Money can be the root of a lot of drama in friendships.
When friends are on vastly different financial brackets, it can lead to some very uncomfortable situations.
Oftentimes, some who are “have-nots” hold resentment towards those who have.
And when the truth about these feelings explodes… watch out!
Case in point…
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my friend to stop flaunting her money and calling her a gold digger?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (39 F[emale]) have been b[est] f[riend]’s with ‘Jill’ (40F) since we were in high school.”
“Between the two of us, she’s always been a bombshell.”
“Blonde, tall, slim, big boobs, etc.”
“She never dated anyone in high school, which was weird to me because almost everyone in our school did, including myself.”
“When we were in college, and she was still turning guys down, I asked her why and she said she wants someone who is financially stable.”
“I laughed it off at the time.”
“I should also mention she grew up poor, as in her mother was going to the food bank poor.”
“After we graduated, she got a job at a gym teaching Yoga, I continued my education to be a teacher.”
“She eventually met someone at the gym and he’s RICH.”
“Like I can’t even comprehend the kind of money this guy has.”
“Fast forward to now, they’re married, with two kids, and I believe she signed a prenup when they married.”
“We were out to dinner on Saturday that just passed with two other friends from college, and she wanted to go to a very expensive place. Her treat.”
“She does this a lot.”
“Flaunts her money, clothes, trips, etc, etc.”
“I always try to smile and ignore it, but it was been slowly bothering me.”
“The dinner was going fine until one of our friends ‘Amanda’ asked ‘Jill’ what she was planning for her birthday.”
“‘Jill’ said she and her husband are going to Greece for 3 weeks.”
“‘Amanda’ and ‘Sharon’ both made comments about how nice and lovely that is, and I kind of scoffed at it.”
“When ‘Jill’ asked me what was wrong… I admittedly lost it.”
“I told her I’m tired of her faulting her money at everyone all the time, and everyone knows she only married her husband for money.”
“It got really quiet for a couple of seconds, and to my surprise, ‘Jill’ very calmly asked if that’s what everyone really thought.”
“I said yes.”
“‘Jill’ then asked if it was at all possible that she initially dated him for his money but fell in love with him along the way.”
“Both our other friends said ‘of course’ at the same time I said ‘no.'”
“I told her she fell in love with what he can provide for her.”
“She then asked me if I love what my boyfriend provides for me, which was different because I never started dating him for those things.”
“She countered that with, ‘Of course you did. If you were just attracted to him but he wasn’t loving, providing, caring, you wouldn’t still be in a relationship with him, and if you were, it would be an unhappy and unhealthy one.'”
“I argued it’s still not the same thing.”
“She then stood up and said she has other places to be and not to worry about the bill.”
“She left, and the three of us finished our meal in silence.”
“When the server came around, he handed me the bill FOR MY MEAL ONLY.”
“She paid for herself and the other two but left me to pay for an almost $50 meal that I really couldn’t afford.”
“I texted her and called her an a**hole.”
“She replied, saying not to message her again until I apologize for my earlier comments.”
“I admit I might have been too hard, but I don’t think I’m wrong.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. So when Jill treats you and other friends to a lovely dinner, her treat, she’s a gold digger flaunting her money, but when she leaves you with your portion of the bill to pay, you can’t afford it, and she’s an AH for not paying your bill.”
“You can’t have it both ways.”
“Pick a lane and stick to it.” ~ Cocoasneeze
“OP clearly doesn’t think too highly of, or care much about, this so-called friend.”
“If anything, it sounds like she only even hangs out with her for the perks, like high-end restaurants on her dime.”
“Pretty sure OP is the golddigger in this story.” ~ Alarmed_Jellyfish555
“It sounds like OP has been jealous of this ‘friend’ since high school.”
“It doesn’t sound like the friend is flaunting anything.”
“She’s trying to do a nice thing for her friends, and she was asked about her vacation plans. YTA, OP.” ~ Zappagrrl02
“Mm-hmm! OP tried so hard in the post to sound high-and-mighty.”
“‘I dated in high school’; ‘I went on to continue my education; ‘I scoffed and told her to stop flaunting.'”
“But, even in OP’s own telling, Jill comes off as a much lovelier person, both inside and out.”
“Sure, she has the bombshell looks.”
“But also, if the conversation really went as OP claims it did, Jill was very gracious and tried to get her friend to see how she was wrong and what she’d said was hurtful.”
“Instead, OP just doubled down and kept insulting her and then had the absolute nerve to be mad Jill didn’t pay for her lunch.”
“OP, try taking a lesson in class from Jill.”
“You could use it.” ~ EducatedOwlAthena
“And tried speaking for everyone at the table when Jill asked if that’s what everyone (meaning the others thought), and op jumped right in and answered yes for everyone.”
“Doesn’t sound like they got the opportunity to speak for themselves.”
“OP admits she even tried saying no to Jill’s second question when the others tried to actually speak for themselves.”
“OP YTA, a jealous one!” ~ Novel_Fox
“Yes, and painfully so.”
“Frankly I don’t get how OP is worrying about the bridge she just set aflame and her very obviously no longer being friends with Jill, rather than worrying about how badly she just showed her a** to the entire friend group.”
“She’s likely to lose the whole clique.”
“And you just KNOW there’s a new and highly active group chat going on right now, sans OP.” ~ Self-Aware
“Yea, found it funny that OP tried to paint Jill as a dumb blonde bimbo.”
“But at the same time, being jaded over the fact that Jill didn’t spend her High school and college days on her back, like OP and the rest of their friends.”
“When Jill just had a standard in mind for her partner.” ~ Brumble1987
“Nah, that’s the root of all this.”
“OP is incredibly jealous of Jill’s looks and hated that Jill was getting asked out by people who weren’t looking at OP.”
“The fact that Jill refused to go out with them started OP’s belief that Jill thinks she’s better than her.”
“Notice the digs about growing up poor and not going to college.”
“OP thinks Jill’s looks are letting her float through life, and she hates it.” ~ Number-Electronic
“Yeahhh, the minute she used ‘blonde bombshell,’ I knew OP was a jealous a**.”
“I don’t know, it could just be me, but whenever people describe me as ‘blonde with big boobs,’ they usually mean that I’m dumb, promiscuous, a good digger, or any combination thereof.”
“Man or woman doesn’t matter the gender or initial intentions. That’s what they mean.”
“It’s very reductive and means that person isn’t looking at me like I’m a person, too.
“Anyway, OP YTA.” ~ aoike_
“I think OP felt superior before.”
“Her comment on her mother and them being poor and her being weird for not dating.”
“It sounds like she felt she was better, and OP now resents their ‘friend’ for being in a better place than her.”
“It’s jealousy/envy.”
“She made better choices and waited for the right person, but it’s easier to call her a gold digger for making better decisions than OP.” ~ ZzzzRoronono
“The way OP emphasized that her friend grew up so poor that her family needed to use the food bank makes me think she’s upset that her friend made it out better than she did.”
“She’s just looking for a reason to look down on her. OP, YTA.” ~ AnkaBananka6
“This post reeks of jealousy.”
“Maybe stuff is missing, but I don’t see Jill flaunting money.”
“She has the means, so she wants to treat her friends (If Jill didn’t treat, I wonder if OP would be complaining that her rich friend is being stingy with her money).”
“And, she only mentioned Greece because someone asked (What was Jill supposed to do? Lie and say she is not doing anything?).”
“For the judgment: YTA.” ~ Hello_JustSayin
“Agreed, YTA, and I think there would be a way to communicate those feelings without being an a**hole.”
“Assuming the scoff was involuntary, she could have said, ‘Sorry, I’m jealous. I work really hard and won’t ever be able to do those things.'”
“Like, Jill seems pretty upfront about how she arranged her life.”
“Her husband is probably on the level with it too.”
“I think it’s possible to communicate jealousy healthily if you don’t actually attack the other person for their success.” ~ zicdeh91
Well, OP, Reddit has some issues with your actions.
There are certain comments about other people’s lives that are best kept quiet.
Or maybe just shared with a therapist.
It may be time to evaluate this relationship.
Is it sustainable?
Time for a heavy chat with “Jill” and yourself.
Good luck.