
“Yuck. That is so disgusting, honestly. The fact she won’t take the post down. This is infuriating🤬”
“I’d say you should comment on the post saying what an attention seeking person your sister is, but I’m super petty so..NTA”-kittyyykittyyy
“NTA- her page? Well it’s your life, your experience, your losses.”
“Just write a comment on that post saying how disrespectful her post is to you and ask everyone to respect your privacy by stopping any further comments and communications.”-Valuable_Ad_742
“NTA. Your sister gains nothing but attention from this. While I’m sure she felt awful for you when the miscarriages occurred she wasn’t the one who endured the experience of said miscarriages.”
“Your sister likely saw something going around her Facebook feed about rainbow babies.”
“She saw other women receiving sympathy and adoration for what is a very heartbreaking (to say the very least) experience. And she wanted some of that attention for herself.”
“She never experienced that loss first hand for herself so she Invoked your story without permission and now is the receiving the attention.””
“It’s disturbing in general the amount of personal Info people are willing to share on Facebook for a few likes from people who never give the post they are liking a second thought in their life.”
“It’s asinine people are willing to violate trust and privacy for said likes.”-X-ile226
“NTA, disclosing someones personal medical history without permission is beyond wrong and a violation of trust.”
“I cant give you advice on how to handle this but if I were in your place I would say the post is bringing up hurtful memories and causing you harm.”
“Honestly I would make sure that your sister never gets any more of your personal information, or your mom since she sees nothing wrong with it.”
“And I would go no contact with your sister the minute she refused to honor your wishes on this.”-Resagarden
In fact, people thought it was wholly inappropriate for OP’s sister to be using her story.
“I’m trying to remember if anyone in my family did that and I realize my SIL did once or twice. She made a post of angel babies on her IG post and tagged everyone she knew who had miscarriages.”
“I was one of few she tagged. For some reason I didn’t mind because it was a baby loss day or something and she had lost a baby, so her post was more about missing the babies that could have been a part of our lives.”
“I think for her it was more of memorial post that she does yearly, and when I lost my first one she started to tag me along with other women.”
“But when I read your post, I realize maybe your sister had a different attitude. If I had asked my SIL to remove my name she would have.”
“Your sister wouldn’t do it, so it gets turned into attention grabbing post.”
“NTA. I’m sorry that she didn’t respect your need for privacy. She could have taken your name out of the post since your mother said it was for her friends as well.”-icanthearyoulalala42
“NTA. You don’t have carte blanche to do just anything on your page. The most obvious example is posting pictures of children without their parents’ permission.”
“If a parent comes across this and tells you to take a picture down, you don’t say, ‘it’s my page!’ (I mean, you could, but I strongly advise against that).”
“Now, I mention this because I think everyone else has the rest (your sister’s utterly vile actions) covered.”-laffy4444
“NTA It’s wholly inappropriate for your Sister to use your loss, not only for ‘sympathy’ but to put on blast your PRIVATE and very PERSONAL experiences!”
“And WHAT THE HELL is wrong with your Parents!”
“I would have created a FB page, invited all those who commented and embarrassed the F*ck out of her telling EVERYONE that she didn’t have your permission to disclose your personal losses!”
“But I’m petty as hell when people are treated SO unfairly!”-JipC1963
“NTA. You were the one who went through a miscarriage, you and you alone are the only one who decides who to tell about it.”
“I’ve been through one myself, similar to you I’m not devastated but it sucked to go through.”
“I think it’s good that some people feel ok with talking about theirs publicly (because pregnancy loss shouldn’t be treated like a shameful secret, it’s a normal though sad occurrence) but I don’t think I’ll ever personally feel comfortable discussing it with anyone other than my partner or close friends.”
“I certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable post about it on Facebook for everyone I know to see. I’m just not ok with posting about my medical history like that, and I would be pissed if anyone I confided in broke my trust for internet points.”
“I think your sister is absolutely using your private medical information for attention and that’s not ok.”-DiligentPenguin16
And still others were advising OP to actually make a Facebook just for the sake of dealing with it.
“Uhhh NTA for sure. People close to me have miscarried or lost children and I have never felt the need to make a FB post about it.”
“Even giving her the benefit of the doubt that it was for a ‘good’ reason like raising awareness or a donation post for somebody else I would think it’s pretty standard to ASK if the people you’re bringing up are ok with it.”
“It’s their story and their business. I think I would feel pretty ashamed of myself pimping out the tragedies of people close to me for clout.”-Fairybreath493
“NTA. First she shouldn’t put your information on her page. You are not on there for a reason and she needs to understand and respect that.”
“Second I hate the term rainbow baby, maybe it’s because I am still freshly recovering from a miscarriage but it just annoys the ever living hell out of me. She has no right to put your private info on blast for likes.”-kayt3000
“NTA. Honestly if I were you I’d make a Facebook account just to reply and state on it that you have already asked her to take it down.”
“And that you don’t appreciate your private information being shared and that since she won’t listen you made a profile just for that purpose.”-HelloAll-GoodbyeAll
“Ew, she’s virtual signaling at the direct expense of the person she’s garnering attention and backpats for.”
“I am not up to date on Facebook, but I’d find a way to respond to her post saying ‘I’ve asked you to take this down because I find it weird, unnecessarily revealing and you disrespected me.'”
“‘I’m asking you once again to respect me and my losses and take this down.'”
“Sometimes you have to shame idiots in front of the vague internet masses they’re so desperate to get some attention from. But ew, her behavior is disgusting.”-28Improved
OP revealed she and her sister barely speak, but perhaps now is the time as her sister has very clearly crossed a line.
Hopefully all parties involved can reach a workable solution.