Relationships take a lot of effort to maintain. Doing nice things for your significant other is a great way to help this along.
But it helps if your partner knows what’s going on. Redditor meepo49 woke up to her husband prepared to celebrate something they’ve never celebrated before, and his disappointment when the original poster (OP) didn’t have anything prepared.
OP asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit if she was a jerk to not celebrate.
Her question was:
“AITA for forgetting my husband and I’s ‘vacation anniversary?’”
This was what went down:
“My husband (34M) and I (31F) have been married for four and a half years now.”
“In the spring of 2018, we took a two-month long trip to Europe/Africa where we stayed in London, Barcelona, and Marrakesh. It was a great time for both of us and since then we’ve always wanted to do another long trip like that.”
“So, this morning. My husband wakes me up at 7AM with a gift. At this point, I’m a little pissed off because we had both gone to bed at 1 and I wanted to sleep in.”
“So, I open the gift (which is an envelope), and inside are our plane tickets from our home airport to London dated on 4/29/2018. I mean…a little strange but okay?”
“Then, he drags me into the kitchen where I see he’s prepared a Spanish-style breakfast for me, which I thought was really sweet of him. He told me that since today was the day we left on our big trip and haven’t been able to travel for a year, he wanted to do something special for me to commemorate.”
“I mean, overall it was a really nice gesture even if I was sleep deprived.”
“Our day then goes on as normal (we both work from home). Around noon I go into the kitchen to make some lunch for myself, and my husband comes in and says ‘So, I’m guessing you didn’t get me anything?’.”
“At this point I’m pretty confused so I’m like: ‘get you anything for what?’. Then, he gets this exasperated look on his face and says ‘Our vacation anniversary?’.”
“I didn’t know if this was a joke or not, because we’ve literally NEVER celebrated this ‘vacation anniversary’ before, despite it technically occurring already two times in 2019 and 2020. So, I laugh at it and tell him ‘maybe next year I will’.”
“He didn’t appreciate the joke. He told me that our vacation was more ‘significant than our wedding’ and that it hurt him that I didn’t remember. I apologized to him but he’s still got a pissy attitude with me.”
On the AITA board, people are judged based on how they reacted. In this case, it’s based on whether OP would have known to react at all.
This is done with one of the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
It was agreed that there was no expectation set for OP to participate in this anniversary, and it was ridiculous for her husband to have expected it.
OP is NTA.
“NTA. This is not a yearly event you guys celebrate. You had no way of knowing he was planning to make a big deal about it this year.”
“Can’t your husband just do something sweet for you without expecting something in return?” – Sweet_Baby_Grogu
“Solid question at the end. Want to know the answer to that.” – ifimhereimrealbored
“NTA – your husband sounds like he’s trying to start a fight with you, or overcompensate for feeling guilty about some thing.” – jesstheprequel
“This is not a thing. Under no circumstances would anyone reasonable think this is a thing.”
“Either your husband is having a mental health issue or he’s trying to make you think you are insane or drive you crazy so you leave him or something, because this story is bizarre.”
“Equally bizarre that you think you might be judged the a**hole.” – superfastmomma
“NTA, that’s really nice that he did that but weird he’s making it seem like a tradition that you dropped the ball on.” – Tatidanidean1
“NTA. I am…legitimately confused as to why he expected you to magically know he wanted to make this a thing. I have questions.” – DiTrastevere
The whole situation perplexed the commenters, not just because this sounds like a strange tradition, but because it wasn’t an established one at all. Why would the husband expect a gift for an unprepared day?
The whole thing left a lot of questions.
“A vacation anniversary is a new one to me. Did he say why he considers your ‘vacation’ more significant than your wedding?”
“I mean, personally, I’ve never heard of such a thing so I don’t see how you could be an asshole for not remembering to celebrate something you two have never celebrated before.” – IChooseYouSnorlax
“More importantly, why does he consider the third vacation anniversary important but not the first or second? OP, I’m guessing either one of you was on a business trip the first time around or has been ‘going on business trips’ since, IYKWIMAITYD.” – mbbaer
“All due respect: what the hell is a vacation anniversary?”
“It was more significant than your WEDDING?!”
“your husbands priorities are a little unorthodox.”
“Nta” – punkswamp
“NTA. I mean … How were you supposed to magically know that THIS was the year to celebrate? You can’t be in the wrong for something you didn’t know was a thing.”
“I’m also pretty bummed with your husband. That was kind of a cute thing he did – and it could have been a great day, but he had to ruin it by getting pissy with you. Ugh.” – GypseboQ
There isn’t a lot that OP could have done. And the question of why OP’s husband seemed so intent on making this a celebration still remains to be answered.
It’s not the worst idea to find more ways to have fun and celebrate with your significant other, but make sure they’re on the same page before you expect something in return.