We are in tough financial times right now.
People are hurting and all parents want to do is provide for their kids.
Sometimes rationale may take a backseat to fear.
But kids need things…
Case in point…
Redditor soldengagementring wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for getting mad at my husband for selling his wedding ring?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me (F[emale] 27) and my husband (M[ale] 28) had two beautiful twins six years ago.”
“A few months after that we got married.”
“Last month my husband lost his job and since he doesn’t even has high school finished he has been struggling to find a new one.”
“I thankfully has been saving money ever since he started working so we have enough to sustain ourselves for some time.”
“This morning I had breakfast with some friends so my husband took care of the kids.”
“We live far from each other, so I warned my husband that I was going to be out for at least two hours.”
“When I returned home, our sons came running to me to show me the new toys his dad bought them, along with backpacks full of stuff for school.”
“Which I found weird since they start school on August.”
“I feared the worst and I went to check my savings, but everything was there.”
“I confronted my husband, who was in our bedroom, and asked him where did he got the money to buy that stuff.”
“He told me he sold his wedding ring cause the kids asked him when would they buy their stuff for school.”
“And he panicked thinking he wouldn’t have money for it (completely irrational, we still had more than three months to worry about that!).”
“I was devastated, I couldn’t believe he would so easily get rid of something that represents our marriage and I told him so.”
“He broke down and said he just doesn’t want to deny our sons a normal childhood but I told him that isn’t an excuse for his irresponsibility.”
“I told him I was going to return the backpacks and all the other stuff to see if I can get the ring back but he won’t allow me to, and said that if I do that he’ll buy everything back again.”
“I couldn’t talk more cause our sons entered the room and he hugged them, which annoys me cause it’s as if he’s skipping our discussion.”
“I needed to vent so I told my parents and my friends about what happened.”
“My parents said I’m right on being angry but that they warned me nothing good was going to come out of marrying someone without a real job.”
“I don’t agree with them, but I do feel disappointed at his actions this last month.”
“My friends on the other hand think I’m going too hard on him and that based on past stuff I’ve told them, he sounds like an extreme people pleaser.”
“I’m deeply hurt by what he did.”
“I think he was selfish and should’ve consulted me before doing something like that.”
“AITA for the way I reacted?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA YTA YTA.”
“Your kids are school-age and you’re not working even part-time.”
“Lady, virtually all of us work more than we want to. Get a job.”
“Even when your husband WAS employed, you were so poor that your 6-year-old children’s only toys were a football, some dinosaurs, and a plushie each from when they were babies.”
“Your family cannot survive on one salary and it ESPECIALLY cannot survive on ZERO salaries.”
“Not to mention that you’re financially abusing your husband by, according to your comments, forbidding him from accessing the money HE earned, even to spend it on the kids.”
“While you’re going out to a restaurant with your friends.”
“You’re unbelievable. Get a job.” ~ Alliebot
“From her comments… she won’t get a job because that’s not what they agreed when they got married.”
“They initially agreed he’d work and she’d care for the kids and she’s stated she does her part.”
“This arrangement should change for her not to be considered an AH.”
“But from her comments she’s looking like a manipulative person that complaints when her husband sells something because he has no access to the account that she saved his wages in.”
“Therefore has no knowledge of the amount of money in there and whether it will be enough for the kid’s necessities and if it will even last until August.” ~ DoggieLover5
OP came back with more of the 411..
“EDIT: Some stuff that may be important.”
“I don’t work, me and my husband agreed I was going to take care of the kids and he was going to work.”
“He’s studying for his GED.”
“He has been rejected from many works cause he doesn’t have his diploma but that sounds suspicious.”
“I think they just think he’s undocumented like someone here suggested (he’s Latino).
He has already sold stuff of his in the past to buy the kids stuff (clothing, food, toys, etc).”
“I’ll try to get the ring back.”
“I already took the toys and backpacks from my sons.”
“My husband begged me to not do this to our sons so I gave them the backpacks, toys and school supplies back.”
“Some people were curious on what toys they were, it’s some play doh, a table puzzle and some Lego.”
“He says it can help them stay creative and train their memory.”
“Ok, I’ll do this.”
“If my husband doesn’t get a job before this Friday I’ll look for one for me myself. Happy?”
“Honestly, your husband sounds like he has some sort of hero complex.”
“It reminds me of my own dad, who would constantly go out of his way to provide for us.”
“But in arguably the most irrational and most difficult way possible.”
“I 100% believe this is what your husband is doing.”
“I think you should look into counseling.”
“In what world does it make more sense to sell your possessions than go get a GED and find a job?”
“Either your husband is just lazy, or he’s got some serious problems.” ~ Mundane_Ambassador87
“I thought N T A at first, but OP isn’t willing to work.”
“Their agreement was that he would work and she would care for the kids.”
“But since the situation has changed and he’s unable to find a job that hires him.”
“This should be reconsidered, BUT she’s unwilling to do so.”
“She has sole and complete access to their savings from his job so he has no way to purchase anything for their kids unless it’s by selling his stuff, he hasn’t been able to get hired.”
“OP states it might be due to him not having finished high-school, but possibly due to him being Latino.”
“Either way I think this was an impulse purchase he made while preoccupied they won’t have the money in July, specially when she’s the one with sole access to the account with their savings and we don’t even know if he’s aware of the balance in there.”
“A ring is an object, not their wedding vows and their wedding status, she’s TA 100% specially after reading her comments.” ~ DoggieLover5
“Okay, to me this sounds like your husband has learned to be self sacrificing in order to support his mom.”
“He sounds lovely, but he also needs therapy.”
“Because if his people pleasing is getting to such an extent that he’s selling his wedding ring then he’s got some deep rooted issues that need addressing.”
“It sounds like he may have some level of anxiety surrounding his value to others.”
“Perhaps stemming from his dropping out of high school and being passed over for being hired at the new restaurant.”
“I totally understand why you’re upset OP, but I’m on your friend’s sides here – YTA.” ~ elliebehydrated
“I’ve gotta disagree based on OP’s comments.”
“He’s in this position because despite being able to work, OP refuses to because ‘it’s just faster’ for her poor husband to study for months and pawn his possessions than for her to just work.”
“She won’t get a babysitter because stranger danger and only had savings separate from him because she took his earnings and put them where he can’t access them.”
“Op is TA for creating the situation in the first place.” ~ thatpotatogirl9
“I mean, In a deleted comment you said your kids have a football and some dinosaurs he bought them in the past, and each also has a plushie from when they were babies.”
“I absolutely cannot blame your husband for wanting his children to have more than two toys each and a shared football.”
“You’ve also commented he gives them his own food, and has sold his stuff to buy them food and things in the past.”
“He is being a parent and putting them first.”
“They wouldn’t eat his food if they weren’t hungry.”
“He has done nothing wrong. YTA.” ~ cornflower27
Well looks like we know who Reddit stands with.
Sounds like OP has some soul searching to do.
Kids need things, and a parent has to provide.
Rings can always be bought again.
Good luck fam.